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Big Jim's House a Drugs
09-12-2017, 09:30 PM
Post: #1
OOC: I honestly had no intention to shoe horn in one more until like 5 minutes ago when a sleepless Engy handler couldn't stop giggling like an idiot about this mental image. Oh God, I am sorry....

We are treated to the sight of the interior of a run down crack house that has been done up to look like a storefront. Before you, is a chipped and faded end table with a children's pre-school cash register on it. The colors on the register keys make a smiley face, and when you open the till it makes a cartoony "cha-ching" sound, I'm quite sure of it.

Behind the makeshift counter are a series of sagging shelves chock full of presciption bottles with the labels torn off, baggies of unknown substances, burnt spoons, used needles, and scales.

A dead ringer for Jim Caedus suddenly shoots up from behind the counter. He's wearing a bathrobe that has vomit stains on it, a torn Mountain Dew t-shirt, and tighty whities that are waaaaaay past their expiration date.


Ugh *urp* fuck, welcome to Jim Caedus' House A Drugs!

He casts an arm back at his "wares", almost toppling over as he does so, as a starburst graphic appears on screen affirming that yes, this is indeed, Jim Caedus' House of Drugs.

A flippity flop a doo wop! We got a veritable variety of chemical consumables for imbibin' indulgence! Prices so low they'll make your pecker pulsate and your eyeballs oscillate! And the selection? Holy Christ a Rapture, THE SELECTION!

We got uppers, downers, poppers and snappers! We got pots, dots, caps, cubes, and crystal! We got 'tussin, toot, K2, Kush, and Wack! We got Angel Dust, School Bus, Boomers, Shroomers, and Benzos! Baby, the...



K
I
N
G

O
F

D
R
U
G
S


....has got it all! WIP WAP A SNIPPITY SNAP! Why do I talk like this? YEARS OF UNTREATED MENTAL ILLNESS!

He bashes his fists on the children's cash register, causing it to illicit it's playful "cha-ching" as it falls to the floor, spilling Monopoly money everywhere. The manic gleam in fake Jim's eyes gets worse. Spittle starts to course through the cracks of his mouth and a trickle of blood escapes one of his nostrils.

So whether your just lookin' for the briefest of buzzes or trying to erase decades worth of your loved ones ignoring ya BECAUSE THEY CAN'T STAND THE SIGHT OF YOUR FUCK UP FACE ANYMORE....

Jim picks up the cash register off the floor and tosses it through a nearby window in an abrupt burst of manic rage. The register can be heard "chaching-ing" all the way down until it hits a car, triggering it's alarm. Jim covers his ears and screams.

GAAAHHHHH IT'S LIKE HARPIES FROM HELL SWIMMING IN MY BRAIN CELLS!

With an unsteady gate Jim makes his way back to his product. He tears one of the baggies open and shotguns the whole thing down the hatch. He belches loudly, causing a fine dust to spill forth out of his mouth like a dragon's aborted attempt at fire breathing.

Where was I? OH YEAH! So mosey on down to Jim Caedus' House of Drugs! And remember, there is only one....


K
I
N
G

O
F

D
R
U
G
S


Mmmbop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du, yeah
Mmmbop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba du dop
Ba du bop, ba du dop
Ba du, yeah....


Fake Jim starts to frantically claw at the skin on his stomach, reopening festering old sores.

In an mmmbop they're gone
In an mmmbop they're not there
In an mmmbop they're gone
In an mmmbop they're not there
Until you lose your hair
Oh
But you don't care, yeah


One side of Jim's face goes slack, and one arm drops to his side, suddenly useless.

Mmmbop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du, yeah
Mmmbop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba du dop
Ba du bop, ba du dop
Ba du, yeah


And, with the stroke having completed it's vicious course through his gray matter, fake Jim Caedus finally drops dead. The screen fades to solemn black.

This message paid for by Madison Dyson, America First, and the Trump Steering Committee on Stopping Drugs Because They are Very, Super Bad.

[Image: just-say-no_o_1665245.jpg]

[Image: 9QBn3eQ.jpg]

Props to Michael Graves for the banner!



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Big Jim's House a Drugs - Maddy and Engy - 09-12-2017 09:30 PM
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