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X-treme Wrestling Federation BOARDS » XWF PPV Boards » Relentless Day 3 RP Board 2020
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Relentless Media, Part V: Interlude, Revisited
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Lacklan Offline
Low Effort
TITLE - Universal Champion



XWF FanBase:
The 'cool' kliq fans

(booed by casual fans; opportunistic; often plays dirty while setting the trends)


Post: #1
09-15-2020 07:52 PM




Hi, everybody! This is YOUR Universal Champion again with a few more words to show! I know, I know...last year, I said I was gonna sort of stop doing these vlogs so often, that whole “moving on” ting, but I’m WAY more rested now than I was then. At THAT time, I was fighting with my sister, my friend Rox, was having some pretty public “discourse” with my Beloved, was jet lagged all the time (stupid tournament in Japan where I did NOT do well!) and a bunch of other things, like there was a rock in my shoe, the sun was in my eyes, so on and so forth. That’s not today, though! Now, that’s not to say that I’m NOT uber busy right now, or anything. Hell, you’ve all seen my face EVERYWHERE as we push towards Relentless at the end of the month! I went on Ellen, shockingly got to “Come on down!” for the Price is Right, and I have a TON of other stuff happening soon along the same vein. But today? SUPER quiet day. Just got to hang out with my Beloved, had a super small session with Dr. Reznik (you guys remember Dr. Reznik), and other such things.

But!

Ohhhhhhhh BUT!

In the middle of this nice and quiet day off, ol’ Chuckles decided to say another dumb thing. THREE things, to be exact, and I figured that busting out my passable iPhone for a vlog (mang, I miss my SWEET Windows Phone) would be appropriate. In fact, I-


DO YOU HAVE THE TIME

TO LISTEN TO ME WINE

ABOUT NOTHING AND EVERYTHING

AAAAAAT ONCE!

Dang, hold on. We were in a dead zone for most of the day...my psychiatrist has a strict “no phones” policy...so I just got a bunch of notifications. Gimme one sec here...hmm...James Raven can’t do math...there’s another DM to delete unread...seems like Rain is back on the boards...oh...okay, THIS one is funny...need to mention this here...check out this question I got over on the CoolTube forum:

OMG! YOU MADE ME MISS MY FAVORITE PISS-DRINKING SCENE FROM MY MOM’S SELF-MADE PORN COLLECTION BECAUSE OF MY SHOCK OVER YOU DIRECTLY RESPONDED TO CHARLIE! WHY DIDN’T YOU EVER RESPOND TO THE HOODED MAN THAT WAY, YOU LOSER QUEER WHORE CUNT DYKE

THANK YOU IN ADVANCE FOR ANSWERING MY QUESTION

-YOUR BIGGEST, MOST OBSESSIVE FAN

P.S. PLEASE LOVE ME

Wow! Okay! I’ve covered this before, but I might as well do it again...I responded to the Hooded Man, like, six times! But, apparently, SOME people only count stuff if it happens in a news report or rumor page! And speaking directly to a subject within the context of an officially endorsed XWF promotional video? Only LOSERS to that!

Lord, what a shitty take SOME of you have!

Here’s the facts, Baby Birds: When I had issues with Jacob Hargrave, I didn’t have a tweet-off with him. When I had issues with Vita Valenteen, I didn’t bombard her instagram page with insults. When I had issues with Fuzz, I didn’t go to TMZ or something equally salacious and have them post up some rumors. I did what we, as WRESTLERS who WRESTLE, are supposed to do:

I took care of things in the ring.

While I don’t think much of ol’ Chuckles, he deserves some back and forth, ya know? Because unlike the Dickless Wonder Hooded Man, he’s actually going to step into the ring with me and try to take my head off! And like some OTHER people, Hooded Man HAD his chance to put me in my place. He HAD his chance to actually put some skin in the game and DO something that MATTERS. Instead, all that moron has to his name is 27 comments that no one sees, Vita stealing what little credibility he had left (I made her pay for that, though!), and an entire roster who just shook their collective head in confusion and moved on.

Chuckles gets more than that, though. Because when it came time to put skin in the game, when it came time to DO SOMETHING, guess what? He did! While others remained tacit for fear of having their shirt be put in the dirt by yours truly, HE actually DID SOMETHING. And while he literally failed at that, too, he’s still found himself in the position of Challenger (because justjumptherightfulchallengerlolisn’tthatfunny!), and has been relentless, if I may threaten to overuse the phrase, in his own way.

tl;dl version: Charlie deserves the attention that Hooded Man (and others!) were too scared to grab

Which brings me to why THIS particular (and unnecessarily long!) vlog is hitting your devices:


“i SaW YouR LiTTLe BiT oN eLLen eaRLieR...i NoTiCeC You DiDN’T MeNTioN iT. i WoNDeR WHY.”

Sorry, it’s gonna take me a little while to get your voice right. Now, for those not paying full attention, the “it” Chuckles is referring to here is my supposed sex tapes and Pornhub profile! Before I talk about THAT little bit of idiocy, I just wanted to shed a little light on the “didn’t mention it”

Time stamps, buddy!

My appearance on Ellen’s Super Special Sunday Show was a full 26 HOURS before this “outing” of my sextivities!

Listen, if you’re gonna just say stupid shit that you made up, at least don’t double down on the idiotic details, okay? Of course, that brings us to the OTHER reason said sextivities would never be mentioned:

It’s all fake!

“OMG SARAH I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU SAID WHAT HE SAID DIDN’T HAPPEN YOU SUCK YOU FUCKING DYKE”

Good LORD, the vitrial! Listen, I GET the whole “hey, let’s make some fake graphics lol” bit, okay? You have NO IDEA how many times I’ve done that myself! Like, this one time, I set up a fake profile of my sister on ChristianMingle.com, right? Filled it with pics of her crepe-thick butt in leggings. And don’t EVEN get me started on how many text and DM conversations have “totally” occurred wherein my wife admits to her being gay! Hell, remember how Chuck told us how he’s got nothing to do with flaming tables after I cheekily included random garbage wrestling antics into his wrestling techniques? Check THIS out:



What the heck?! Is that Chris Chaos and Chuckles playing around with a flaming table?!

OMG THAT CAN’T BE FAKE BECAUSE I SEE IT!!!!

See how stupid that sounds?

Now, I would be remiss to deny the idea that there’s footage of the Mrs and I having relations. Trust me, there is a LOT of footage of various activities in our personal spank bank. Maybe, if you beg her enough, you can get Kenzi to tell you about how sarah1.mov convinced her to put a stop to the preposterous idea of us having an “open” relationship when we first started dating and demand exclusivity! But the thought that it would be out there? Out for the streamers to purchase off an onlyfans? Ha! Roxy has been trying for YEARS to monetize our brand of interractial relations, mang. I admit that I thought about it once for about a second...she made me think of the potential shoe money...but the answer was still no! So Chuckles can take his dumbass “OMG SAUCY SEX TAPE” bit, print out the transcripts, and refill the Greggo-brand toilet paper.

Yeah, callback to Mahalo!

Now, the SECOND dum dum thing he had to say was about Daddy...though probably not what you’d think! Chuckles brought up a certain terrible thing which occurred a LONG time ago in a federation FAR away in hopes that I would be shook, as we kiddos say, by his knowledge of the sins of my father. Now, SOME of you are just WAITING and SLATHERING over the idea that I’m going to say, as I do in response to the pornhub bit, NUH UH! DIDN’T HAPPEN!

Nothing could be farther from the truth.

Once upon a time, there was this company called New Era Wrestling. No, not THAT NEW you’re thinking of. And no, not THAT one, either. There were a LOT of companies who used that name! THIS one stopped promotion shows well over a decade ago, when I was a wee lass, and I don’t have a whole lot of memories from them. After all, how much do YOU remember from when you were five? I DO have a few, though. Hell, I still have my Creature Wrestling Buddy! He’s WAY better than that overpriced Mastermind one we have in the X-Bux shop...even if his boots are always untied...and I still hear from “Auntie” Stevie now and again. But if you look back at some of the various bits and bobs you can find online, you might well see what Chuckles is referring to. It totally happened...though Daddy wasn’t actually in the ring or anything when it happened...but whatev. The REAL question and oddity here though is…

Dude…

If you were going to bring up some dastardly thing my father did for whatever reason...THAT is what you went with? Some flunky tag team...I don’t even know their names...in a gross game of one-upmanship with ANOTHER team I was too young to know? That’s...that’s just lame, dude. Seriously legitimate, if you were going to try to rattle me by naming off some of the sins of my father, you could have done MUCH better than THAT. For instance...and these are just off the top of my head…

Breaking Stevie Swing’s Neck!

Forcing Ariana Kenseth to marry him...while her boyfriend watched!

Hanging people to the Jew’s Cross!

Slamming crown of thorns into people’s heads!

Beating up a schoolteacher in front of his class!

Spitting Purple Mist into the eyes of a stripper because she gave a lap dance to his opponent!

Burning down a mental hospital for his future wife!

Strapping a black man in the ring while his latest minions held him down...like a slave!

AND SO MUCH MORE!

Listen, I do NOT need YOU to tell ME about how evil my father became across the years. I know. I LIVED IT. That spoon of plenty you like to remind people I grew up with...though, again, diamond-encrusted platinum, thank you so much...was used to feed me hate. Hate and loathing and a refusal to see the goodness in others. But, guess what? I’m not responsible for the sins of my father. I’m not responsible for the things he did before I was born, when I was a child, when I was his valet, NONE OF IT.

But you know what I AM responsible for?

Saving him.

Unlike you, my father didn’t just love his daughter...his daughter loved him. Mind you, that’s probably because he DIDN’T throw me out of a window...but still...you get the picture. As I grew older, and as I learned that not everything in the Path of the Light Church was perfect (don’t EVEN get me started on his views of homosexuality!), I knew that I had to CHANGE him. I had to SAVE him. I had to bring his actions in line with his words. He wasn’t supposed to just be the VOICE of God, but ALSO his hammer. And it took a lot of work...including showing him the beauty and righteousness of the true love between who would later become the Grey-Lacklans...but his death bed was filled with serenity.

Which is something else you need to realize, Chuckles:

You aren’t facing Jean-Paul Lacklan. You aren’t facing a man three years in the grave. You aren’t facing 6’1”, 285 lbs of muscle-fueled elbows, slams, and the Final Rite reverse brainbuster. You’re facing ME. You’re facing someone with the SMARTS of the Savior of Professional Wrestling, trained by the Hall of Famer Nikita Dolore who took uncoordinated oafs like you to school in every company she worked for. You’re facing someone who KNOWS her limitations, KNOWS that she’s lacking in strength and size compared to you, KNOWS that her tactics for this match don’t include frontal assaults.

You want to strip everything away?

Look at ourselves at our cores?

Let’s do that.

Hello! My name Sarah Selena Grey-Lacklan. I am a three-time World Champion.

And you?

You’re Charlie Nickles. Someone who has spent twenty years toiling away to finally get the chance to lose to me at Relentless.

Keep trying, Chuckles.

I’ll pull the football away every time.

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