Threaded Mode | Linear Mode

James Raven · (03-23-2018)

*Three men sitting in a small studio provided by the XWF, two of them Legends to the greatest wrestling corporation in the world. One of them a

. We here at Ravens Nest Media do not condone the frivolous use of that slur, but the XWF does... and when in Rome... *

*They're joined mid conversation. A conversation that's been going for a long time and dominated by one person. Much like when Dolly takes the strap on to her father. Blizzard and Raven look bored.*

RIM GAYDUS:
So if you star at the Lethal Lottery, and trace it through that random "wrong number" text I got, and then to the imposter instagram accounts... you'll see pretty clearly that "Muddy Waters" as you so willingly call him is actually Danny Imperial, the Universal Champion, Shane

, Bernie Sanders, Colonel Sanders, the B.K. King, Pippi Longstocking... and are you ready for this one?

BLIZZARD:
I can't imagine it's going to shock me anymore than anything else you've said in the past five minutes.

RIM GAYDUS:
Sasquatch.

BLIZZARD:
I was wrong.

RAVEN:
OK, Rim, I think we've heard about enough. Thanks.

RIM GAYDUS:
Are you shitting me? I haven't even talked about how EngImperial Waters wore a prosthetic mask and posed as Drew Archyle to create, carry, and simultaneously destroy The Apex just to fuck with me! Why else did Drew just disappear after the fiasco? Huh? HUH?! TELL ME, JIMMY!!!

RAVEN:
I don't know, man. Look, I thought it would be a funny punch line to roll you out here, but I didn't really have any intention of making you a focal point. You've already gotten way more screen time than you deserve, and Blizzard and I have other business to attend to.

BLIZZARD:
Yeah, like quoting the shit out of Muddy Waters to the point that Gator gets hard... wherever that silly bitch is.

RIM GAYDUS:
*sigh* Fine. Are you guys at least going to drop the pants and let me get in there? Those rusty wagon wheels won't polish themselves.

*Blizzard and Raven exchange uncomfortable glances, grabbing their belts firmly to ensure there are no accidents. Rim looks disappointed, his tongue drooping as it realizes it will need to find sanctuary in another anus.*

RAVEN:
He's married, and I'm- no.

RIM GAYDUS:
If you change your mind...

BLIZZARD:
We wont. Leave.

*Dripping in dismay, Rim Gaydus leaves the studio. He casts one last glance over his shoulder, eyes longing for contact from either Legend, but Aidan and Raven look staunchly in the other direction. Rim disappears from sight to cry and masturbate, the studio door swinging shut behind him.*

RAVEN:
That got weird. Sorry. Anyways, we should rip on Muddy now. I'm running out of time here in the studio. Fucking

, and his goddamned new time restrictions.

BLIZZARD:
About that, I'm not sure I feel comfortable ripping on Muddy's promo. Did you hear it? He's saying the sort of beta shit that guys whimper when they watch you fuck their wives. He's a broken man, and you haven't even looked at him yet. "Raven is great, the greatest, and I'm already a beaten man". I'm not even paraphrasing, I'm just not doing a hillbilly dialect so it may sound different than when he said it. Come on, James. Don't embarrass the guy, just take his Xtreme title even though you don't really give a shit about it, shatter any hopes he has of competing for a Universal championship leaving him desolate in a trailer park once more... you know, all gentlemanly things to do.

RAVEN:
Are you kidding me? Did I seriously bring you in here for this weak ass shit? Where's the old Blizzard? The "take no prisoners and leave no survivors" Aidan Collins? I was counting on that guy to come in here and have some fun!

BLIZZARD:
James! Listen to me! The guy is all but begging you not to break him in half! He'd let you fuck his daughter in front of him if it got him out of this match, and he honestly might jerk off to it, but that's not what I'm trying to get at. He's celebrating a seven day Xtreme title reign like it's a lifetime achievement award, and telling everyone it was a good run and he's onto the next. Tell me James, what's next for Muddy Waters if you take the Xtreme title? A fourth Federweight belt? I'm telling you, it's not a good look to come in here and bash the guy through the floorboards. Let him leave Saturday night with his dignity.

*Raven considers the simple and reasonable request.*

RAVEN:
No.

*Blizzard looks surprised.*

BLIZZARD:
Excuse me?

RAVEN:
This guy flaps his chew laden gums for weeks, he trolls me on social media, he captures some scrap metal and gets a main event against some real competition... and I'm supposed to let him turtle up like a bitch? That's ridiculous! I want to tell him that his hair looks ridiculous and needs to be washed, and that his odor offends me! I want to tell him he doesn't have half the talent Dolly has in her clit! I want to tell him I'm going to toss the Xtreme title in a dumpster, as long as he doesn't have it! Don't tell me to let this shit go, I have ammunition to go for days on this guy!

BLIZZARD:
You're the good guy James. It's a bad look.

RAVEN:
I don't give a shit. Good guy, bad guy... it's a fight. If I get booed I don't give a damn, someone needs to tell this bitch about himself!

BLIZZARD:
Fine. If there's no way to talk you out of this, cut loose my brother. Let it fly, and may Muddy Waters rest in peace.

*Raven smiles, opening his mouth. The studio door suddenly flies open, and Rim Gaydus reappears.*

RIM GAYDUS:
Studio attendant says your out of time. Can I lick your chocolate starfish now?

THE
END

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode RIM GAYDUS
Author	Message