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"Big Puddin'" Herschel Kiss · (04-15-2021)

BREAKING NEWS!

The scene opens to Tommy Slavino in the BOB studios!

Tommy Slavino: "Hello BOB fans, I'm Tommy Slavino, and BOY do I have a Hell of a breaking story for you!

Tommy Slavino: "That's right, "Big Puddin'" Herschel Kiss has has been found! Here with me to tell the thrilling story of his escape from the clutches of Demos, the man himself, Herschel Kiss!"

Herschel Kiss comes wobbling onto the scene. In his hand is a half devoured plate of food from earlier. Despite being half eaten, it's still more food than the average person could possibly eat in one sitting.

Tommy Slavino: "Herschel, welcome to the bWo studios!"

Herschel Kiss: "Thanks fam. Say, you got an RC Cola?"

Tommy Slavino: "Uh, no, but I might have..."

Tommy digs around under his desk for a moment before finding a can of Faygo Orange Soda.

Tommy Slavino: "Yeah, I have an orange soda if you want it champ!"

Herschel scoffs at the offer.

Herschel Kiss: "That supposed to be some sort of racist's thing! Just because I'm black I gotta like orange soda!?"

Tommy looks a little uneasy.

Tommy Slavino: "Oh, I'm sorry Herschel, I didn't mean to imply anything by it."

Herschel's stone cold angry face quickly cracks away as he succumbs to laughter!

Herschel Kiss: "Nah nigga, I'm just playin'! Grape that racist flavor anyway, now gimme' that shit!"

Kiss snatches the can out of Tommy's hand, opens the fucker with his teeth, and sucks, yes SUCKS the soda out of the can, crushing it with his powerful lungs. Somehow he doesn't even choke, too bad Charlie can't say the same! Tommy looks on stunned for a moment. You can tell that he hasn't interacted with Mr. Kiss very much.

Tommy Slavino: "Herschel, while I have you here, would you mind telling the folks at home exactly what happened to you, and how you escaped Demos clutches?"

Herschel Kiss: "That shit? Listen dawg, Demos shoves me under that ring and that was the last I saw of him. That shit about stuffing me in a van, motherfucker, I weigh more than twice Demos dumbass. He couldn't possibly lift me into a van by himself. Also, I don't fit in vans! That's why Miss Fury had to buy the BOB bus to get me too and from shows!"

Tommy Slavino: "So Demos was NEVER in possession of you?"

Herschel Kiss: "Fuck no! I heard he had my ass on TV or something, but that wasn't me. I think that nigga taking liberties with my likeness!"

Tommy Slavino: "Okay, so if Demos never actually kidnapped you, then where have you been all of this time?"

Herschel Kiss: "Stuck under that fucking ring! Demos really crammed me in there and I couldn't squeeze out! I had to wait for the ring crew to come tear the ring down to get free. Of course that took almost a week before anyone showed up!"

Tommy Slavino: "Well, Vincent Lane does run a loose ship. I hear most territories air the shows days late due to the editing team not being able to get the job done on time, so it's not surprising that the ring crew takes a week to get the job done as well! Just one more question before you go Herschel."

Herschel has a mouth full of food as he spit talks.

Herschel Kiss: "Yeah man, ask away!"

Tommy Slavino: "How did you survive for nearly a week while trapped under the ring!?"

Herschel Kiss: "Rats!"

Tommy Slavino: "Rats? Like, you ate rats?"

Herschel Kiss: "Hey man, don't judge. I did what I had to do!"

Tommy Slavino: "Indeed you did Herschel, and nobody is judging you for nothing!"

Tommy faces the camera as Herschel wonders off and crams his face.

Tommy Slavino: "There you have it! Herschel Kiss, a true survivor and an inspiration to us all! The only question now is, what the fuck is Demos deal!?"

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