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Hunter Payne · (04-08-2013)

Trash
You earned it

We cut to a close shot of Neonero, looking down at his tablet, seemingly not having too much fun, sighing from time to time. As we zoom in a little, we notice he’s queued up the promos of Neil Capra and Ursula Areano, and is flipping between them seemingly randomly, as if he can’t find a base line to focus on. Eventually he glances up, looking despondent, and starts to talk into the camera.

Ehhh...so Cappy showed up. There’s something inherently ironic about a guy creating elaborate mini-death scenes in his promos where he kills women, only to then tell us all he respects his opponents, myself and Ursula (a woman) in the very same promo. I mean, I hate to rag on such good production value. The realism of that scene blows John Madison’s head chopping out of the water at least.

Nero waves his hands left and right in a ‘flipping’ motion.

Ursula, do you have anything you want to declare? Dat colour scheme. Dat soundtrack. Dat fade. If you’re such a warrior, why do you need to remind everyone of how I do things to get yourself over? Not to mention, your English seems to have miraculously gone from broken to almost perfect in the space of one promo. Is your butler secretly a woman overdubbing your shit?

Curious.

Let’s take a 7 day trip back in time. I had the most meagre of words with John ‘Fred Durst’ Madison last week, basically just throwing shit at the wall and seeing what stuck, since Jeff Hardy was awol and I was bored. Nothing major or in depth. At any rate, he came back with this empty promo which half focused on something I’d already gone over to the point of dismissal – namely, how the old Madison was better, and the rest was pretty poor trash talk. I was rather under whelmed – you know, it was the kind of lazy trash talk I offered in my first promo this week. Anyway, it was poor to the extent it just seemed like a waste of my efforts speaking to him anymore.

Inquisitive brows.

Fast forwards to the present day, and along comes Ursula. Now I know you’re trying to fit in around here sweetie, so I understand why you’ve tried to imitate my mannerisms and such. I know that’s why your production team have been pushing you to use my colour scheme and such despite it not being logical. So in a way, I shouldn’t be surprised that Maddy was up next. I never thought you’d literally use my words against me, though. As mentioned, I told Maddy the old Madison was more interesting. Then, this week, here’s Ursula with this nugget:

Quote:I wanted the old Neonero. At latest he was enjoyable. This is someone just trying to be Neonero trying to get into the swing of things.

Nero cant help unleashing a toothy grin, accompanying his still disbelieving facial expression.

There are ironies here on a hundred levels, but I’m just going to go with the one that stuck out at me most. Ursula, you say you want the old Nero, he was interesting.

Then you copy the – quote - ‘new’ Nero to the letter. And the best part is you only copied what even I intended as nothing more than a half assed antagonistic poke.

Bravo.

Nero applauds ironically.

So then, trapdoors. Your defence against being caught out is to tell me that you set a trapdoor under my trapdoor...right? Is that right? I’m looking for clarification here because that is possibly the stupidest thing I have ever heard. I’m putting this as lightly as I can because I don't want to ruin those endorsement deals you have going, how else would you afford batteries for your vibrator? Make sure you mention vibrators, tits and shit often, by the way, its really doing great numbers with your women's lib audience. And helps us keep from forgetting you’re a woman, because those silicone fun-bags you wear with such pride just remind people like me of creatures like Nicki Minaj, you know, looks like it could be female, but you’re never really quite sure what it is, or even if its human.

Neonero looks bug eyed, shrugging. He really has no idea what Nicki Minaj is. Some kind of cleavage monster.

Back to trapdoors. You’d do well to retain that honesty I first mentioned, because its one of your saving graces around here. That and your ability to talk...which seems to be sorely lacking in evidence this week. I mean we got to see your Rocky training montage, which was electric, but other than that....all you’ve done is spend the entire week on the back foot. But at least, unlike our little Cappy, you bothered to say something this week.

Shake of the head.

Cappy, you disappoint me. For a guy who pretends to murder as his gimmick, or whatever that was, you sure don’t have much to say for yourself. But then, they do say most serial killers are loners. Perhaps you are catching up when it comes to social skills? Let’s have a look at the meagre offering you left for me, because I might as well give you the benefit of at least three paragraphs out of my mouth before I move on as indifferent as the audience.

Nero holds up his tablet as he queues up the right videoclips.

Quote:Neonero, I'm sure you understand how pointless telling someone your reason for being here is. Why would anyone give up that kind of information? Who would be stupid enough to give away their edge?

I don't know, why would you be idiotic enough to get in the ring with Neonero? What level of

do we have to fall to before we reach parity here?

Quote:If you feel I'm only here for masochism, then you're going to keep thinking that idiotic thought for the remainder of your time before the match. However, to semi answer your question, I serve a higher purpose.

A higher purpose you say, is that higher as in Albert Fish castrating and murdering young boys ‘because God (higher power) told him to’, or is that as in you smoke too much weed and don’t know what you’re doing? Maybe you have been on a lifelong acid trip because mommy and daddy were users and you were seeing that shit in the womb?

Quote:That being said, it's obvious you're here to ask stupid questions and play simpleton level mind games. How boring, who's next?

Ahh Cappy, I don’t have to play mind games with the likes of you...have you not noticed the poor results I got from Ursula by playing mind games? She just chose the head in the sand tactic when I caught her out. What would you do in her place? On the evidence you’ve shown so far, all you’d do is pretend you’d not noticed a thing and instead skirt around talking to me entirely. Which is fine, and, in fact, quite sensible. You want to focus on the match itself rather than talking about it. Perhaps you are aware how easily I will turn you inside out, and that’s why you hide behind your purse for now. It’s a beauty by the way, is it designer like CM Punk mark one’s?

Nero looks disappointed.

Believe it or not guys, I just quoted all of his trash talk. That was the sum total of his words, well save for this chestnut:

Quote:I'm right here, ready to relive you of your duties as European Champion

Nero bellows now, unable to hide his amusement.

Haha, Cappy, you mong, the only thing I’ll be relieving is my bladder, pissing all over you and the Areano after the bell. Or even before the bell. Who knows how far my leniency stretches?

Nero looks at the camera inquisitively, as if he’d just asked a genuine question.

But going back to Ursula...you stated that you wanted the ‘old’ Neonero. Which Neonero is that? I’m really interested what exactly it is that you miss. You mean the Neonero who would don a mask at random and act a clown? Or the Neonero who had the likes of Itazura and Flynn on the back foot in our exchanges physical and verbal? If it’s the latter to which you refer, then I must point out a sad and obvious fact...you are not either of those guys. Those guys got that reaction from me because they offered more to me. You haven’t offered anything even remotely on the same scale as those guys. Itazura was mystifyingly naïve about how trash talk works but he still knew how to bring it. You think a few sentences will distract me from the fact you cherry picked what to take me on with and what to skirt around?

Quote:You had to pull a cheap move of stating respect? It was a smart, truly it was.

Make your mind up Ursula. Was it smart or were you on top of that shit?

Quote:But I don't think stating the quote.

GG

NORE

Will save you? I could have did the same thing you did. State the point term your say every promo. It is getting kinda old, it was a nice way and all. But it seems like your are not catching the hint. Nobody fucking cares.

First off...save me from what? Paying tax? True dat.

Second, I think you’ll find I mention the GG NORE tour far less than I could if I were aiming for the point of saturation. The fact is, I use my bullets in moderation. I don’t need to reiterate shit ‘every promo’, but nice attempt. At least you tried. You knew you had nothing in response to most of my words so you reached into your little bag of tricks. Well done for trying, it’s not your fault it was so lacklustre.

Quote:Are you sad little Nero, did I hurt you feelings?

Yes, yes I’m crushed to the soul by your inconsistent diatribe towards me. The inconsistency itself is actually the most crushing part. Never before have I been on the receiving end of such a barrage, frankly, it has been very unsettling.

Nero pouts like someone just took his last packet of skittles. He's about to cut off his feed, when four or five different notifications pop up. It seems Ursula has been a busy bee.

My my, who knew this girl could find so many ways to say the same thing? And each in my mannerisms too...interesting. I’m honing in on what’s relevant to me, because frankly despite these promos being the length of the average Mark Flynn win streak, your words are really starting to blend in with one another...

Quote:I don't know about his situation after him music groups dropped his ass

What

Quote:Sure I also have dream's of becoming a model. Who wouldn't that is what I took time from Wrestler to do another dream. You think I will waste all my time with wrestling? Don't you think should have another dreams as well.

Yes, because if you expect anyone to take your ‘dreams’ seriously, you need to be 100% focused on them. You have more than one dream, you are unfocused. This is simple logic. Don't half ass this. If you aren’t dedicated enough to do this for real then stop lying to yourself. Frankly it seems you are just a creature with a short attention span, and you expect us all to just nod along with whatever new direction you take. You know, kind of like Cyren. Hi, Cyren!

Quote: The only way to stop me is in death.

Tell Jeeves to pack your cyanide capsules.

By the way, good job on the butler! Who knew an unsuccessful week would lead to you suddenly having the finances for a butler? I’m actually genuinely puzzled by your finances, because they appear to be, and this is becoming a theme here, rather inconsistent. This girl seems to have her own personal gym, personal training area, and personal mansion in Argentina. And yet, she can only just afford a butler? This one detail hinging on an unremarkable week in which she lost on ppv?

And this is the girl who could afford to leave wrestling paycheques and replace them with modelling dates that would be supplemental income for most? And just to hark on a point from my second promo, Ursula even left her dream career as a wrestling athlete to take up these modelling options?

So, do you need to work for a living or not? If you don't need to work, why did you give up your dream? If you don't need to work, why have you only just been able to ‘afford’ a butler?

More to the point, why do you need a butler? Are you that lazy? Christ you live alone, how much mess can you make? Are you a real gusher and ashamed to take your bed sheets to the launderette because the world knows you are single? Notice I’ve reverted to being inane again? This is what I am talking about when I say you just don't bring it hard enough for me to bring my a-game. But I’m sure that will be different in the ring, right? Yeah, and Cappy will be relieving me of the title at the end.

Nero bursts into laughter, rolling around in his chair.

No one told me you guys had jokes. I was not prepared for this.

Quote: She takes a few more moments to reflect on the beauty that is Tampa while sipping on her cool, refreshing drink before heading back inside the room and sitting down at her desk and turning on herb iPad.

My mistake, technically Ursula did warn us.

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