Now that we’re back from commercial break, all contenders for the North Korean Title stand in the center of the ring.

Battered and bruised. All exhausted. Having gone through Hell and back. But they stand in the center of the ring, eager to hear based on their performances in the physical challenges who will be called the first ever North Korean Champion.

North Korean War Criminal, microphone in hand, marches down the ramp, briefly inspecting the lights on the roof as he passes. The area, being entirely underground, needs to be very well lit, otherwise no audience member would see our glorious champion win.

And that would be a shame…

…

Anyway. NKWC reaches the ring. He claps. Two ring crew set up a small staircase painted in the colors of the North Korean flag. He steps up the stairs and through the ropes.

NKWC looks around at all applicants for his belt while sighing bitterly with disappointment. He looks across all Impact superstars, disinterestedly noting their existence.

He briefly stops at Gilmour. Smiles. Nods. And continues.

He finally brings the mike to his face.

“I’d like to thank you all for coming to Shove-It Underground and competing for the GLORIOUS TRUE XWF CHAMPIONSHIP! THE NORTH KOREAN CHAMPIONSHIP!”

The crowd pops. Impact superstars nod or smile. Gilmour sneers at the subtle trashing of his show. If the subtle trash talk doesn’t please him, NKWC can up that ante.

“I mean, unless you want to count that joke they’ve split in half so two thieves can hold both halves of the belt. The False XWF Championship! Held by Angelus and Flynn! Two fakes if there ever were fakes, on the most capitalistic corrupt show on television since Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood.”

A comment which started incredibly barbed suddenly ends in a ridiculous statement. Classic NKWC.

“Anyway, I’d like to thank you all for performing in a series of vigorous challenges to display your strengths and talents.”

“We as management would just like to clarify that none of what has occurred before this point will have any effect on who walks away North Korean Champion.”

Stunned.

Silence…

“It was however… Incredibly amusing to watch… So. Well done.”

NKWC golf claps politely. He looks around at the audience and expects everyone else to follow along. Boos are rained down on NKWC as the exhausted superstars seethe with loathing.

NKWC stops clapping and looks to the audience.

“From now on. All matches will end with superstars being ELIMINATED FROM CONTENTION FOR THE NORTH KOREAN CHAMPIONSHIP! AND WE WILL HAVE A CHAMPION!”

The crowd pops out of anticipation.

NKWC smiles and turns back towards his superstars.

“And if you thought the first series of challenges were inhuman and difficult…”

“… What’s the American phrase?”

“You haven’t seen NOTHING YET!!!!”

Another botched phrase. He orders the ring cleared. The superstars all step to the outside, still watching while out on the concrete. And the real show begins.

***
North Korean War Criminal Stands Center of the Ring. He eyes every superstar and considers who he’d like to test first. He finally nods to ring crew, who are beside the ring with a spotlight. It powers on with a rush of air and a light that blinds NKWC. He curses in his native tongue as the light heads toward the ceiling.

The superstars outside the ring all eye each other, ready to take on anyone…

“FIRST MATCH!” North Korean War Crimial begins, rubbing his eyes to alleviate his blindness.

“SARAH ST. JAMES!” The spotlight swings across to Sarah St. James. The fans let out a wave of boo's and negative chants as Sarah Saint James slowly lifts her hands above her head seductively swinging her hips. As her hands slowly drop running across her bare cleavage down to her hips She lifts one leg onto the edge of ring and runs her hands down it, the grabs the bottom rope and lifts herself one to the edge of the ring doing the splits, her thong teasing the male and female audience as she bounces up and down momentarily. She then ducks under the bottom rope pushing her body forward and onto her hands and knees as she slowly and sexually crawls to the center of the ring finally standing to her feet.

While the audience enjoys this spectacle, North Korean War Criminal is not amused. In fact, this display of Americanized female sexuality only seems to infuriate him…

He looks around to find a suitable opponent…

And smiles disgustingly…

“VERSUS…”

“…”

“URSULA AREANO!”

Ursula, instead of her usual entrance as St. James tried to emulate, feels a wave of dread come about her as she slides into the ring.

St. James echoes this sentiment yelling down at NKWC. They’re tag partners! They’re allies! They don’t want to fight.

Instead of noting their hesitation, NKWC walks across outside…

Reaches the bell…

DING!

Sarah St. James vs Ursula Areano

Areano turns around to face St. James. Then, immediately shakes her head. She doesn’t want to take on her friend…

St. James echoes this sentiment, refusing to leave her corner.

NKWC watches irritated for a moment before raising the microphone to his face.

“If this match doesn’t start in five minutes, our new opener is going to be PICTURE PERFECT VS THE ENTIRE SHOVE-IT ROSTER!”

The crowd throws as much hate at NKWC as they can. Certain superstars on the outside lick their lips for the opportunity…

Ursula hops onto the bottom rope and bends over it to scream, as if proximity made her cursing more intimidating.

Suddenly, St. James comes up behind her!

ROLL UP! The official drops!

1!

2!

THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESPECIALLY CLOSE CALL! St. James almost stole this one! Inches away from a three count!

Ursula rolls through the roll-up furious. St. James shrugs apologetically. One of them has to win. Otherwise, they both lose.

Ursula bites her lip and nods.

The two meet center of the ring.

St. James raises a hand, indicating a desire to lock up. Areano agrees with a collar-and-elbow tie-up. Areano has a slight height advantage, but her refusal to distribute her weight via XWF.com makes this a risky venture for St. James. Challenging her partner to a contest of strength is sportsmanlike but definitely uncertain.

St. James, using her natural agility, quickly spins the lock-up into a side head lock. Areano latches onto St. James’ arm and twists it behind her back! Areano swings her arms to St. James’ legs and takes her down with a standing switch. St. James struggles to her feet as Areano slides to her feet and the crowd cheers.

Little catch-as-can going on her! There is a lot of technical ability in the ring right here!

St. James gets up furious and Areano smiles! St. James smiles back and the two meet agai in the center… These two are, gender unconsidered, a couple of the most talented superstars in the XWF and they are putting their talents on display here tonight!

St. James goes for the side headlock again! Areano going for the same counter! Twisting it into a hammerlock! Sarah St. James SOMERSALTS HER ARM UNTWISTED AND KNOCKS DOWN AREANO! DROP TOE HOLD!

The crowd is laughing enjoying this technical display. Areano looks a tad frustrated and St. James smiles and shrugs.

NKWC is on the outside, not enjoying the lack of torture this match has inflicted on these two partners. The mike comes to his face again.

“If someone doesn’t win this match in a minute, I’m allowing the rest of these superstars into the ring!”

Both Areano and St. James turn serious as the outside looks tempted to get in there. A couple of decent folks like John Black and MacCalister move to try and prevent an unmitigated brutalization of these two women. But let’s face it, the numbers are not in favor of decency tonight.

Areano springs up and goes for a diving desperation clothesline while NKWC waves to production, who puts 53 seconds on the titantron!

St. James ducks it and goes for a northern lights suplex! IT CONNECTS! St. James keeps the pin!

1…

2…

THRE- NO! Areano raises herself off the ground, still latched onto St. James’ midsection! And twists it into a backslide!

1…

2…

THR- SO CLOSE! Kickout!

44… 43… 42…

St. James rolls through it and straddle pins St. James!

1...

2…
THR- Areano is not giving up a beat here! SHE POWERS UP AND CATCHES ST. JAMES WITH A RANA PIN! CAN SHE LATCH ST. JAMES DOWN!

1…

2…

THREE! YES! YES! Y-NO!

COME ON! St. James just barely manages to latch onto the bottom rope with a free hand! This exchange of pins was so desperately fast, the inexperienced Areano forgot where she was in the ring! A rookie mistake that might have cost her a huge victory!

32…31…30…

St. James gets off her feet! Areano doesn’t want to hurt her partner but she doesn’t want them both to get ambushed either! Areano goes for it!

BUENOS AIRES SUPERKICK! BUEN-

NO! Areano was too worried about her friend and hesitated a fraction of a second too long! St. James ducks under! SCHOOLBOY ON AREANO!
1…
2…

THRE-! AREANO ROLLS HER SHOULDER OFF THE MAT! NEITHER OF THESE TWO WANTS TO WALK AWAY LOSERS HERE!

Both lie exhausted on the mat! They’ve already been through a hard night with the meaningless battle royal… Now, the thing that will win this match is conditioning…

…If someone wins this match…

17…16…15

St. James kips up off the mat as Areano tumbles backwards to her feet!

Areano runs forward…

MONEY SHOT! MONEY SHOT BY ST. JAMES!

11…10…

St. James goes for the cover!

1…
2…

THRE- THERE IS NOT AN OUNCE OF QUIT IN URSULA AREANO! NOT A GODDAMNED DROP OF SURRENDER!

8… 7…

St. James goes for the crucifix pin! She latches Areano onto the mat by her shoulders! Areano kicks into the air desperately trying to escape!

1…

2…

THREE!

WITH TWO SECONDS LEFT! ST. JAMES PULLS OUT A HUGE VICTORY OVER HER TAG PARTNER!

WINNER: SARAH ST. JAMES!

St. James immediately springs off her partner and tries to help her to her feet. Areano is shaky to stand and angry that she lost such a close contest…

St. James sighs and reaches out to shake her hand…

Areano looks down at it for a moment… The crowd cheering for her to accept it.

And the two shake!

“Yes, yes. All very nice and sweet.” The crowd turns venomous to NKWC. Areano and St. James stand center of the ring.

“Miss Areano. Because you lost the match, you are eliminated from contention. Please leave my ring and head to the back.”

Areano wishes her friend good luck with a shoulder squeeze before slipping under the bottom rope and heading to the back. Her performance was one of her best since becoming an XWF superstar and the crowd rains down approval!

St. James claps for a moment with the crowd and starts for the outside.

“Ah ah ah! Miss St. James, one moment, if you please!”

It would not please St. James to spend one more second talking to NKWC, but she already beat her friend, she needs the belt to make this worth it. The crowd boos NKWC as he smiles.

“Miss St. James. The North Korean Championship is about Strength. Tenacity. Toughness. A desire to be the best above all else.”

“Why on earth would I give this championship to a woman?”

The crowd rains down hate for the blatant sexism in that ring. St. James is disgusted by this statement.

“While your little playdate with Areano was adorable, it’s time to actually begin with contests that will ACTUALLY CONCERN THE NORTH KOREAN CHAMPION. Due to your natural inferiority, you are eliminated from contention. Please leave my ring.”

St. James screams down at NKWC along with the rest of the crowd. NKWC waves as two security personnel move to escort St. James from the ring. She seethes a moment but doesn’t want more controversy to taint her first steps towards a cleaner slate. Her match with Areano was fantastic.

The crowd, who started out booing her, gives humble applause for her efforts as she walks up the ramp.

The spotlight turns back to NKWC. As does the crowd’s hatred.

“Now. Onto real matches!”

The spotlight spins around the ring as the remaining superstars eager to start it up!

“John Black!”

John Black rolls into the ring and poses for the crowd!

“Tyler Vegas!”

Vegas slides under the bottom rope and points angrily into the crowd.

“And Neil Capra!”

Neil shouts a couple of obscenities at the crowd before sliding under the bottom rope!

The three eagerly eye each other before NKWC begins agin.

“THESE PEOPLE ARE READY FOR SOME ENTERTAINMENT!”

The crowd screams thrilled for a good match between three promising competitors!

“…So would you mind bumbling around in the ring for a bit while I figure out how to have a good match with the rest of these dogs…” NKWC hovers the hammer above the bell!

The crowd boos his dismissive tone. But the excitement is still there! These people are ready for a good one! And these three can deliver it!

DING!

JOHN BLACK VS TYLER VEGAS VS NEIL CAPRA

John Black, Tyler Vegas and Neil Capra all stare each other down in the ring as this match begins with all three contenders itching to begin the fight.

John Black begins exchanging blows with both Tyler Vegas and Neil Capra as both wrestlers focus their blows solely on John Black.

John Black hits Neil Capra with a few blows to the face and chest which leads to a Vertical Suplex. This make the fight a bit more even as Neil Capra is now sprawled out on the mat.

Tyler Vegas and John Black lock up and soon are both exchanging an equal amount of hits on each other. Tyler Vegas breaks this cycle by hitting John Black with a High Knee, a DDT and followed it all up with a Sleeper Hold.

While Tyler Vegas is preoccupied with John Black, Neil Capra is fully recovered and on the move. He approaches behind Tyler Vegas who's stilled locked into the Sleeper Hold on John Black. Neil Capra beings kicking Tyler Vegas repeatedly thus breaking the Sleeper Hold on John Black.

John Black still less than conscious just flops to the mat. Tyler Vegas manages to get to his feet to receive a Hurricanrana from Neil Capra. From there Neil Capra hits Tyler Vegas with a Mind Breaker (Flip Piledriver) and then covers for the pin.

1


2


3

WINNER: NEIL CAPRA

The crowd pops for an good finish! Anyone could have taken that one, but Capra brought his A game tonight.

NKWC hops onto the apron with the mike.

“Mr.Vegas!”

Vegas still lies on the mat after a vicious flip piledriver…

“Mr. Vegas, you took the pin. This makes you officially the biggest loser in this match. Your very presence fills me with shame. You are eliminated from contention. Please leave my ring.”

NKWC steps onto Vegas’ side and rolls him out of the ring. Vegas lands feet first and walks to the back…

“Mr. Black!”

John Black, still shaky from that sleeper hold, rests on the ropes, struggling to stay up.

“Mr. Black. Napping on the job is not a suitable quality for a champion of North Korea. Nor is allowing someone else to take a victory from you.”

“Your failure to take this match, seeing as you are the most experienced wrestler on this roster, fills me with a deeply seeded revulsion in simply looking at you.”

“You are eliminated from contention. Please leave my ring.”

Mr. Black is pulled out of the ring by security, who guide him to the back. He receives a well-deserved pop.

Neil Capra smiles and shouts a couple obscenities to the crowd.

“Mr. Capra!”

Capra turns…

INTO A SUPERKICK! NKWC takes Capra’s head off…

The crowd hisses as NKWC stands over Capra.

“Mr. Capra.”

“I don’t like you.”

“You are eliminated from contention.”

“Please leave my ring.”

Security pulls a semi-conscious Capra out of the ring and leads him to the back.

NKWC exits the ring. And stands on the outside, surveying who’s left.

“No lights. Let’s just wrap this thing up.”

“Griffin MacAlister vs Mr. XWF!”

THE CROWD POPS! THESE TWO HAVE MET BEFORE AND IN STUNNING MATCHES! THIS WILL BE INCREDIBLE!

“And because no one wants to see something that’s already happened a million times…”

The crowd is disgusted. This match is already fantastic!

“Someone get Hickbilly an official’s shirt, because he’s your SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE!”

Our two competitors slide into the ring and stare each other down as Hickster tries to slip on an official’s outfit, handed to him by ring crew. He gets his head trapped in the sleeve for a moment, but he quickly has freed himself and hops into the ring!

GRIFFIN MACALISTER VS MR. XWF W/ SPECIAL REFEREE HICKSTER

Mr. XWF and Griffin MacAlister are already in the ring when this match begins. Jim Hickbilly stands inside the ring ready to do his duty as ref. While Mr. XWF appears to be showing signs of serious fatigue and exhaustion from all he's been through already tonight he somehow starts the match with vigor. Delivering a few chops to Griffin MacAlister right off the bat. Griffin MacAlister begins to return blows back to Mr. XWF. Soon the two are hitting each other blow for blow. Mr. XWF breaks this up by suddenly headbutting Griffin MacAlister in the face. Blood immediately starts to trickle from Griffin's nose and distracts him long enough for Mr. XWF to be able to hit Griffin MacAlister with a Spear. Griffin goes down and Mr. XWF covers for the count.

However Hickbilly is now nowhere to be found. The camera pans around and Hickbilly is discovered outside the ring...making out with his sister. He doesn't seem to notice or care what's happening. An angry fan throws a cup of beer at the two and they separate. Hickbilly smiling at the fan gives him a thumbs up. Hickbilly returns the ring and since Shove It Saturday is an unrated show we get to see Hickbilly has a boner. A boner he got from just tongue tangoing with his sister. Luckily no one can hear the poor camera man throw up in his mouth as he continues to film.

Hickbilly finally in the ring is a bit late for the count though and Griffin MacAlister kickouts from Mr. XWF's pin. Griffin MacAlister hops to his feet and the two go at it again matching each other blow for blow. Griffin MacAlister breaking this cycle by shoving Mr. XWF hard enough to send Mr. XWF flying towards the ropes. Once Mr. XWF hits the ropes he comes careening back towards Griffin MacAlister who hits him with a Dropkick to the head that sends Mr. XWF straight to the mat. Griffin MacAlister covers for the pin. Jim Hickbilly is so excited he starts frolicking as he does the count.


...1


...2


Unfortunately he gets too caught up in the frolicking and jigging that now instead of counting he's just doing that. He hops around with a big goofy grin as he claps his hands and even pulls out a klans hood that he places on Griffin's head. Annoyed Griffin MacAlister looks up at Hickbilly as if to say "Seriously!". Hickbilly too caught up in the moment keeps jigging and Mr. XWF kicks out.

Griffin MacAlister gets up and throws the hood at Jim Hickbilly as he walks straight towards him. As Griffin MacAlister has his attention focused on Jim Hickbilly, Mr. XWF charges from behind and gets Griffin MacAlister with the ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM! Griffin MacAlister is down because of a devastating ROCK BOTTOM from Mr. XWF. Mr. XWF then covers for the pin.

However Jim Hickbilly is still caught up in his jig. He even has started playing a bango, which is odd because there was no bango anywhere near the ring. He hadn't even paid attention when Griffin MacAlister threw the klan hood at him. Now as he continues to jig and play the bango, he actually trips over Mr. XWF pinning Griffin MacAlister breaking up the pin. Luckily this also finally stops the Hickbilly jigathon as he tumbles to the mat. Hickbilly climbs to his feet as Griffin MacAlister and Mr. XWF also do the same. Griffin MacAlister hits Mr. XWF with Uppercut followed with a Legsweep. Mr. XWF falls to the mat but recovers quickly and returns with Running Headbutt and a Shoulder Breaker. Mr. XWF begins kicking MacAlister in the head and chest while he is down. Griffin MacAlister grabs Mr. XWF by the foot and yanks him down to the mat. Mr. XWF reaches for the bango that's still laying in the ring. He grips it by the handle and uses it to crack over Griffin MacAlister's back as Griffin MacAlister attempted to rise to his feet. Griffin MacAlister falls flat down and neither wrestler moves for a second. Then slowly they both begin to rise to their feet.

Griffin MacAlister and Mr. XWF both seem worn out as the continue this battle. Mr. XWF hitting Griffin MacAlister with a few punches to the kidney. Griffin MacAlister blocking of the many rapid fire punches from Mr. XWF grabs Mr. XWF and tosses him across the ring. Mr. XWF lands across the ring and climbs to his feet in time to receive a spear from Griffin MacAlister. Mr. XWF goes down but Griffin isn't finished as he gets Mr. XWF back up to his feet and hits him with a Reality Check ( Matt Hardy's Twist Of Fate). Griffin MacAlister then covers for the pin and Hickster does a quick jig before making the count....



...1



...2



THREE!!!

WINNER: GRIFFIN MACCALISTER!

NKWC, with two security guards at both shoulders, eagerly awaits the roar of the crowd to die down.
“Mr. Hickbilly!”

Hickbilly stops his jig a moment and looks at this chinaman come to take his job.

“Mr. Hickbilly. No one likes a suck-up. Your officiating job was far too well done.”

Hickbilly was dancing half the match! Ridiculous!

“I don’t want a referee handling my belt, I want a wrestler. You disgust me with how honorable a man you are. You are eliminated from contention. Please leave my ring.”

Hickster tries to throw a right hand. But security catches him by the arm and drags him to the back.

“Mr. XWF!”

Mr. XWF lies center of the ring. Exhausted. This has been one rough night for Dr. X-Tremity.

“You lost. You are a loser. In your big return match, you failed to make any kind of splash.”

“The disappointment would make me vomit, if you had done anything interest enough to inspire movement in my innards.”

“You are eliminated from contention. Please leave my ring.”

Mr. XWF gets pulled out by ring crew.

He starts mumbling about rock bottoms, which makes the crew very cautious, but somehow before he wakes up, they get him to the back.

“Mr. MacAlister!”

MacAlister has already started leaving. Somehow he’s detected a pattern in the last few matches…

“Mr. MacAlister! Hold on a moment!”

MacAlister turns around and waits impatiently, standing at the bottom of the ramp.

“Mr. MacAalister, your tenacity is impressive. Your constant desire to improve yourself in beating a man that months ago was your equal shows your promise. You have proven yourself an incredible asset to our Saturday roster.”

MacAlister re-enters the ring to the crowd’s approval. MacCalister has almost definitely been the show’s MVP thus far!

He raises his arms and the crowd sings his praises…

“However…”

The crowd turns to boos.

“You touched Mr. XWF. A man Chairman has determined to be unclean. And while you may wash his germs from your body, in your current state, you are contaminated and thus unfit to be North Korean Champion.”

“You are eliminated from contention. Please leave my ring.”

MacAlister leaves without needing security. He saw it coming. But still you can see disappointment in his eyes as the crowd screams his name! Incredible night for Griffin MacCalister.

NKWC snaps and ring crew hands him a briefcase. Inside… What else… The North Korean Championship more likely than not…

But the only man left at ringside…

Is Peter Gilmour…

Oh no… Oh God no…

What will happen…

We’ll find out…

RIGHT AFTERTHIS COMMERCIAL BREAK!

SUCKERS!!!