Candyass Bar - Night time


The beat is seductive but murky. So much so that it’s impossible to determine which one is the lead vocalist and which is just some guy in a mood for a good night’s singing. It’s pathetic and, at its heart, unforgivable. The bartender, Tom Dorn , mid 30’s, wiry, soulful eyes, sits at a counter with a zippo lighter and a bottle of Coke. His eyebrows are furrowed and his uniform is wrinkled. He looks like he’s just about been run over by a bulldozer. The front door to the bar opens, and Micheal Graves appears.

Micheal Graves: “YO, Where’s that Mark at!?

Nobody pays Graves any mind. Isn’t that normal?

Micheal Graves: “I said!”

Tom Dorn: “I heard you! Mark isn’t here!”

Graves is unphased by this news!

Micheal Graves: “Isn’t that him on stage!”

On stage we finally see the out of tune singer. It’s Alias!

Tom Dorn: “Listen pal, I don’t know, but you’d better not be here to cause trouble!”

Graves acts offended!

Micheal Graves: “ME!? NO WAY BUD! I just want to talk!”

Graves approaches the stage and yells up to Alias.

Micheal Graves: “Hey Mark, I want that Freestyle belt back!”

Alias doesn’t notice Graves though because he’s singing, and possibly drunk.

Micheal Graves: “I SAID… Fuck it!”

Graves rushes the stage and attacks Alias from behind! (like always!) Alias falls off the stage, but Graves doesn’t pursue. Instead he grabs the mic and starts bellowing out a very poor rendition of “If You Want Blood” by AC/DC. It’s totally not the song playing right now. After a moment of that, Graves dives off the stage, flattening Alias with his Gilly weight!

Micheal Graves: “Somebody count!”

Nobody does. Seconds pass. Graves won, but no ref. Damn it! Suddenly a whale of a woman appears. Her breath smells like tuna and her tits are sagging to the floor. She informs Micheal that she’s a member of the national wrestling official union and can count the pin for him. A good 20 seconds have passed.

Micheal Graves: “THEN FUCKING COUNT IT ALREADY!”

”I’m horny!”

Micheal Graves: “Can it Gilly!”


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