"Hey!"

So here's a riddle for you kids playing at home.

Four men are in a Denver County jail.

Two of them were being held there after undercover drug sting.

Another is a fat Colorado state deputy.

And resting on the Colorado state deputy's desk is a suitcase full of 110 pounds of 100% pure uncut Colombian cocaine. However also on the desk is 110 pounds of $1 dollar bills that equal out to their bail money required to leave the jail.

That was placed there by the man masquerading as the original two imprisoned men's lawyer, man #4.

The impostor currently dry heaving in the cell they just left from after man #2 almost choked him to death a la Latrell Sprewell.

The two men leave their cell, the deputy notices.

As he's about to open the red briefcase.

"What happened to that lawyer fella what came in here for you two?"

Answers?

Because after the night men #1 and #2 have had.

I'd say all parties involved are fucked.

"...Hello? Are y’all two deaf?"

Theo checks Luca with a glance.

Luca isn't moving, testing the age-old 'Fat Cops are Like Tyrannosaurus Rexes from Jurassic Park in that their eyes are only attracted to motion.' theory.

Theo turns around.

"He-"

"DO NOT SAY A WORD TO THIS PHILISTINE WITHOUT YOUR ATTORNEY PRESENT!"

All three heads turn to the tattered suit, broken glasses and half-present tie worn by Mark Flynn, who is charging down the hallway after his clients.

”What?"

Flynn makes it to the desk, slamming his hand on the red briefcase, which scares the deputy's hand off the latch.

"Now you listen here and hear this, you sanctimonious ham. If you try to talk to my clients without their attorney, you will be hearing from my attorney."

"And I'll demand the right to defend myself in court so you'll be hearing from me."

"My attorney."

The deputy... Tries his hardest to untie that logic puzzle.

"So... Wait... You have an attorney?"

"Irrelevant. And circumstantial."

"... How is it circum... Are you bleeding out your mo-"

"You are badgering me, sir. And we will not stand for it. You made my clients stay in a $50,000 a night hotel and you didn’t even have the goddamned human decency to leave a mint on their pillow!"

He turns and snaps to his two compatriots. He is in fact bleeding from his mouth after receiving an elbow to throat and has clear bruises running down his neck. He mutters under his breath to Theo and Luca.

"We should leave.” He then turns back to the deputy, “AS SURE AS MY NAME IS CHRIS CLINTON."

He then looks straight in Theo’s eyes…

“CHRIS.”

Then, Luca’s.

“CLINTON.”

Theo rolls his eyes.

“Subtle hint, Chris.”

Flynn turns back to Theo.

“Who?”

"…"

Silence. Flynn squints…trying to understand.

…

Then, Flynn snaps. His hand becomes a finger gun, pointing at Theo’s head.

“Me. That’s who. Chris K. Clinton. World’s greatest attorney.”

Flynn wags his finger toward the door as he passes ‘his clients.’

“Come on, boys. I’ve been kicked out of nicer jails than this.”

Both allow a smile to cross their faces.

Theo rushes past Flynn and presses his right hand against the door.

"Let me get that door for you, Chris."

Flynn bows politely.

“Thank you, Theo.”

Opening…

The fresh, cold night air of Denver… The streets lined with a thin layer of ice… Sn-…

“SIR!”

…

“Er… Mister Clinton.”

Oh.

Theo could almost planting a right foot outside…

Cool, refreshing freedom…

He looks back at Luca…

Still stuck in the room…

He’s…

So…

“You forgot your briefcase… Well… Uh…”

Close…

“Sir?”

“Of course, my fine fellow.”

Flynn takes the door from Theo and slams it in front of the both of them.

The cold grey wall misses Theo’s nose by less than an inch.

And once again, Luca and Theo are staring at a solid, metal door.

Flynn presses through their shoulders again, once more wagging his finger… This time in the opposite direction.

Flynn rushes to the front.

“All right… I…”

Flynn looks back to his left. Theo is at his side, begrudgingly.

Flynn looks back to the right. Luca…

…

Luca is still standing in place, looking at the exit door.

Flynn briefly glances at him.

Then, turns back to the deputy, smiling.

“Luca, would you mind opening my briefcase for me?”

Luca doesn’t bother changing the direction of his gaze.

“Do it yourself, you sack of shit.”

The deputy squints at Luca, then turns to Flynn.

“What he say?”

Theo inhales quickly, preparing an answer.

”He said, w-"

“He said, I should do it myself.”

Flynn forlornly nods his head.

“Y’know, what? You’re right, Luca. They’re my briefcases. I came here with them.”

Flynn turns to Theo.

“It’s my responsibility.”

Theo tries his best to smile as he nods at Flynn.

Flynn smiles back as then he looks at this Gordian knot.

Theo’s eyes follow his to the briefcase.

He clicks his tongue against his teeth. Looking from one to the other.

“I’ve got it.”

His hands land on both red and green cases.

“Lemme just open both at the same time...“

Click. Both latches are undone.

“And th-“

An arm slamming against the Deputy’s table.

Another over the top of both suitcases.

Luca Arzegotti.

“Allow me, Chris.”

Luca’s eyes, using the most poeticly accurate terminology, sad he was Fucking done with this shit.

The deputy feels the tension in the room.

“Wow, that was a quick dash, I’ll tell you what. Boy, you one of them Kenyans? Ha!”

Flynn and Luca are too busy maintaining eye contact, challenging each other over possession of the suitcases.

And Theo is incapable of reacting organically to the joke because he is currently having his entire life flash before his eyes.

Instead, almost sub-consciously, he lets out a gasping sigh.

The deputy, fortunately takes it as a snicker and grins.

Then he returns his gaze to the duo in front of him, where his eyes return to a confused squint.

Luca doesn’t budge off the cases.

Flynn grins and steps back next to Theo.

“Be my guest.”

Luca stares at Flynn a moment longer. Then turns down to face the cases.

Red on the left. Green on the right.

Both unlocked.

Too late to re-lock them.

Can’t even take both off the table now without risking the deputy getting a glimpse of their contents…

Red on the left. Green on the right.

Luca looks back at Theo.

As if he had some new information to provide.

Theo… maybe out of surrender… maybe out of the illogicality of the situation.

Or… maybe… Just maybe… Out of knowing the best way he could help Luca was just pointing him towards one versus the other.

Makes eyes at the green suitcase.

Luca follows his gaze.

And nods.

Red on the left. Green on the right.

Luca’s left hand drops off the table to his side.

The deputy’s eyes follow Luca’s right hand, which clinches the top of the green suitcase.

A sigh.

Luca pu-

A loud snap breaks the silence.

Flynn’s eyes lock.

“It’s the red one.”

Theo can’t breathe.

Luca doesn’t flinch…

As his hand stays closed on the green suitcase…

Just a twitch of the muscle pressing it open…

There’s no theatrics in Flynn’s voice, no cartoonish mannerisms.

“Just remembered.”

“It’s for sure the red one.”

Luca sighs. His hand shifts over to the red suitcase. And he looks up at Flynn. Patiently.

Like a tired clown. Waiting for the inevitable pie in the face.

Waiting for the stupid double-backing, the immediately negating statements that switch between telling him to open the green one versus the red one.

“Red suitcase.”

Luca stares into Flynn’s eyes.

Looking for deceit.

Flynn… smiles…

He doesn’t grin.

Nor sneer.

Nor cackle, chortle, mock.

There’s a sincerity…

A… kindness in his eyes… that coming from anyone else would seem friendly and human…

Luca…

Sighs.

The deputy looks eagerly at the red suitcase, having eyeballed it for almost twenty minutes without peering inside…

His hand crosses over to the left side…

He checks Flynn’s face once more.

“As sure as I am that I know the first thing we’re going to do when we get out of here.”

“Red suitcase.”

Luca… nods. The same way he nodded at Theo just a moment ago. Trusting.

His left hand comes over the table. As both hands come to rest on the suitcase.

Theo supportively grabs Flynn’s shoulder and squeezes.

Flynn… Then pauses…

“Oh… wait…”

Luca lifts the case’s top…

“WAIT!”

Luca loses his grip…

Fumbling, swatting on the case…

And the whole thing clatters to the ground…

The deputy shoots around the corner of the table to see…

…

An empty red suitcase…

…

…

“…So.”

“Is the bail money in your other suitcase then?”
***
Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

Theo is sitting on the curb, next to the car Flynn brought to bail them out of jail.

Which is a 2011 Toyota Prius.

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

It was. The bail money Flynn brought was in the green suitcase.

Theo is enjoying a cigarette likes he’s seeing sunshine for the first time in a decade.

He enjoys a deep breath of that cold fresh Colorado breeze. The unique taste of the thinner air of the mile high city.

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

Theo sighs. His left hand stays grasping his still burning cigarette as his right hand pushes off the ground as he finds his way back to his feet.

He then goes to the other side of the Prius, the side invisible to those within the deputy’s office, farther from the jail.

Where Luca Arzegotti is pummeling Mark Flynn in the face with his right hand.

Sitting on top of his chest, his arms confined to his sides by Luca’s knees as Luca keeps his grip on Flynn’s collar with his left hand…

And delivers haymaker after haymaker after haymaker with his right hand…

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

Thu-

Theo grabs Luca’s hand as he presses the cigarette to his lips.

In.

He pushes smoke back toward the entrance ramp of the jail cell.

“We need him alive for when Wednesday rolls around.”

Luca yanks his arm out of Theo’s grip… Disgusted.

But, then gets off of Flynn.

“Fuck Denver. Let’s get out of here.”

Theo… hesitates.

“Uh… Gimme a second.”

Luca disinterestedly walks to the curbside Theo was just sitting on. And stews. Letting the rage built within him over the last thirty minutes cycle endlessly.

Theo takes a seat by the car next to Flynn. Popping the half of a cigarette back into his mouth.

Flynn’s eyes fluttering. His forehead busted open. Possibly weaving between wake and unconscious.

His cheeks swollen, purple. His jaw tight, but not broken. Luca admittedly was not trying to kill Flynn. Probably because as angry as Luca was, he was also smart enough not to set himself up to be outnumbered on Warfare.

Were he trying to kill Flynn, he probably would have targeted his orbital bone, an inch higher than the natural cushion provided by the side of the face.

Theo… kneels down… and smacks Flynn about the side of his presumably aching face.

“You awake, Chris?”

Flynn groans, rubbing his skull.

He stays lying on the ground, his feet helplessly shifting position from straight to bent at the knee, alternating, as pain shot through his body.

He looks at Theo his right eye, the one that’s not swollen shut.

“If Luca… didn’t agree with my idea… to go to IHOP to celebrate…”

Flynn spits out a mouthful of blood and grins crimson.

“He…he could have… just said so.”

Theo… doesn’t smile.


“Flynn, I feel like you did this because of something I said. Or did. Or implied with my actions.”

“And if that’s the case...well then I don't know what to tell you.”

Theo gets right up in Flynn’s face.


“But if you pull this shit again. Instead of resolving an issue you have with me in a civil manner?”

“I’ll end you.”

“Understand…?”

Flynn groans again..


“Good. Now, w-“


“You said…”

Flynn struggles, to get his back off the ground. He gingerly… presses his right hand against the ground… And looks up at Theo…

“On the phone. You said… You trusted me… That I was the man for the job…”

“…Yes, I did.”

Flynn nods. Then looks down. As if only feigning understanding in the situation.

“I’ve had partners before, I’ve been in stables with a clear leader. I’ve had friendly rivalries or whatever insipid ‘honor hatred’ Neonero then Angelus had for me.”

“I’m trying to say I’ve basically sampled the whole spectrum.”

“And every time, for reasons that never make any sense to me.”

“I end up assaulted in the center of a wrestling ring by those exact same people.”

Flynn spits out another mouthful of red… staining the concrete.

He looks at the red trail from his mouth to the parking lot.

“Bleeding out of my mouth.”

“Usually after having been put through three tables.”

“Or a series of light tubes.”

“And this one time I had the head of my dick bit off by a clown woman.”

“And this oth-“

“Do you have a point, Flynn?”

…

“It’s not that I’m not empathetic. But, is this going somewhere?”

Flynn shrugs.

“I guess I just wanted to deserve it this time…”

Flynn stays quiet.

The sun starts coming in over the horizon. 4 AM. In the distance, the deep purple Rocky mountains, snowy white peaks connecting earth to sky.

Flynn pulls himself shakily to his feet. Then rests back on his car, looking Theo in the eye.

“Look. You called me because Luca… told you to call me for whatever reason.”

“You picked me as one of your partners.”

“Fine.”

“And just so you know.”

“What just happened. The whole ‘getting irritated because of your word choice and making it seem like I’m punishing you with overreaction and excessive amounts of illegal stimulants when in actuality it was all a game’… game.”

“Isn’t part of the package deal when you pick me as a partner.”

“This isn’t going to happen again.”

“You ever need old Mark ‘Fucking’ Flynn to break you out of jail or help you move or a drinking buddy or someone to watch your illegitimate hellspawn.”

Flynn shrugs.

“I’m your guy.”

“That’s the basic package. You’re already signed up for it. No requirements. No strings attached.”

“But.”

“If at any point, you feel the temptation to turn against me.”

“To look over at greener pastures and figure cutting me loose will get you there.”

“And if you ever.”

“EVER.”

“Get between ME… and HER...”

Theo squints confused at this reference of her, but before he can ask, Flynn continues…

“I’m not going to beat you in the center of a wrestling ring.”

“I’m not going to spend a week crafting trash talk disassembling who you are as a human being.”

“And I’m not going to put together a series of animal metaphors about devouring you like predator to prey.”

“I won’t…”

Flynn weakly raises his hands.

And delivers a pair of finger quotes.

“end you.”

“I’m just going to kill you.”

Flynn pats Theo on the shoulder.

“Clear?”

Theo… looks in the corners of his eyes for a way to respond to any of the shit Flynn just said.

“I-“

“Good, all’s forgiven.”

Before Theo can correct him, Flynn stumbles to his trunk and starts shoving his key into turn the lock.

“And speaking of all things being forgiven…”

Theo sighs as he signals back to Luca.

“I think we’re about to head out.”

Luca gets up off the curb as Flynn forces the trunk-door halfway up.

Flynn bites his lip as he reaches under the lever and opens the trunk...

Luca stands next to Theo…

And a golden glow overtakes all three of them.

Both Luca and Theo quietly nod, as Flynn clings to the lever and glances.

"Now, may I perchance offer the both of you..."

Flynn hammers on the back fender of the car.

"110 pounds...

of pure Colombian cocaine."