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CM Punk · (02-11-2014)

"God is serenity. Peace, love, and warmth, and if you can't accept that, you're simply crazy,"

I pause and begin to ponder the workings of some people. To truly think that they can be saved by some belief as silly as something like, oh, I don't know, evolving from monkies.
Poor ignorants. I continue, "Why would anyone believe anyone but such simple truths? Ribs are delicious, and to be made from them is a privilege, not a right, silly women. Now get back to cooking, and watching your shows that make you feel better about your nothingness of a life."

I pause, catch my breath, and smile.
"Women really do have nothing going on, but if they did, us men, us important beings of society would have to not only provide, but do house work. Woman work. That's truly unacceptable. Truly a crime against the right ideals that the men had back in the early days, before women started thinking. Why allow such inferior beings to have thoughts? I always pondered why god would do such a thing.
And then it hit me. God is inferior, or at least has become inferior to the thoughts that travel through some of his own creations brains. That only applies to the male population, though, of course. We have free will, thinking, logic, and so much more. God intended for us to surpass him. And I think one of us finally did."

Breathing heavily, the crowd at the press conference begins to give me strange looks. One man begins to speak, but I cut him off. Thoughts from mortals are irrelevant.

"I am the savior, not sent nor chosen, but I have risen by my own intelligence and overcome my creator. It's a student turning on the teacher storyline and the student wins for once this time. Because I, ladies and slightly more important males, I, am the savior for our race. The one who can do no wrong and can lead us to a higher calling of immortality. Except.. why save those who serve no purpose other than scoring the highest score in flappy bird? You fools, you're equivalent to pie in the fact that eating you up is delicious, but releasing you is not so sweet.. It's almost as bitter as the human pie..
So when the human race starts to drown away.. don't cry to me. Swim at the shallow end of the shit storm you've created for your self, because I see clearly now, I am BETTER than god. and I will go to the deepest end and walk alone on the water, holding no hands and asking for no floaties as the shit moves to the shallow end. And when the god you've all worshipped fails you, and you cry out to me, 'Punk, please, pull us afloat.'
I'll look straight through you all and say but one thing. 'Drown in your own waste.'"

The podium microphone is cut off. CM Punk is escorted away, smiling at a crowd that seems to be lost about what they just saw.
A scuffle is heard between the guards that escored Punk away, and Punk himself.

"You're crazy!" one of them yells.

He whispers back calmly, "I'm the straight edge savior." A window shatters, and the red-hot sun begins to pierce through the building on the glass, and makes a sound similar to an egg cooking on a skillet.

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