Threaded Mode | Linear Mode

JimCaedus · (07-06-2021)

Freddy Fabulous stands in front of an old-school backdrop, a chain link fence with a sheet over it bearing the XWF's gorgeous blue logo, somewhere within the XWF Tower. He fluffs his mink stole on his shoulders and grins his unmistakable grin.

"Ladies and gentlemen, let the record reflect that the XWF has a wolf in sheep's clothing. We have recently been privy to one William Blankenship and his sordid antics. His foul mouth. His unrefined mannerisms. Quite frankly, he wouldn't be able to find the salad fork on a table spread unless someone else jammed it in his mouth for him. And sooner rather than later, that's exactly what's going to happen!"

"You see... Blankenship is banking on all of you to pretend he's brought in a pair of athletes. His racially insensitive tag team, the Can-J*p Connection, is not only offensive to anyone with more than a moribund sense of equity - it also demonstrates the dearth of intellectual honesty one would expect from those with a high level of moral turpitude. Because, friends, the Connection is in no way a top team. They are barely even athletes! Look at his men. Richard Goldhart is approximately five foot six and has the personality of a corpse. Monsuta-san is a walking health crisis with a BMI of over 100%. I recommend that Blankenship first of all rename his pair of unambiguously sedentary FANS to something more appropriate than a name more offensive than anything we've seen in the XWF to this day. I have already placed calls regarding this issue with Juni and Richard Wang, both of whom, I assume, will be returning my calls shortly to demonstrate how deeply, deeply offended they are over this team's name. My recommendations are as follows - rather than Can-J*p, they should be called the Torpid Torpedoes. The Antonyms of Athleticism. Obese and Deceased. Big n' Boring. Maybe instead of pursuing a wrestling career in a company which is already stacked with better talent such as the Big Upps, they could enter the dynamic world of before and after modeling for a weight loss clinic. Or they could produce a series of sleep aid audio recordings wherein Richard Goldhart is asked to speak for more than five minutes on literally any subject. The world is their oyster, but the XWF is not!"

"If you want to watch an excellent tag team, you need look no further than my own pair of stallions, the Disintigrators! Observe!"

At this point, Freddy steps to the left where a dressing room door is visible. He knocks, and after a long pause the X-Treme Champion Lycana answers, freshly showered, wearing nothing more than a towel to cover her naughty bits.

Lycana raises an eyebrow in confusion, and then the Disintigrators, Johnny 'Twisted' Steele and 'Dangerous' Dave Mustang rush onto the scene and begin to pummel her with hard overhead forearm shots until she is on the floor clinging to her terrycloth. Freddy Fabulous wheels over Steele's Harley, obviously struggling to move its weight, and gets it to where it is right next to Lycana.

"Gentlemen! TIMBERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

Freddy pushes the hog over and it lands on Lycana, pinning her down. Dave and Johnny each lean on top of the bike as Freddy looks around for an official.

"You there! Is this your first day!?"

The man nods, but rushes over. He drops to his knees and begins to count!

1!

2!

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode *A message to the XWF RE: Can-Jp Connection**
Author	Message