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#MemeQueen Luca Torchwick · (09-10-2017)

Now, I tried to be a nice guy. I tried to be a real company fella. When I saw this stupid Punjabi Prison-themed Shove It, I knew it was gonna be a financial sinkhole of epic proportions. I knew it'd be an empty arena special in the fuckin' flesh, in 2017: the year where shitty indy shows that draw crowds of less than 500 go viral. That ain't an indictment on the talent. There's a lot of quality guys and good prospects on the card. But because the whole thing was fucked from the word go. From the 2008 vintage MySpace "welcome to my twisted mind" thought process of a lumbering queer who looked at this as an opportunity to play with people like a

loser plays with dolls rather than put on a good event.

The kicker was, in spite of the talent, there was no transcendent talent, no big match that could get people's attention in spite of the awful gimmick. I mean, who was there to pair up?

Caedus? Bourbon? Both phenomenal talents (yeah that's right Robbie, I just gave your fat ass props - cherish it). Quality draws. Those two against each other would make one hell of a co-main event.

I'm sorry, but it's true. Caedus vs. Bourbon could main event any sanely booked, decently promoted, aiming-to-make-fucking-money show. But that ain't what this is about. I don't think they could hoist the show out of the massive pit it's already in. Not taking anything away from them, this is all on the back of Oswald Autism.

What, is he gonna put Jenny Myst in the main event just so she can underachieve harder than the time she lost a belt that was pretty much gift wrapped for her back when the level of talent in that division pretty much made the fucking Bombshell title a vanity belt? Yeah, okay.

He had Samuels, but that was always tentative. Samuels has dignity after all, and he wasn't gonna take a pity main event on a card that actively drove people out of the arena's immediate area.

That was, until Samuels had me. Arzegotti vs. Samuels was the main event this card didn't deserve. The one that would actually get eyes on the product. The one that might've actually made this show some fucking money.

Then Samuels retired. Nothing wrong with that, I respect his decision.

But that leaves one thing. I'm still ready. I could go right back to my desk but nah, I got the itch. I want to save this fucking show from itself. But now I need an opponent. Me vs. Caedus, or Bourbon, or anyfuckingbody has the oomph that them against themselves didn't have.

Fuck it, I'll carry Jenny Myst to another undeserved opportunity. Better yet, I'll take her boy toy and embarrass him like he was totally going embarrass literal enhancement talent Shaun Crowe until the tables got turned on that one.

That'll even let me crack out the ol' Alison Brie in predicaments gif gag.

Please, XWF. Let me save this show that doesn't deserve it. Let me do the right thing by this company and this business for once in my miserable life.

I would just call up the big Q and get that match going but that'd be too easy. I want to work for this for once.

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