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Dirty Willy · (08-20-2018)

My father once told me that in order to be considered equal to the male population, I was going to have to go above and beyond my limitations as a woman. My father was a single parent. And as most parents would, he did his best to play both roles. When I cried, he wiped away the tears and offered the advice a mother would offer, or at least tried to. When it came to standing on my own two feet, he played the fatherly role. It wasn't easy on either of us, but honestly, I wouldn't change it for the world.

It wasn't that I had to go above and beyond as much as I had to prove my equality consistently. I watched as everyone around me, mostly the males took breaks, bullshit with one another, and so forth. I, on the other hand, continued to work through my breaks. Was it required? No, but it damn sure gave them a taste of what kind or woman I truly was. It left no doubt that what I wanted in life was to be treated as an equal. I say this not with hatred, or resentment. Rather, with a confident smile.

It isn't always male vs female. Sometimes it isn't a gender based argument at all. I use this moment in my life as it serves a larger purpose for us all.

In my case it wasn't David versus Goliath. Instead, it was Adam versus Eve.

This time, however, Adam bit off more than he could chew..

As I stood in the middle of the ring I started to feel reality set in. Here I am, a 5’10 130 lb woman about to go toe to toe with a 6 foot, 200 lb bodybuilder. It was like standing next to a real life version of Heman. Marcus wasn't the real issue this day, however. Unfortunately, that very morning my father took his final breath and departed our world. I was able to keep my emotions under control most of the afternoon. It wasn't until it was time to leave for the arena that I truly lost my composure. Let it be known that when I say “arena” I mean the local high school gymnasium in small town Athens, Ohio. My former high school, nonetheless.

So as I said, I was unable control my emotions while alone in the car. A combination of the loss of my father mixed with the fear of inadequacy brought down the structure in which I hid my true feelings. So much so that I was forced to pull off on a side street in our small town to wipe the tears and mascara away from my eyes and face.

It hadn't truly set in that he was gone. Granted, it had been less than 12 hours, but I had been preparing myself emotionally as I had seen the writing on the wall weeks prior. Though, as a very close friend once said: “No matter how hard you try or how prepared you think you are, you're wrong.”

I never knew how right he was until that moment on that side street in town. As I mentioned earlier, my father was my biggest supporter and motivator. He pushed me to do things I never believed I could and helped to pull me to my feet when life knocked them out from under me. This wasn't supposed to happen like this. In my mind, even through his continued health deterioration, we still had years. Time never ceases to amaze me in the sense that years are quickly turned to months, and in a flash, minutes.

After a few minutes I was able to regulate my breathing and slow the flood of tears that saturated the front side of my hoodie. As I wiped away the final tear, a moment of clarity fell upon me. It was a moment I'll never forget. And in that moment, I realized that though he may not be with me physically, his lessons will live on within my mind and through my actions.

I lowered my head and clutched the necklace he gave me, taking a deep relieving breath in the process. It was time, I thought to myself. As my father once said “Times change, and so must I.”

With that I held my head up high, smiled, and began my journey once more.

If I'm to be honest, the company in which I found my start was barely a company at all. Rarely were we paid adequately. Actually, it was rare we were paid at all. Admittedly, that wasn't the worst part of the experience. Most of us actually had no qualms with the lack of financial reimbursement for our hard work. In fact, it more or less pushed us to become more than we'd ever imagined. Physically, mentally, all around we improved upon ourselves both individually and as a unit. Albeit, our roster wasn't large. It was comprised of roughly 10-15 competitors who wanted nothing more than to succeed in this business. Unfortunately, not all of us were able to achieve our goals. Out of the 10-15 of us, as it stands, I was the only person able to truly ascend to the next level of competition.

So far, at least..

I arrived at the gymnasium roughly two hours before the show was slated to begin. The moment I stepped out of the car, my heart began to race. Was it adrenaline, fear, or grief? To this day I'm still unsure. The only thing I can say for certain, is that whatever it was, it worked to my advantage.

One might say that it was a combination of all three. Considering my father always walked me to the locker room and gave me some sort of “advice" before my matches, that would be the most plausible reasoning. I use the term “advice" lightly because what it really ended up being was cliche, cheesy, 80s sounding motivational speeches.

“When life gives you lemons..
Your ass better find a use for em.
You know we ain't got the kinda money for you to be wasting lemons!”

...Thanks dad…

.. YOU'RE THE BEST!

I'd say with the most sarcastic, improvised, asinine, squeal I could muster. He loved to make people laugh, and to just be that warm light that would illuminate the darkness. Of course, every so often his words would find a home in my heart. Forever I'll remember the best advice I had ever been given. Not from just him, mind you, but in general. I'd been having a rough week. Between work, bills, training every night, and just life as a whole, I was ready to buckle. As I walked through the door, I could see him sitting in the corner in his recliner. I assume the look on my face told him all he needed to know. Before I could even explain or begin talking he looked up at me and smiled.

Dad: Let me guess, you want to borrow some money?

He said with a laugh and a shit eating grin.

Skyler: No. That's not the only reason I come over, you know. I'm just bored and wanted to come by.

He laughed and shook his head.

Dad: Do you make a habit of lying to your father?

I rolled my eyes and sat down on the couch beside of him.

Skyler: No, not at all. But yeah, I need some gas money.

Dad: I figured as much.

That same shit eating grin unflinching as he rose up slightly to access his wallet. He proceeded to hand me a $20 dollar bill, even though he knew it was more than I'd need.

Dad: Here. You'd better stretch it, I'm tapped out.

Which was actually dad speak for “You'd better not ask again until tomorrow.” Which of course, I didn't.

Okay, I totally did. But by now he was more than prepared for it!

I accepted the money and tucked it away in my purse. I can only assume that the money wasn't able to cure my body language as I had intended.

Dad: So what's really wrong, seeing as you've been trying to act tough since you walked in.

He was right. I was doing my best to hold it together so that he wasn't burdened by my failures. Though, like they say, parents always seem to know. So I took a deep breath and exhaled, giving him time to prepare for the overly emotional onslaught he had brought upon himself.

Skyler: I feel like a failure, dad. I don't mean that in the “I'm in my late 20s it's time to get overly dramatic way” either. I legitimately feel like I've failed myself and everyone around me.

My dad's expression remained unchanged. Shit eating grin and all.

Dad: Failed at what becoming a wrestler? Doesn't seem much like failing to me considering you're doing fairly well and you ain't quit yet.

That was true. I hadn't quit.

Yet..

Skyler: But I want to. I just want to throw in the towel and call it quits. I don't feel like I'm ever going to get anywhere in this “field” so to speak.

My dad begins to laugh as he wipes the condensation away from his glass of water before taking a drink.

Dad: Do you really think you’re the only person who’s ever wanted to just quit? Hell, more often than not I don’t want to get out of this chair. But when push comes to shove, I do. Feeling vulnerable, feeling weak, doesn’t mean that you are. It means you’re a person. Everybody feels like that once in a while.

In my mind I knew that what he was saying was true, I even knew that before this moment. But for whatever reason, his reassurance allowed me to become more accepting of the fact.

Skyler: I don’t think I am the only one, but I do feel awful regardless. I’ve never been a quitter and I’m ashamed of myself for even contemplating it.

Dad: So don’t quit then. It’s pretty simple. If you don’t want to quit, then don’t let yourself. Do what you gotta do, and just get it done.

Most girls want hugs and love from their father. Which, don’t get me wrong, I wanted those things as well. But we had a special relationship. I was allowed to cry and whine so long as when he gave me real, heartfelt and helpful advice, I didn’t ignore it. Truth be told, I never did.

Skyler: I know, I know. I’m just worried that I’m not going to be where I need to be when the time comes, you know?

My dad, once again, with a smile locked on his aging face looked me straight in the eye and gave me the greatest advice I’ve ever been given. To this day, when the going gets tough, I just think back to this moment and everything becomes clear..

Dad: You know you worry too much, right? Trust me when I say, that after all these years if there is one thing this hard head has learned, it’s that it will always work out in the end. It may not be the ending you had planned, but regardless, everything works out in the end.

As vague, cliche, and cheesy as it was, it sealed the deal for me, so to speak. It was the exact type of 80s montage related inspiration I needed to push through the hardship I was facing.

Skyler: I'd like to say you always know what to say, but it's only plausible like 23% of the time. Luckily for both of us, this is 23% of the time.

My dad laughs as he stands and extends his arms for a hug. I move in close as his loving arms embrace me once again. As the embrace begins to loosen he looks at me with a look of seriousness.

Dad: Did you hear about the guy who crashed his motorcycle and had to have his entire left side amputated?

Skyler: Dad that isn't even poss…

He quickly cuts me off.

Dad: But don't worry, honey. He's all right now!

Skyler sighs heavily and smiles.

Those are the moments I'll always cherish. The fact that in the face of adversity he never wavered. He stood his ground, took care of me and him all while life did it's best to tear us down.

So there I stand face to face with my last opponent. Or well, what would be my last opponent for the time being. The bell goes off and I come out of the gate like a stallion. For a moment it was mine for the taking, I was on fire. Every move I made was one step closer to victory. I stood in disbelief as I realized all of my hard work had paid off. I never let up, man. It was my single greatest performance to date.

But then..

But then something happened. Marcus landed a stiff jab right on my orbital bone which sent me stumbling backwards. By the time I realized it, Marcus was launching me towards the corner. I brace myself for the impact as I'd done many times before. My lower back was the first to make impact as his raw power forced my body into the air uncontrollably.

The moment my body met the turnbuckle I felt and excruciating pain run up my spine and that was the last thing I remember from that night.

My next moment of clarity was a day later as I remember waking up in a hospital bed in more pain than I'd ever been in.

As it turned out, the sheer impact of my body into the turnbuckle literally shut down my nervous system and I immediately went into shock. They rushed me to the hospital and luckily for me there was no permanent damage.

I convey my experience in an attempt to shed some light on the unknown. Because, truth be told, you have never heard of me, and some of you couldn't care any less. I'd say that over half of you won’t even acknowledge my existence until I've proven myself worthy of your time.

I respect that.

I can't sit here and say that I will prove my worth in a single match, but I can say that it will be the beginning of something incredible.

I take pride in all that I do in life, so much so that my confidence borders cockiness and I accept it.

As I said, this Saturday will be the beginning of my career here in the XWF. I am facing another up and comer in Elena Bellatrix. I really like her name, it's unique. Furthermore, the winner of our match will go on to face the current Bombshell Champion, Nyx Nephthys. If that's not a housewarming gift so to speak, I don't know what is!

Ms. Bellatrix, first and foremost let me say it is an honor to compete with you this Saturday on Savage. I have been looking forward to this moment for a long time. Not to face you personally, but to debut in a place as well known and amazing as the XWF.

I am grateful to have you as my first opponent too, just so you know.

With that being said, I'm going to close out this “Behind The Music” type promo for now.

Best of luck in our match, and may the best woman win!

So about that whole “May the best woman win thing.” I definitely meant what I said. But realistically it's not very humbling to out right congratulate myself on a victory. And truthfully, I think it's going to be one hell of a battle. Unfortunately, however, I regret to inform you that I will be the next Bombshell Champion.

Like I said, I teeter the line when it comes to arrogance and confidence. Speaking of teetering lines, are you actually as crazy as you claim to be or are you a wolf in sheep's clothing?

I'm going to go with the latter.

Here's why:

Crazy people, truly sick, demented, inhumane people don't view themselves the way the rest of the world does. You asked if management knew what they were doing putting you in an extreme rules match. Well first off, probably not, honey. I doubt on your application there was a “Check here if you're a murdering psychopath” box. So yeah, I'm not sure how they are supposed to know that you're “OH. EM. GEE. CRAY CRAY” as you essentially put it.

You immediately in the next breath begin to “divulge” to the world the unknown thus relieving them of any responsibility of having prior knowledge.

I doubt most of us need it clarified, sweety. Your Sesame Street style riddles are in fact, meaningless statements meant to strike fear in the heart of your opponent.

But this isn't “Are You Afraid Of The Dark”. Your spooky campfire fallacies will have no effect on anyone over the age of 10. You can hang out in whatever damp, dark, pointlessly emphasised setting you choose, it's not going to affect me, babe.

You have your own perception of the world?!

Holy crap, somebody call Dr. Phil she's obviously nuts! Everybody has their own perception of the world ya dweeb.

I also noticed that you keep attempting to clarify for everyone but there is like, zero point. You just keep trying to inflate your self worth and viewpoints to make you seem edgy, and hip, and unique.

Sadly, it's not that interesting even after the blatant inflation of ridiculousness.

I actually stopped watching your promo against Kim Anderson roughly 1.5 minutes after it started.I truly saw all that I needed to see about you in that short amount of time.

A huge plus for me, a huge downside for you, though.

I do have a few questions for you though. Hopefully you can “clarify” a few things for me. Not that I actually care, but curiosity seems to have got the best of me regardless.

Question 1: Hawthorne Heights or Panic! At The Disco? I'm just wondering which one of those bands you played on repeat while you attempted to garner the attention of the masses making idle suicide threats while simultaneously stealing plastic butter knives from KFC.

Question 2: With the obvious extended amount of time you loitered in Hot Topic, did they ever offer you a job? To your credit, if I were pretending to be a crazy, depressed vampire like creature, you'd be the first associate I'd seek out to help me find the black eyeliner and Dance Gavin Dance beanies.

Question 3..

Eh, no. I'm bored now. Those were the most interesting things I could think of. I do look forward to hearing your answers though. I imagine you'll get overly defensive and try and “clarify” how you weren't that person. That you were unique just like everybody else.

I do wish you the best of luck, truly I do. But luck is only the beginning of what you're going to need come Savage. You should have played your cards closer to your chest. I have no doubt you'll beat Kim Anderson on Warfare. It's just a shame that you signed the dotted line for Savage which inevitably forces me to hand you your first loss in the XWF.

Remember all that talk about teetering lines?

Well, there is an obvious one that separates the champions from the underachievers.

It's just a shame that you've already stumbled and fell face first on the wrong side of it.

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