”Well, it looks like I may have been wrong after all. The Trios Title match didn't exactly work out as planned. I don't mind, however. Jack Cain is a respectable man, and I admire him for fighting the good fight. At the same time, we're not exactly a match made in heaven. So truthfully, this may have worked out for the best. Not to mention, it's not like I've ever really been concerned with losing. I mean, hey, I'm pretty used to it at this point. The best part about the situation, and I don't even mean that match, but my career in general, is that I'm still the best! As sure as God's got sandals, Cadryn Tiberius is in the running for XWF Superstar Of The Month. Can you believe it? Of course you can! Ain't nobody else in this company do what I do day in and day out. The Essence Of Excellence isn't a title bestowed upon the unworthy! It is a title earned by the best. The point I'm trying to make is that your life, your career, or even your popularity isn't defined by your win loss record. Losing one match or ten, has no real bearing on your overall stability. I'll always be the best at what I do. You can call me conceited, you can call me delusional, call me what you will. But the numbers don't lie. The fans love me, the roster loves me, sans Ax3 of course, and my wife loves me. Why? Because my life isn't defined by a series of statistics. My life and my ability is fueled by the smiling faces of my fans. When the thunder begins to roll, that arena erupts in a sea of cheers that could break the sound barrier. That right there, that sound, makes everything seem worth it. The blood, the sweat, the tears that I've shed, I'll never regret it. Because when it's all said and done, like Bryan Adams once said “Everything I do, I do it for you.””

The old medicine cabinet mirror begins to sweat as the temperature of the room continues to rise. The sound of water splashing against the glass shower door gives way to the squeaking sound of an older metal faucet. As the flow of water comes to an end, we see a long, lanky, arm slowly begin to reach over top the glass shower door. A long, purple, beach towel lays across the old wooden towel rack, unfolded, and wrinkled. Grasping the air for a moment, the long, lanky arm finally manages to grip the long, purple, beach towel. A faint shadow can be seen through the glass shower door. The long, purple, beach towel begins to move frantically across the shadowed body, stopping abruptly at the waistline. The glass shower door slides open as Cadryn begins to step out of the shower and onto the carpeted mat below. Cadryn removes the towel from his waistline and gently begins removing some of the condensation left on the old medicine cabinet mirror. As the mirror begins to clear, the reflection of a beautiful man begins to appear. Smiling from ear to ear, Cadryn lays the towel in the plastic laundry basket and begins to speak aloud.

”This is the best day. It's early, the sun is shining bright, and everything is just amazing!”

Cadryn reaches behind himself and grabs a neatly folded outfit, complete with sunglasses. Enthusiastically he begins to dress for the day. After a few moments and a little bit of hopping around, Cadryn has managed to dress himself. I know, I know. I'm just as shocked as you are. Anyways, Cadryn then grabs the aforementioned sunglasses and slowly puts them on before stepping back in front of the mirror once more.



”Oh shit, is that Robert Main? Naw, that's better than Robert Main. That reflection is the reflection of perfection. Hmm, note to self, Reflection Of Perfection; potential name.”

Just incase you were wondering, it's really not normal to talk to your own reflection, dude.

”Jeff, look at this beautiful reflection. You know damn well you'd do the same thing if our roles were reversed.”

The thought of our roles being reversed, like, you writing about Jeff is so terrifying I might actually shit blood.

”You would have a unicorn sidekick named Marcus, it would be magical.”

Cadryn Dies.

”THAT'S NOT FUNNY, JEFF!

That one will always be funny. Regardless, back to work!

Anyways, Cadryn, now fully dressed in full Robert Main like attire, makes his way out of the bathroom, through the remainder of his home, and through the front door. On the porch, Cadryn sits down in his personal rocking chair, making sure his cigarettes are easily accessible, he pulls out his phone and begins dialing. As he brings the phone to his ear, the faint sound of the line connecting rings through the earpiece.

”This had better be good, Cadryn. I've already got enough to deal with pertaining to Lane and his goon platoon.”

”Hey Theo! Today is the best day! I don’t know if you know this or not, but the XWF Universe nominated me for Superstar Of The Month! Aren’t you proud of me?!”

Theo lets out a long winded sigh before answering Cadryn.

”No, Cadryn I didn’t see it. Like I said, I’ve been busy. I won’t go as far as to say I am proud of you, but at least you’re not as shitty as you once were.”

Cadryn’s eyes light up like a child on Christmas morning! This is officially the first time that Theo Pryce has given Cadryn any semblance of a compliment. And wouldn’t you know it? The momentous occasion has had an immediate effect on our hero. With a tear in his eye, and a Viagra-esque erection in his overly tight blue jeans, Cadryn begins to hop around the porch in celebration!

”I NEED TO HUG YOU, LIKE, RIGHT NOW!”

”Cadryn, I swear to God, if you poof..”

And with a small cloud of smoke, Cadryn poofs, instantly transporting him to Theo’s exact location. Which, in this case, happens to be in the bathroom, while Theo is urinating into his solid gold toilet. Before Theo has a chance to react, Cadryn plants a bear hug on him. The force of the hug throws Theo off balance, causing him to urinate up the wall and all over a beautiful 17th century painting.

”GODDAMN IT, CADRYN!”

Cadryn, realizing he has the world's worst timing, tries to lighten the mood.

”Has anyone ever told you that your dink looks like an oddly colored pinecone?”

Already beyond angry, Theo quickly tucks his dink back into his sweatpants. Unsure if he’s flattered or mortified by the remark, he takes a few steps back before responding in a quiet and calm tone that is obviously forced.

”..If you don’t get out of here this instant..”

Cadryn noticing Theo’s forced tone and clenched fist, spouts out a sentence so fast it was almost unintelligible.

”LOVEUBAI”
And with a small cloud of smoke, Cadryn poofs away landing him right back in his personal rocking chair where he had been just moments before.

”You know, come to think of it, his house has a terrible track record when it comes to things being peed on.”

Suddenly, Cadryn’s phone begins to ring. Cadryn pulls his phone from the pocket of his leather jacket and looks at the caller ID. “C and J Talent Agency”. Unsure of who the caller is, or why they are calling, Cadryn answers the phone apprehensively.

”...Hello?”

”Can I speak with..”

Before Cadryn can make out exactly who it is on the other end, the phone begins to break up for a couple of seconds. Not wanting to be rude, Cadryn just acknowledges that he is who they are looking for.

”..That would be me..”

”Hi, my name is Sasha Dixon. I am the lead talent scout for C and J Talent Agency. How are you this morning?”

”Good, and you?”

”Not so bad. We’re calling to let you know, that after seeing your portfolio, and some careful consideration, we’re pleased to offer you the audition. Are you still interested, Mr..?”


The phone cuts out once more for a split second, crushing any hope Cadryn had of figuring out who they are looking for. Thanks to the heroin overdose that proved to be temporarily fatal for our hero, his attention span and motor skills aren’t quite what they used to be. So the chances of him actually paying attention long enough to catch a name are slim to none. Reluctantly, still trying to avoid being rude, Cadryn accepts the offer.

”Still interested? Are you kidding me Janet, of course I’m still interested!”

”My name is Sasha, sir.”

”That’s what I said to begin with, Margaret.”

There is a short silence between the two of them before being broken by Sasha.

”...Right. So, yeah, if you’re still interested go ahead and come down to the studio tomorrow morning at 8am and we’ll get the audition out of the way. It’s honestly just a formality, you’re perfect for the part.”

”Oh, well, it’s good to know that I am perfect for the part. Could you refresh my memory for a moment, and tell me what part and what movie I will be auditioning for?”

”Of course! You’ll be auditioning for the lead role of Rambo in the latest installment of the franchise. “Rambo: First Second Blood - Part III - Revenge Of The Rambo””

Ah, it looks like Cadryn may have zoned out again. Without having any clue about what she is saying, Cadryn accepts.

”Oh, yeah, that all sounds great. So you said 8am? I’ll be there.”

”Awesome. We’re looking forward to working with you, sir. Thank you, once again, and we’ll see you bright and early at 8am.”

”Sounds good, miss. You go on and have yourself a blessed day now, will ya?”

”You as well, sir. Goodbye.”

As the line goes silent, Cadryn pulls the phone away from his ear and slowly slides the button to the left, ending the call on his end as well.

”I probably should have asked her what I’m auditioning for. Or did she tell me? Hell, I don’t know. At the very least I should have asked for directions to the studio, but I can always call her back in the morning. Well, I reckon I’d better head out.”

Dressed in his Sunday best, and by that we mean the Goodwill donated, Robert Main style clothing he’s currently sporting, Cadryn begins to gather his things before going inside to get his truck keys. Keys in hand, Cadryn walks through the door and out onto the porch once more.

Date - June 6th, 2017
Time - 1:48 pm
Location - Austin, TX

A couple of hours has past since we last saw our hero on the front porch of his home. Excited about the news of a movie audition, Cadryn decided to celebrate by going to a newly opened restaurant in Austin, TX.

Pete’s Renaissance Faire and Crab Shack
With a name that screams “You’re better off eating gas station sushi”, Pete’s Renaissance Faire and Crab Shack isn’t going to win a Michelin Star anytime soon. Already seated next to the “Dysentery Simulator Booth” we find Cadryn happily eating his crab legs and twirling his new miniature, foam, lance.

”Now this right here, this is a quality establishment. Where else are you gonna get to eat crab legs while Knights in shining armor ride around dropping horseshit every few inches?”

Already having been mostly finished, Cadryn polishes off his last crab leg. Cadryn stands to his feet, looking around at all the attractions this place has to offer, trying to decide what to do next. Out of the blue, a large man in beautifully crafted silver armor approaches Cadryn. Unsure of this man’s intentions, Cadryn does what he does best and extends his arm looking to shake the hand of this heavily armored stranger.The Knight removes his helmet and drops it to the ground below before smacking Cadryn’s hand out of the way, and positioning himself nose to nose with Cadryn.

You son of a bitch! I thought I told you never to show your face around here again?!

Perplexed and intrigued, Cadryn responds in typical Cadryn fashion.

”Howdy, friend! I believe you may have me mixed up with someone else. This is my first time in your lovely establishment, but I must say I’m thoroughly enjoying myself!

”Shut up, motherfucker. I warned you never to show your face around here again, but you didn’t listen. Are you , or are you just looking to get your ass beat?”

Still confused, Cadryn takes a step back.

”Ass kicked? Like I said, I think you’ve got me confused with someone else. I’m going to politely ask once that you stop threatening me, it’s uncalled for.”

The angry Knight takes a step forward placing himself nose to nose with Cadryn once more.

”Yeah, buddy, ass kicked. After what you did the last time, you’ll be lucky if I don’t fuckin’ kill you this time.”

Startled, angered, and growing increasingly moreso, Cadryn takes another step back.

”Look, pal. Like I said, you’ve got me confused with somebody else.”

Before he can continue, it hits him like a sack of dicks. His attire. Though, I don't believe Robert Main has ever been in this establishment, he does look like a generic tough guy, so that could easily be the issue at hand. I wonder what whoever it was did, that has this guy so heated? It has shed some light on something for all of us, though. The talent agency, this overly aggressive Knight, it all makes sense. The entire world is mistaking Cadryn for Robert Main or some generic looking tough guy. Cadryn begins to chuckle as the Knight looks on astounded.

”This how you prepare for a fuckin’ stompin? You start fuckin’ laughing?!”

”I’m not laughing at you, guy. I’m laughing at the situation. You think I’m some sort of tough guy asshole because of my attire, but I assure I am not. My name is Cadryn Tiberius, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Southern charm only takes a man so far. As quickly as Cadryn extended his hand once more, the Knight knocked it away.

”Bullshit. You’re the same guy I caught..”

With a quickness and force not typically associated with our hero, Cadryn lands a devastating haymaker that crumbles the Knight. The sound of metal clanking on concrete can be heard around the building as the brave knight crashes to the floor.

”You never spurn a man’s handshake twice in a row. Ain’t you got any manners, son? You’re lucky I didn’t just shove my size 13 boot up your ass. Now come on, get on up..”

True to his word, Cadryn helps the Knight to his feet and begins trying to dust him off. Ashamed, bleeding, and embarrassed, the Knight extends his hand as a sign of respect for Cadryn. Cadryn grips the man's hand firmly as the two men shake hands. As the shake is ended, without a word, the Knight turns around and begins to walk away, defeated.

”That’s the easiest way to piss me off. I’ll not tolerate disrespect from anyone. I’m just glad he was man enough to get up and shake hands.”

Just as Cadryn finishes his sentence, a whistle is blown relatively close to our hero. A voice rings out above the crowd.

”GET DOWN ON THE GROUND, NOW!”

Less than 500 feet from Cadryn stands a monster of a man screaming and blowing that whistle like it’s his job. Probably because it is his job, it’s a security guard. It appears that after their sudden altercation, the Knight tucked his manhood and tattle tailed on Cadryn. Standing roughly 6’7, weighing about 350 lbs, this monster of a man has his sights set on Cadryn.

”Oh you’ve gotta be shitting me..”

Like greased lightning the security guard makes a mad dash towards our hero!

”Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.”

With that being said, we see a small puff of smoke and Cadryn disappears into thin air once more! The security guard comes to a screeching halt unsure if he can believe what he just saw! As it turns out, Cadryn didn’t go far. Standing about a football fields length away, we see Cadryn decked out in full jester garb standing behind what looks to be a large wooden booth. As we approach the booth, we see a sign that simply reads “Puppets”. It looks as though Cadryn poofed out in order to blend in with his surroundings! And here we all thought he was ! A crowd has began gathering around the booth Cadryn is occupying. Never being one to shy away from opportunity, it looks like it’s time to start the show!.

”Gather around my friends, and I’ll tell you a tale. The story of Robert Main, and why he’s so fail. A tragedy his career, it’s so easy to see. Will he ever be more than the weakest link of Ax3? He calls himself “Omega”, but we all know truth. The Alpha stands before you, right here, in this booth! ”

As the crowd goes wild, Cadryn ducks down out of sight!

”Ladies and gentleman, The Essence Of Excellence proudly presents: Cocksock Mobert Rain!”

Slowly rising into our field of view, we see Cadryn’s latest creation..”



The crowd is silent now. More than likely, this is the first time any of these folks has ever seen someone put a sock on their cock to potentially use as a puppet. With Cocksock Mobert Rain ready to roll, it looks like it’s time to start the show!

”Howdy, Mobert. How are you doing today?”

”I’m just swell, Cadryn! How about you?!”

”I’m doing good, buddy, real good. I gotta ask though, pal. Where do you get off talking all that random shit about me? Not cool, man.”

”Aw, gee, man. I don’t even know. It’s obvious that you’re more talented than me in every way. Look at how you wear that jacket and those sunglasses. You’re the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

”Well, thank you, Mobert, you’re too kind. You’re also totally right.”

”You’re the greatest, Cadryn. I’ve always wanted to be like you. So cool, so carefree, so talented. My leather jacket and my sunglasses don’t look nearly as good as yours do. It was my birthday recently, and my friends took me to a club. All I did was drink a couple of Capri Suns and the club couldn’t handle me anymore! But then I molested my best friend, blacked out, and ended up in prison. It’s been a rough week, Cadryn.”

”Wow, pal, that does sound rough! Now, I’ll be honest with you, Mobert. You said a lot of things about me, and I’m going to have to address that. I’m not big on hurting feelings, but you might just get your feelings hurt, buddy, understand?”

”I understand, friend. I just want you to know that you’re the greatest thing to ever happen to the XWF and if I were half as cool as you, I’d still be cooler than I am now.”

”That’s very true, friend.”

”Let’s get to it then, shall we? First of all, Robert, let me congratulate you. You made true on your promises, and you came out of Warfare victorious. You even said you had a blast, and that’s awesome, having fun is important. How am I feeling? I feel great, man. I mean, did you really think that your pussified chair shot and “brutal” beatdown would be enough to keep The Essence Of Excellence down? Hardly. Just incase you happened to miss it, shortly after our match I took care of some unfinished business I had with Mezian. So once again, Ax3’s attempt at taking me out fell flat. It makes me laugh that you think the two things that everyone thinks about me are that I talk “slick” and that I apparently have taken the word “pussy” to a whole new level. I mean, I’ll agree that my verbal barrage is likely to be bested in any situation, that’s pretty much my bread and butter. As for the word pussy, are you suggesting that I overuse the word or that my fortitude is so lacking that I’ve reinvented the word? You should work on your clarification skills, they leave a lot to be desired. You talk about how all you’ve heard about lately is my accomplishments, my improvements, and basically the fact that everybody loves me. I mean, duh. It’s common knowledge, it isn’t a secret. No matter where you look in the XWF as of late, Cadryn is there. Warfare, Savage, High Stakes, Luca’s review, etc. I am the Essence Of Excellence, dude. It’s not hard to believe that all you see is me. As for it all crashing down around me after yet another loss?

Nope.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. My win/loss record literally means fuck all to me. It’s ironic to me that you differentiate our roster into groups like chumps and champions, because it is so much more than that. Does a former Universal champion who happens to lose a few matches in a row become a chump? Does a chump who happens to have a hot streak become a champion? It’s not that linear, I’m sorry to say. Nothing changes within me, Robert. I give the exact same effort every time I step into that ring. I will always respect those that respect me, and I will always give them everything I’ve got. Win or lose, it’s all left in the ring in the end. Things don’t always pan out, and that’s okay. You spend so much time talking so much shit that you forget, I honestly don’t care what you have to say. You’re nothing to me, dude. I respect what you’ve done in the ring, but the fact of the matter is, you’re just another hurdle I’ll clear on the fast track to Hart Champion. Honestly, I’d care a lot more about what you had to say if it wasn’t so mundane and generic. Do you have any idea how many of my opponents have said practically the exact same thing that you’re saying? You guys all seem to preach on the fact that I don’t win every match, or that I’m not the Essence Of Excellence, or that The Kings™ don’t even like me. And guess what, Robert? The last three men that have gone this exact route, have fallen before me. Why? Because they realized all too late that they weren’t in the ring with the man they thought they knew. You don’t know me, you know of me what I allow you to. You have no idea my potential, my drive, my talent. You pretend you do, just because it gives you a chance to take your little pot shots at me. But this was over before it began, dude. Relying on tactics that are subpar at best are your only means of survival, and because of that, you’re at a severe disadvantage already!

You continue you to claim that I don’t deserve this title shot, and that I didn’t earn it. You wanna pull from the rankings, that’s fine. Yep, I’m #10. And I love it. It isn’t because I think I should be #10, we all know I’m #1. I love it because you fail to see that prior to you actually paying any attention, those rankings changed dramatically. Let’s go ahead and recap, just so I can make you look like a bigger ass than I already have.

04-12-17 - Cadryn Tiberius #14 - Robert Main #2

04-30-17 - Cadryn Tiberius #17 - Robert Main #5

Oh would you look at that. Cadryn Tiberius lost yet another match and fell back down the rankings let’s call him out on it! Oh wait, it seems that a certain Hart Champion has also fallen down the rankings that week as well. Hmm, looks like I wasn’t the only one to have a bad week, eh Bobby?

05-07-17 - Cadryn Tiberius #15 - Robert Main #3

Oh shit, son! Like the Jeffersons we’re moving on up! Not exactly back to our original spots quite yet, but we’re getting there!

05-14-17 - Cadryn Tiberius #14 - Robert Main #4

What’s this?! Cadryn moved up one spot while Robert fell back one?! Seems as though that Cadryn fella might be on the climb once again while Robert seems to be falling short of his former glory. At this point, Cadryn has made it back to his original standing, while Robert is still fluctuating. Still down two spots from his original ranking.

05-21-17 - Cadryn Tiberius #10 - Robert Main #2

You finally made it back to your original spot, Robert! I’m proud of you dude. But wait, Cadryn moved up another four spots?

Let this be a lesson to you, Robert. If you’re going to preach false bravado, at least do your research. From what I can see, according to the rankings that you were so quick to use against me, it looks as though we’re pretty evenly matched. Both of us taking the fall and then climbing back up the ladder. So, Robert, tell me more about how I don’t deserve this title shot and how you’re so much better than I am. Because, according to those rankings, that doesn’t seem to be the case at all, pal.

As I said earlier, yeah, I lost on Warfare, you made good on your promise while I welched on mine. You go as far as to say that it’s the same tired old bullshit and that old habits die hard.

Seriously?

Pot. Meet. Kettle.

Do you even know who I am, like at all?

I ALWAYS TALK ABOUT HOW AMAZING I AM AND THEN I LOSE, YOU IDIOT. THAT’S WHAT MAKES ME SO GODDAMN AMAZING!

You idiots keep on falling for the shit every week, it’s hilarious! You can’t call me on tired old bullshit when I make it 100% available for the world every week. You act like I don’t do this shit on purpose, like I don’t get you guys all riled up for the fun of it. Your game is no match for mine, son. Week after week I take guys like you, generic tough guys with no real passion, and no real intellectual capacity and I run through that ass like you were a pussy in prison. However, the sun shines on a horse's ass sometimes. And by that, I mean occasionally you say things that aren’t completely ignorant. It’s true that you haven’t been much for losing, as you haven’t lost in a while. It’s also true that you’ve never been pinned, and that’s commendable. It truly is, dude. But you don’t seem to get how this works, how life works in general. There is so much more to a person than their win/loss record. You say that on paper compared to you I am meaningless, but the rankings paint an entire different picture. They paint a picture of a man who works his ass off, takes his losses in stride, and keeps moving forward. A man who perseveres through the worst that life has to offer and still manages to come out humble and victorious.

Everything that you’ve said so far, everything that you have tried so hard to accomplish with your promo has done nothing but cement the fact that I am the better man.

You claim that my statement about being plateaued was complete shit, but it’s not, Robert.

From everything I do, to everything I say, it is ungodly apparent that I am still on a level far beyond anything you could ever hope to understand.

You said something along the lines of me defending my losses to you because of my partner being shit, etc. And then you asked if we separated our wins/losses based on how much help we have.

I don’t blame my losses on my inadequate partners, Robert. As I’ve said before, sometimes you just don’t have what it takes to get the job done, and in those instances, that was the case. I didn’t have what it takes to beat THREE men. I may comment on my partner's lack of fortitude being problematic, but in the end the victory relied on me to get the job done, and I just couldn’t do it. I’ll tell you right now, I’ve got what it takes to beat ONE man. You don’t have to believe it, I prefer that you don’t.

You say good job on beating Green, a legend, but then you exclaim that I haven’t beaten any of our top current generation superstars.

Oh, really?

Do the names Thomas Nixon and Jack Cain ring a bell, Robert?

All bullshit aside, I beat Thomas Nixon. The title changing hands may have been reversed, but the fact remains that the victory is mine. Thomas Nixon is twice the man that you could ever hope to be, so before you write him off as some “chump” as you would say, I’d rethink my actions. On top of that, Jack Cain is one of the most promising superstars to enter the XWF in quite a while. Not since the likes of Myself, Jim Caedus, and even you Robert. So to write them off as insignificant victories is disrespectful to say the least.

Honestly, I’m considering giving you all my Xbux just so you’ll shut the fuck up for the rest of the week. There is only so much generic tough guy bullshit I can stand.

Your routine is stale, your time is up, and to quote Mezian “Your end is nigh.” I want to see you take your loss like a goddamn man, get back up, shake my hand, and fucking move on. No more pussified chair shots, no more shitty trio’s matches, nothing.

This will be the end, I assure you..”

The crowd goes wild as Cadryn ends his first performance with Cocksock Mobert Rain! Cadryn steps outside of the booth and bows to the audience who at that point, give him a standing ovation. Cadryn smiles, waves, and poofs away in a small cloud of smoke. As the scene slowly begins to fade, we are returned to Cadryn’s front porch where he is sitting in his rocking chair, dressed like Robert Main, enjoying life the way it should be enjoyed.

(To Be Continued..)