Threaded Mode | Linear Mode

Lacklan · **06-30-2020, 06:35 PM**

Sarah Lacklan walks into the Hallway of DOOM with a briefcase under her arm. She finds Tommy...who is licking a picture of her legendary #SquatBooty from their fight a few days ago...gross...and gives him a small smile. She opens the briefcase and pulls out a series of small objects which, when assembled, become a portable screen. After setting the screen in place, Sarah pulls out her phone...now a shitty iPhone and no longer a SWEET Windows phone, unfortunately...and flashes her Billion $$$ Smile.

Thank you for coming to my SAR Talk

For those who do not know me, my name is Sarah Lacklan-

She tosses back her luxurious platinum locks and the sound of ascending piano notes fill the air.

-Marketing Genius, and I am here to discuss what an insult it is that Tommy Wish is the Federweight Champion. The Federweight, for those unaware, is a championship built upon the ability to cut a promo, and the fact that Tommy is the champ is a wonderful microcosm to how much this place has turned to shit since I left. Please turn your attention to Slide #1.

CLICK

[Image: v6U3leu.jpg]

Here we see Tommy being "edgy" and "hardcore." You will notice the "extreme" use of items most known for garbage wrestling, such as the antiquated fork from Sudan's famous butchery. Now, one might assume this is him displaying his ability to win hardcore, or "garbage" matches, as I prefer the term, but this is where you would find yourself in the wrong. You see, Tommy doesn't win matches. At all. Literally zero. And why is that? Because he spends all of his time focusing on the same dumb shit over and again, never growing, never excelling. Just an endless array of mediocre blah blah that does little to entice or excite anyone beyond a 5th grade reading level. In fact, he and his partner have spent so much time chasing after a grade of 'Well...its not terrible, per ce, just not good' that they belong more in the realm of the seventeen Zane vs. Insert Random Blackwater Here match. Moving on.

CLICK

[Image: WlCbshy.jpg]

The result of Tommy's special brand of Same Shit, Different Day is, of course, the same: Him sitting in a Denny's, pressing a Moons over My Hammy that was delivered ice cold to his eye, wondering what went wrong. But since they heard what I had to say and STILL literally said 'So what if we keep repeating ourselves?!' in response, it shouldn't be too surprising that they found themselves here. And finally...

CLICK

[Image: TpDniQV.jpg]

Here we see Future Tommy, finally having given up trying to have even a shred of credibility within XWF, and exploring his career of butterfly catching with his babymama Georgette. Someday, I hope she finally says 'yes.'

Thank you for attending my SAR Talk.

Sarah gives one more smile and, as Tommy goes back to licking the picture of her butt, she grabs the portable screen, whacks him over the head, and goes for the cover.

1!

2!

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode SAR Talk
Author	Message