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~~Ronnie Cage~~ · (11-21-2016)

Tornado '87

You hear thunder, and wind, like a storm is raging outside. Darkness. But it's not that the screen is black. We're in a room, much like Drake's Hotline Bling room, don't lie, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Even if you don't like Drake, you know about his hotline bling room, and if you really don't, go look that shit up! Anyway, in this version, all four walls, the floor and ceiling are painted black. No windows. So, darkness. Until slowly a light begins to shine. There is one solitary spotlight hanging from the ceiling and as it opens, it begins to shine on a man in the center of the room. That man is dressed in a pair of jeans, a black Sheepdogs band t-shirt, a trademark Stetson Corral Cowboy Hat, and confederate Converse All-Stars. Ronnie Cage is here.

"Okay, what the fuck was that? Or should Ah say, who? PaniK? Ah've never even fucking heard of yew, and yew come intew our ring, and yew hit Benito with a chair, me with a piledriver intew a chair, and then chokeslam David and Zach? First, even if yew had only attacked our opponents, we didn't need yore help. We could've destroyed them on our own. Secondly, yew lay a finger on us outside of a sanctioned match, yew best believe there will be retribution.

Now, Benito. Ah seriously worry about yore mental state. Didn't yew get enough of an ass kicking Saturday night? Also, that Alabama-Rama must have rattled yore brain or maybe yore just

. David never said yew were Mexican, yew idiot. He said yew were Hispanic. So he was wrong. Why the fuck should anyone care where yore from. So yore Italian-American from New York, and not from some Spanish-speaking country. Who gives a fuck. Also, 'amigo' - that's a fucking spanish word, dipshit. So if yore gonna pretend tew be Italian, at least fucking act like it. Also, David never said yew'd never accomplish anything in XWF, he just said yew'd be nothing but insignificant. Dew yew know what that means? Or should Ah explain it tew yew? Insignificant means that even though yew won some title and held it for a while (and yew must have lost it a bunch tew if yew had multiple reigns) doesn't mean it matters. In fact insignificant means that you accomplished something that doesn't matter. Either way that absolutely won't stop us from kicking yore ass a second time. David and Ah are unstoppable. After we leave yew fore dead, we will have our eyes on the main event: Doctor Satan vs Dolly Waters and Luca Arzegotti, whichever team wins, know we're coming fore yew. It doesn't matter who yew put us up against. We will win. This is just the beginning.

Now quickly a note tew Kurt Angle, who hasn't been seen since his streak was cut short by Chris Chaos. Gee, Ah hope he shows up fore this match. Fore yore sake, Benito, Ah really hope he does. Ah'm not sure yew can take another beating like yew did on Saturday. Kurt, yore Olympic medal means nothing. Yore "European Title" means nothing. Ah don't care what titles yew've won. Whatever yew've done, we've done more. Both individually and together. Ah don't know how yew managed tew win three matches, but Ah assure yew, yore loss tew Chaos was no fluke. So if yew bother tew show yore face during our little match, reconsider, because we will snap yore neck without mercy.

Take note, XWF. Bad Attitude is just the first piece of a much larger threat. We will wreak havoc all over this company. No one will be safe. Not the fans, not the staff and certainly not the wrestlers. Whenever yew turn around, we will be there. When yew take a piss, we will be there. When yore fucking yore groupies, wives, husbands, girlfriends, boyfriends, sisters or brothers, yew better damn well believe we'll be there tew. Havoc will come tew XWF, and it just may not recover.

Oh. Ah dew have one more question fore Benito. It's been troubling me. Who's Adrian? Is that yore mother? Because if so? Damn right Ah did it! Ah fucked her so well, yew became mentally

! Don't ask me how, Ah guess it's just magic. Ah'd warn yew about looking right and left, because...yew know BAM! Alabama-Rama, but yew've already experienced that. So run, run as fast as yew can, this is Anarchy, bitch, and Ah'm Ronnie Cage, man!"

Ronnie ends his speech by simultaneously dropping his head while raising an arm and an elbow in a gesture that has been noted to resemble sneezing. Yes, take a second to think about that. Probably one of the most uncharacteristic things Ronnie will ever do...he dabbed. Then after laughing for a few second at how ridiculous he must look, his expression goes cold, except for the fire burning in his eyes. He pulls a matchbook out of his jeans and lights a match as he walks towards the door. He turns to face the room, and drops the match before leaving. The screen fades to black with a view of fire climbing up all four walls.

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