The shot opens on a sign propped up reading “Roger Ailes Memorial Service”, complete with a picture of the media maven looking particularly waddle necked. Past the sign and we are inside a grand ballroom, chock full of right wing personalities and dignataries. Hey, there's Tucker Carlson! And literal Nazi Richard Spencer! Not to mention hot set of tits Tomi Lahren!

In short, its a room full of assholes.

But even in a room full of assholes like this one, there is an asshole hierarchy if you will. Bleached assholes on top and nasty smelly poopy assholes on the bottom. And unfortunately for Madison Dyson, she is currently in the later group.

Madison: This party fuckin' blows.

Milo Yiannopoulos: It blows even harder than me.

Oh yeah, Milo's there too. The disgraced right wing gadfly guzzles the last of his Appletini. Madison summons over one of the wait staff, whose tray features a mound of white powder. Madison picks up a straw and has herself a bump.

Milo: But at least you still have a show. What do I have...? I swear, you share one fond childhood memory of getting pegged by a full grown man and suddenly your the Great Satan.

Madison: It just isn't the same anymore. I mean, when we had Barack all we had to do was talk lots of shit and play at being the victims. But now that we're back in charge we have nobody to devour but ourselves. I mean Jesus, look what they did to Papa Bear and Roger. It's a goddamn shame.

Madison shakes her head solemnly and waves off the offer of another hit.

Milo: So, what are you gonna do?

Madison: Engy and I are going back to wrestling.

Milo looks shocked.

Milo: Are you fuckin' serious? With that window licker?!

Madison: Hey bitch, we found ourselves a nice new home. Place called XWF. Right now their big storyline revolves around this motherfucker who dresses like Skeletor and goes around talking about raping and killing young girls like some teenage edgelord. I figure we'll be runnin' that shit in a couple months.

Milo: But.....Engy?

Madison: Who better? He's completely under my control again. Speaking of....

She starts looking around, and the camera follows her gaze over to a punch table. Engy has cornered Fox News' Kimberly Guilfoyle against the table. He looks as bad as he smells no doubt, wearing a thrift store suit with a bow tie he botched tying and just stapled together. Somehow, the bottoms of his slacks are already covered with filth.

Engy: ….so I propped his mouth open with this pipe I found and made him lay there while I shit down his throat. Highest rated Bum Fight in history. Pretty sweet, huh?

Kimberly (terrified): Uh, yeah....p-pretty sweet....

Engy: Wanna touch my penis?

Madison hooks her arm in Engy's and pulls him away from the table and back towards her side of the room.

Engy: WHAT THE FUCK?! THAT MEXICAN CHICK WAS TOTALLY INTO ME!

Madison: Shhhhhhh!

She rushes to lower his voice as everyone turns to look at them.

Madison: Didn't I promise you all the ass you could handle once we got to XWF?

Engy (pouting): But I want ass now.

Madison: **Sigh** Ok, ok. I'll make sure you get some ass tonight. But not her. She has the clap. And AIDS. ClapAids.

Engy: Whoa....

Madison: Yeah, super bad stuff. Make your dick fall right off.

They arrive back on their side of the room and Engy sneers at Milo.

Engy: Oh its YOU....uhh....uhh...

Madison: His name is Milo.

Engy: Uhhhhh....

Madison: Milo.

Engy: …..gay man.

Madison: I just said his name twice.

Milo (rolling his eyes): Just brilliant. Yes, Engy, I'm gay. Can we get past it?

Engy: You'd like me to walk past you....so you can touch my bum.

Madison: Both of you shut up, I wanna hear what this tool has to say.

Indeed, Fox News' Sean Hannity has taken the podium at the front of the room.

Sean: Greetings everyone...

Milo: **cough** tosser **cough**

Madison: Fu **achoo** ckbucket!

Sean: **Ahem** And nice to see you too Madison and Milo....

Engy: EAT SHIT!!!

Sean: ….and Engy. Now if I can continue, we are all here tonight to honor the legacy of our good friend Roger Ailes who, despite some setbacks late in life, was a friend, mentor, and even a father figure to many of us here in this room. Why, I remember meeting him for the first time as a young lad and being awestruck by the sheer aura the man had. Like every word that passed through his lips was the epitome of truth. I'll never forget the time he sat me on his knee and said “Don't let 'em spit it out or they'll never respect you.” Words to live by.

He dabs an eye with his hankie. In the background, he continues to prattle on as we return to Madison, Engy, and Milo. Engy kicks the seat in front of him.

Engy: I'm bored. I wanna cut a promo.

Madison: I thought we agreed I was going to be doing that.

Engy: Oh yeah. Wait, why?

Madison: Because you can't hold a coherent thought for longer than 5 seconds.

Engy: Can I cut a promo on Roger then cuz it's for his funeral?

Madison looks at Sean Hannity, still pontificating like the try-hard douche he is, and smirks.

Madison: Ayyyup.

Without any hesitation whatsoever, Engy wades through the crowd up to the podium. Sean panics and starts to look frantically around for security before remembering they blew through the budget for hired goons on coke. Engy shoves Sean away from the podium before grabbing the mic, causing it to illicit an ear piercing screech.

Engy: SHUT UP MICROPHONE!

It complies.

Engy: AND ALSO SHUT UP SEAN HANNITY! I WILL MAKE YOU SHIT THROUGH YOUR DICK!

Sean Hannity pisses his pants. Like a bitch. Engy turns to the crowd.

Engy: Hey folks. I just wanna say that Roger Ailes was the nicest man with vagina neck I ever met. And he must have been a wizard because he got to show pretty ladies his penis all the time and got lots of money but when I did it I just got 'straining orders. And also....

The shot cuts back to Madison. The XWF logo appears in the bottom corner of the screen.

Milo: I will never understand how you just get promo cameras to appear like that.

Madison: Milo honey, back the fuck out my shot. Mama's workin'.

Madison takes in a deep self satisfied breath. A smile crosses her features, and in that moment, everything is zen. She is back home.

Madison: Everything you know and love about XWF is going to die.

She says in a matter of fact tone of voice.

Madison: Sure, I know what you're thinking. Plenty of rookie upstarts have walked through those doors saying they would be game changers. That they would upend the status quo. The thing is though, I have a proven track record of doing those things. And what's more, it's gonna be easy.

I've seen what passes for good promo work around here. Guys? It's not good. I mean, it's your typical mish mash of self-absorbed “backstory” bullshit and a bunch of emotionally stunted throwbacks who think all it takes to garner attention is to pound your chimp hands on a keyboard long enough to call everybody “” and call it a wrap.

I mean, where's the art, people? There is a certain je nais sae quoi to using the medium of the spoken word to humiliate your fellow man. And if you think you can capture that by frantically copying down the etchings on a stall door as you pray nobody can hear your masturbate in a Denny's restroom and passing that off as your own work the next night, well then sweet thing I am going to verbally gutfuck you. And then Engy will physically gutfuck you.

But it's more than that. It's drive. It's that unceasing desire to be at the top of the food chain. And I have that in spades. And Engy? Well, he'll destroy anyone I tell him to destroy for a can of cat food and a titty mag. I know you're probably used to one and done newcomers who go home after their first match because they can't hack it. But we're gonna be here for a very, very long time. There is a reason that the name Fox and Friends is uttered with such trepidation in the halls of so many wrestling promotions. Why the names Madison Dyson and The Engineer are spoken of with equal parts reverence and dread.

It's because we get shit done.

And sometimes, the smart ones tag along for the ride. Make no mistake, we're all in for alliances with like minded bastards. So long as you don't suck. Granted, greatness seems to be in short supply here. But I've got my eye on a couple.

She shakes her head.

Madison: That ain't you three though. Luigi, Mar-....actually back the fuck up. Luigi? Like, the Nintendo character? Luigi? Not even the a-list Nintendo character, the one you made your little brother pick so he had to use the second player port that didn't always work right so you could laugh at him when he died repeatedly, and then when he finally gets so frustrated and descends into a screaming aneurysm shit fit you complain to mom and dad that maybe he's not mature enough for video games yet and should wait a couple more years. Hypothetically speaking. Thanks Luigi for the monopoly I had on the NES as a kid. But you still suck.

XWF can we maybe get Wario on the ph-wait? Holy fuck? Seriously. You got him too? And all under the same banner as multiple child rapists. What could go wrong?

And then we got Marcus Chambers, who from what I can tell seems to be the only nigga on the planet who listens to Slipknot. I got nothin' else for you yet, so why don't you fill the airwaves with some concentrated stupid before deadline drops next week so I can rectify that, savvy?

Madison grins. A savage evil grin.

Madison: But then there is Thomas Righteous. Oh, Tommy. Dear, sweet, simple Tommy. Remember just a couple minutes ago when I was talking about bad promos? I'll wait while you rewind. It's ok.

Oh, are you back now? Did you get that? Yeah, I was talking about you. If they made cookie cutters for wrestling promos, they would be Tommy Righteous brand cookie cutters. Fuck's sake, you even have a catch phrase! Now normally I charge $299 an hour for my expert insight into wrestling promo mastery but I'll throw you a life preserver on this one because BY THE GODS do you need it.

NEVER EVER DO CATCH PHRASES. EVER. Underline EVER like a fuck ton of times.

At best, even when they are decent, catch phrases become tired cliches But in your case your catch phrase might as well be “I am on the spectrum and have velcro shoes.” By the by, I also hit up your bio on the XWF roster page because I have serious masochistic tendencies and read where it said that you think that you believe anyone who disagrees with you is inferior to you intellectually, which would almost be believable if I wasn't so sure your classrooms growing up all had teacher's aides.

So step up your game and maybe someday I'll let you be the Fox and Friends mascot or something. That's if Engy doesn't hollow out your skull next week for his apple sauce.

Speaking of Engy...

Engy: ….so then Applejack and Fluttershy worked together on the farm getting it ready for Rarity's big birthday celebration. The end!

Madison sidles up next to Engy.

Madison: This is why you're not allowed to cut the promos.

Engy: That shit was gooooood.

By this point, the entire ballroom has cleared out.

Engy: I'm gonna murder everyone who left.

Madison: Hold that thought, I got an idea.

Moments later, we see Kimberly Guilfoyle in the coat room. She steps in, looking for her jacket amidst all the others, when Madison steps into the doorway behind her.

Madison: I always keep my promises, buddy. Well mostly. Well, this one, because it's funny.

Kimberly: ...huh?

Madison shuts the door and we hear the distinctive click of a lock. Suddenly, Engy peeks his head out from amidst the jackets.

Engy: I'm gonna put it in your butt so I don't get Clapaids.

The shot cuts outside the coat room as a shriek sounds out from within. Milo chuckles and shakes his head.

Milo: You are SUCH a bitch.

Madison: And don't you forget it.

END!