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John Austin · (01-01-2014)

11:51PM, DECEMBER 31st, 2013

Hey Muchacho’s, I got lost on my way to the airport today. It probably wouldn’t have happened if I wouldn’t have had to walk. I went to this place called ‘Kinko’s because some cara de pinga from the XWF wanted me to fax a copy of my birth certificate to prove that I’m a resident. Hey, whatever, mane. I’m used to it.

That wasn’t the problem anyway, mane. The problem was, I had to call a taxi to get to the airport. They gave me this big hassle when I called to begin with because I didn’t have a credit card to prepay for the cab to come in the first place. Finally, they agree to send somebody over. When the guy gets there, he pulls over at the curb. I start to walk to him, and I see the look in his eyes, mane. Like somebody just ripped his pants down and introduced his culo (ass) to el consolador más grande (the biggest dildo) he ever seen in his life, mane. He turned his head just like he didn’t see me and he took off into the sunset, mane. He just drove away. Why? Because I’m six foot seven inches tall? Nah. I don’t think so. Because he didn’t see me? No, that wasn’t it, chico. That gringo drove off because I had dark skin and looked like I just got off the banana boat, mane. That’s why. But that racism, it don’t hurt me, Muchacho’s. That doesn’t bother me at all. What bothered me was the fact that I had to walk from fifteen block in BROOKLYN to get to the closest car rental service, and when I did get there, they was out of cars, mane. APPARENTLY, it’s the holiday season. So, instead of callin’ for another cab and wasting more time, I took a long jog down to the bus stop and took a bus to the airport. Wouldn’t you know it, though? The airport was the last stop on the route.

So, here I am. Just got on my flight to Chi-town at about Midnight. Headed down there to meet some big wigs at the XWF Offices tomorrow. I’m tired from this long day, but, I’m excited, mane. New chapter in the life and times of the Miami Madman. I talked to this dude, Shane

yesterday. He said “Come on down”. So, I guess I’m gonna’ be a contestant on the price is right. I’ll give it a try. What do I got to lose. My days at that OTHER place I worked at before are over. So, let’s get this show back on the road. It don’t matter WHERE I’m at, I’m still gonna’ be the best. Whether I’m the best at the XWF or… that other place… the end result is the same. I get paid. I get the women. I get to be the champion. And yeah, by the way, you better BELIEVE I’m gonna’ be the champion again no matter where I go.

I’ve been watchin’ some videos of this XWF on youtube and all that. Yeah, I guess I’m impressed. They got some serious business goin’ on, mane. They got three TV shows a week and house shows. They got like fifty different belts and a crown or some shit. They got a big roster for me to mow through. I shouldn’t get bored too quick. Looks like Manny Mendez is back. Whoever said there’s no place like home was on some bullshit, mane. Cuz guess what. You can always make a new home. That’s what I’m gonna’ do.

Manny Mendez, welcome home. To the XWF.

1:00PM, JANUARY 1ST, 2014

I walked into the XWF Offices this morning somewhere around Eleven. I would have been there sooner, but I didn’t feel like it. I slept in and didn’t wake up ‘til this sexy ass maid barged in like she owned the place. She’s lucky I didn’t sleep naked like I usually do. She woulda’ got a eye full, mane. Or a mouth full. Maybe I will tomorrow. Shit, anyway, I walk in there and talk to this security dude. He don’t wanna’ let me in. Something about I didn’t have a access card or somethin’ like that. So, I told him who I was and he called it up on his cute little rent-a-cop walkie-talkie. I sat there for like ten minutes waiting for him to get word and this guy came down in the elevator and walked me back to an office. I talked to Shane

face to face. He said he saw my tapes and liked my work and would like for me to work for the XWF. He low-balled me with a ridiculous one year offer. I told him it was bullshit. I asked him why, if he liked my work so much, would he only want to sign me to a one year deal. He said that it was a guaranteed one year deal and if I turned out to be reliable and unproblematic, we could renegotiate early and extend it. I asked him why he would think I might be unreliable and problematic. He said, it wasn’t about that. Said, it was some sort of precautionary measure they do with all new employees. Like a probationary thing. I told him that I had BEEN on probation before and I didn’t like it the first time. I also told him that if I weren’t Cuban and Mexican he’d have offered me three years and twice the figures he had written on his little sticky pad. But, long story short, three hours later, we came to an agreement. I’m now a member of the XWF Roster. In fact, I got an appointment with a tailor to be fitted for my new tights tomorrow morning. I guess I got me a little match on Wednesday Warfare against "El Gurú Del Partido" Nicholas Martinaz and Ezekiel Carter-Williams V.

What do you know? They threw the only two Hispanics in a match against each other. Just throw the trash in one big pile and hope it cleans itself up. Right? Let us kill each other so they don’t gotta’ get their hands all greasy. Nah. It is what it is, mane. Manny Mendez is gonna’ do what he always does. He gonna’ show everybody watchin’ why he deserves to be in the Main Event. I knew I wouldn’t be wrestlin’ for no titles on my first show. But, my plan is to be carryin’ some gold this time in a few months. Manny Mendez ain’t no dishwasher. I’ll tell you that right now. I don’t clean the tables in this establishment. Oh no no no. Manny Mendez is the emcee of this here party. He’s the top sirloin and the soup of the day, on the menu every day! He’s sits at the VIP Table and anywhere the f-ck else he WANTS to sit. But, not yet, I guess. Only in time. Only after I’ve shown the world what real talent looks like. Even Tony Montana didn’t start out on top, mane. He had to start at the bottom and shank a few communists before he made some rank and started getting the treatment he deserved.

So, I guess that’s what I’m gonna’ have to do. I’m gonna’ have to shank some communists. I’m gonna’ have to fight my way to the top. I ain’t gonna’ be handed nothin’, mane. I guess it could be worse. I could be workin’ the bottom of the card at a house show or somethin’. I could be settin’ up the ring or carryin’ some gringo’s bag for him. I’m actually surprised I’m not. I mean, look at the Main Event. They got a guy named NAZI wrestling for the Tag Team Championships! NAZI! Wow, mane.

Now, what do I think about the XWF after my initial assessment? After watching videos. After meeting the staff. After signing my contract and officially becoming part of the roster? This is what I think. I think this is going to be too easy. This talent pool is limited. I can't wait to walk into that locker room and look every last one of those losers right in the eye and say, "Look at this. Look at this, chico. You lookin' at the next KING of the XWF. You lookin' at the next XWF United States Champion. And guess what, pendejo, you lookin' at a future Hall of Famer."

That’s all I gonna' say today, Muchacho’s. I’ll do another blog soon. But, until then, “No dejes que te sostenga hacia abajo. Lucha hasta el final y luchar un poco más.”

The preceding message has been written personally by The Miami Madman Manny Mendez (aka M4) to his many fans around the world. Find out more about Manny Mendez at the XWF Official Website or by watching Wednesday Warfare, Wednesday Nights. Check your local listings for time and channel.

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