Threaded Mode | Linear Mode

**Vincent Lane** · **02-01-2015, 04:05 PM**

First of all, to all of the disgusting, nasty freaks in the Asylum – I saw what you did to my lover, my fiancé, the man of my dreams, “Loverboy” Vinnie Lane last week at Turning Point.

Let’s just get something straight with you Asylum fucks: there hasn’t been a group of rejects like you together in one place since the last time someone took out the trash at a discount abortion clinic. If Vinnie were home with me right now, and I could wish on his lucky rabbit’s foot that he takes everywhere with him, my one and only wish would be to go back in time to visit all of your mothers and tell them about Plan B.

Of course, being the low class, low ability, low rent runners up from a sixth grade Halloween costume contest that you all are, the only two of you to enter into the upcoming XWF Rumble Shove It are Lucius Fyre, who is so far below anyone’s radar that he probably doesn’t even know he’s actually in the match, and of course, Frodo Smackins, the actual poster boy for birth control.

Let me give you two losers a real quick breakdown of how the match is going to go, regardless of your cowardly kidnapping tactics last week. Ready?

First, Vinnie is not only going to get away from the Asylum – I’ve already talked to TJ and the rest of the Underground, and trust me, it’s gonna be ugly when they find whichever one of you guy’s mother’s basement you’re all holed up in – but he’s not only getting away, he’s getting to that rumble. He’s getting there, and it doesn’t matter if he’s number one, like he is in the ring and in the bedroom, or if he’s number 30. No matter when Vinnie runs down that aisle to thunderous cheers, he’s going to be the last man standing.

Here’s another prediction, specifically for the Asylum. About thirty seconds after Lucius Fyre gets into the ring, he’s getting tossed right back out. I only hope it’s Vinnie who gets to do it, but, the realistic truth of it is Fyre couldn’t beat the fucking Chair of Mastermind, so whoever gets to him first is getting a free elimination.

As far as Frodo? Well, let’s face it. The one and only accolade this little ass hair can even claim to have the slightest bit of legitimacy to it at all recently is winning the kid’s table title at the Federweight battle royal. Why Vinnie felt the urge to even show up to that thing I’ll never know, but he did, and Frodo got him over the top. Good for you, Frodo. You have a precedent for having thrown a guy ten times as important as you’ll ever be out of a meaningless battle royal. I’m sure you’re furiously jerking yourself off remembering the moment every night before you lay down in your dog bed and cry yourself to sleep. Vinnie’s kicked your ass twice, adding a third to it isn’t going to be a problem.

So what happens when the Asylum is gone from the Rumble? Who else is left to be a threat to the new number one contender to the Universal Championship? Who?

LH Harrison? Harrison’s a nice guy but he’s made some shitty choices as of late, especially joining up with that unshaved dyke Miranda Tigris a few weeks ago. Not only that, but Harrison has broken the record for losing to Loverboy the most amount of times in his career. No one’s sweating the alleged “Inspiration” come next week, trust me.

Luca Arzegotti? The only thing that guy can beat nowadays is apparently the border patrol in a footrace. He’s another has been with multiple losses to the Rock n’ Roll Megastar. Next.

Scully? Well, he was on the War Games team that beat Team Mastermind, so he’s got a score-evener coming his way. Not that anyone in the match, on the roster, or even on his own War Games team really thinks he had anything to do with that L being added to Vinnie’s record.

Maverick? I’m not going to wear the lipstick off of my lips talking about that piece of shit. Let’s just sum him up by pointing out that if Vinnie Lane gets his hands on Maverick again he will be the bloodiest pussy I’ve seen since I pulled the tampon out of my snatch two hours ago.

There’s a handful of mid-card maybes praying to XWF’s very own Jesus Christ to get a number higher than 25, like Austin Fernando, Justin Sane, and Caroline Burchill too. Why don’t we just roll Rodd and Todd out there and get a full basketball team’s worth of mediocrity between the five of them?

There are exactly two people in this Rumble match that Vinnie considers worth his time. Doctor D’Ville, a loss that came out of nowhere and also a guy who regularly wins battles royal, and Barney fucking Green. Why Barney you might ask? Isn’t he just 500 pounds of shit stuffed into a 400 pound bag? Maybe, but what he is also is a former World Champion. How many others are in that match? I could give you Diesel’s landline number and you could double the legitimacy of the match by having him strain his quads in there for five minutes.

Doc… prepare yourself. You won’t be expecting my lover to remember what it takes to hold his own against you. You’re riding high as one of the most successful performers in the company lately, second only to Vinnie in accomplishments. You’ve been a dominant X-Treme Champion, something Vinnie himself wasn’t even able to do when he bothered to try. You beaten everyone that’s crossed your path… well, everyone except for guys like Harrison and Gator anyway. Two guys who HAVE lost to my man before.

At this point though, you’re tired. You’re burnt out. You’re a one-eyed old man who, let’s face it, isn’t going to be winning week after week for much longer. You came damn close to losing to Pest, and don’t even get me started on the numerous ways Vinnie has outdone that joke over the months. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll just back out of the match… but if you don’t? Vinnie will be more than willing to show you the way out himself.

Pay attention, XWF: next weekend is the real big game, and 29 of you are getting a chance to be seen in the ring with greatness. The best of the best, the number one contender, and the next Universal Champion, “Loverboy” Vinnie Lane.

I hope you liked my promo I did for you, baby.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode "Loverboy?" - Have You Seen Me?
Author	Message