We open on the interior of Madison Dyson's opulent mansion, where she is seated in a plush chair with one foot propped up on an ottoman in an air cast. Madison is wincing like she's in a lot of pain. Takeshi 69 is there too, and he's feeding Madison grapes by hand which she imbibes like a baby bird. Finally, Madison seems to notice the camera.

Oh hi! *Hisses in pain* I wish we could talk under better circumstances XWF, but I have some very bad news! Madison nods towards the air cast. I have suffered a debilitating injury! Ooooh, ouchies!

Takeshi leans in. Yo babe, it's ok, I'm here for you!

Yeah, so I have what is commonly known as a boil on my foot! Color me surprised! I thought things like that only happened to ugly people, but it turns out they can happen to anyone, even rich, famous beautiful people. Heh...my mind was blown! And it's a pretty bad one too!

Takeshi nods. Yeah, it's maaaaad nasty. We tried to pop the shit and it was just like a firehose of fuckin' pus hittin' the ceiling. I ain't ever seen somethin' so disgustin'.

Heh heh... it's yucko!

It's so fuckin' gross. Like a baby's fist. And it throbs like it's some kinda alien parasite or some shit.

Yeah...yeah.... Madison's lips thin like she's starting to get annoyed.

Goddamn thing sent our sex life right down the shitter too! Now, every time I even look at Madison all I can think of is that puss filled tumor lookin' shit down there and I'm all like "Damn bitch, that shit's makin' my dick soft!"

SHUT THE FUCK UP TAKESHI! Madison blurts out. Takeshi wisely clamps his mouth shut. Anyway, against my wishes my doctor is pulling me from active competition to give it time to heal. I know...I know! Madison holds her hands up. I tried to argue with him, but he wasn't hearing any of it. So, long story short, I will not be able to defend my "Atara Themis Minimal Effort World Championship" on the August 29th edition of Savage. I return to active competition on August 30th at 12:01 AM on the dot! Very, very unfortunate timing, I think you will all agree.

So Atticus and Jenny, as the Spanish would say "Mil Disculpas". But it's out of my hands. Atticus I slipped the doctor's note under your door along with some reading material on the Black Lives Matter movement. You know, you really should be more in touch with the tribulations of your brothas and sistas in arms. We need to present a unified front, Atticus, not be enemies!

Anyhoo, I'm gonna go slam some Vicodin and binge watch that Netflix food show I like so much. The uhhhh....*she snaps her fingers"....honey, what's the one with the fat China-man?

Ugly Delicious?

Yes! That's the one. She waves at the camera. Byyyyyeeeee!