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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » "Savage Saturday Night" RP Board
High Heat From That Spicy Motherfucker
Author Message
Prof. Bobby Bourbon Offline
Mad Scientist



XWF FanBase:
The 'cool' kliq fans

(booed by casual fans; opportunistic; often plays dirty while setting the trends)


#1
08-04-2017, 08:17 PM



Robbie Bourbon and Jack Cain were last seen cruising in Jack Cain's sweet pimp ride through the sunny streets of Los Angeles.

Meanwhile, Robbie's waistline became the number one trending topic in XWF programming released since then. Hubba hubba, you chubby chasing meatgazers.

HIGH HEAT FROM THAT SPICY MOTHERFUCKER

We see Cain and Bourbon stuck in famous Los Angeles traffic. Jack Cain looks stoic as his radio is overheard, blaring Johnny Cash for all to hear. Robbie looks positively restless and uncomfortable with himself as looks around at the traffic.

I hate this shit.

It's nice out. Good tunes playin'.

Yeah, I suppose. You've got a real way of finding the silver lining in things, do butterflies fall asleep on you when you sit under a tree back home?

Shut up.

Grah. Traffic blows.

Well...

Robbie slowly turns his head as he awaits Jack Cain to finish his statement. Jack glances back at him and shrugs.

Well what? I don't understand.

Well, if you're going to be moody, why don't you describe our opponents some more?

Oh. Heh, yeah, that's actually a really solid idea. If only there was anything worth saying.

Oh look, Scully came forward and told us all about his failed Universal Title run and how ticket sales and TV ratings crashed to all time lows. Cool. Chris Chaos told us all to forget the past then referencing it directly every time he said so. Weird kid, that guy, too many hits to the head, I guess. Say, Chris, that reason it's cool when I come up with crazy make-em-ups and it's not when you do is because it's cool when I come up with crazy make-em-ups and it's not when you do. Jenny Myst continued to contaminate laundromats in which she laundered her undergarments, which generally start to smell like spoiled hamburger after thirty seconds or seven paces, whichever comes first. Oh, shit, those jokes about how filthy you are sure ain't as old as the subreddits you lurk and copy and paste most of your material from. Take it from me, the XWF have phenomenal writers, listen to what they have to say from time to time, and you'll overcome your blonde handicap.

Hah, silly bitch forgot to notice I'm blonde.

I'm just not a dumb blonde. Huge world o' difference right there.


When did you make slut jokes, too? All I heard were dozens of reasons why nobody should have sex with Jenny Myst, I heard zero reasons why she would be considered an available and reliable lay.

Well, sure, I guess, but that's not even the best part.

The highlight of it all, though, were everybody's fat jokes. Couldn't get enough of me on their minds, needed to express something about me that could be negative to generate some hype but really barely keep up in the promotion department because they're just boring like that and the Motherfuckers are the hottest ticket in the wrestling world today. My belly. The fact I'm fat.

I call him Jordasch. My gut. I wake up and see it every morning, stick a finger in his navel, dig out lint, sometimes stick it under someone else's nose to make them have a whiff, I jiggle it, and when I look down, it's there. It's fairly pedestrian, guys, my belly and all.

I mean, you could talk about my track record and history around here. But that just means you'd be talking up all my accomplishments, and of a career that has built steam and momentem and earned every place it's been to. You could talk about how charming I am. That's actually sweet.


Seriously?

Yeah, I'm being legit. I know I'm charming. I know I'm ugly. I know I'm not God, Jehova, Allah, or Yahweh's gift to visual romance. Me and Jordasch, well, we have an accord. I keep him full, he keeps me sustained. It's give and take.

So, pointing it out, well, no shit. I can look myself in the mirror and accept what I see.

Jenny Myst can't fathom the fact she's some horrid victim of abuse that actually believes she needs to act like the obnoxious girl from some early naughties tween dramady. Chris Chaos can't even stand his own face, insisting on ignoring the past and focusing on the future. News Flash, Chris, the Tag Team Championships are NOT in your future. You're focusing on the future of the Motherfuckers. You should consider your future, which I reckon will include Shingles, Measels, or any other plague spawning in your tag partner's crotch. They're not in Scully and Guppy's. Scully wants to retire. He wants out of the life, out of the fight game, and in some rocking chair somewhere with a banjo on his knee.


Really?

Would it surprise you?

No.

Exactly. So, guys, go ahead, make your comments about Jordasche.

I don't like it when people insult Jordasche. To be honest. You're right, Jenny, I do get a twinge when I hear that stuff. But, that's okay. That's fine. Because I get to go out and leave it all out in the ring, and while I keep winning and winning (Seriously, do you recall the last time I lost? I don't!) the people I keep beating and beating all keep bringing up the same hogwash about Jordasche, and how it is a failure at keeping me sustained as long as I keep it fed.

So no, it doesn't bother me, per se. I know I'm going to get to work it out in the ring. The bonafide monsters known as the Motherfuckers will be taking up most of that ring, we agree and can prove come Saturday. And the thing is, Jenny, we'll leave it out in the ring.

Unlike you, who leaves it out in a viscous, yellowish discharge in every seat you occupy.

Unlike Scully, who just leaves for extended periods of time due to his crack addiction.

Unlike Chris, who left it all behind him never to get it back again.

And that, kids, is the sound the flamethrower makes.


They're probably just gonna say you're not a flamethrower.

Let 'em. It's the best they got. Better than they've got in the ring, at least. Dead fools walking, you reckon?

I reckon.

Robbie and Cain give each other a sweet looking no look fist bump, their buddy cop routine finally gelling.

[Image: DtUCPfZ.png]
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#MemeQueen Luca Torchwick (08-04-2017), JimCaedus (08-04-2017)




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