The trio of Hysteria, Katie, and Frodo look around at their surroundings with a stunned look upon their faces. They turn and see a dense and dark forest that seems to ooze foreboding tensions from its pitch black floor. Looking around some more, they see a small cottage with smoke billowing from the rooftop. Out in front of the house is a few large pumpkins and a large feathered horse?! Katie squeals and points at the cottage. She begins jumping up and down! Frodo looks at the house and it finally seems to dawn on him. Hysteria just seems confused by her excitedness and also as to who she is. Hysteria walks up to Katie, removes his glove, and extends his hand to her. He chuckles slightly under his breath.

I’m afraid we’ve never had the chance to meet, but I’m Hysteria.

She quickly shakes his hand while keeping her eyes on the small house.

"Frodo's daughter, Katie. Like Tunstall, but way cuter. Don't you think?"

Hysteria laughs with a little sense of relief.

Oh, daughter. That…

Hysteria looks at Frodo and Katie up and down.

…makes sense as much as anything else I’m seeing here. Katie, do you know where we are?

She smiles largely and giggles at Hysteria as Hysteria places the glove back on his hand.

"Yes, but… it makes no sense. We’re at Hogwarts. The fictional school from the Harry Potter franchise. But, this place doesn’t exist. It’s a book and movie."

"Katie, of course it's real. We're looking at it."

Wait, what if we were just transported to the location of the set? After all, this castle actually exists, right?

"I guess. But why is Buckbeak here then?"

A buck…what?

"I dunno, but I'm going to fuck it. Hey, look a winged horsie thing."

"Yeah, that's Buckbeak. A hippogriff. I'm gonna go pet him. Come on, and Hysteria, please feel free to look at my butt on the way."

Before Frodo has a chance to react, she’s charged down the hill pulling Frodo with her by the wrist. Charging down the hill, they stop probably ten yards away from Buckbeak and stare at the creature. Hysteria, who elected to walk, catches up to them and is intrigued by the large beast in front of him.




As they gaze at the creature a noise is heard emanating from the hut. A blood-curdling woof from a big dog. A bang and clatter are heard as large footsteps are heard coming from inside the hut. The door opens and the belly exits the doorway before the rest of the massive man bends to exit the frame. The man stands tall over eight feet tall. Maybe closer to nine. The man has an enormous black beard and long curly black hair. Hysteria’s mask changes from a splattered inkblot to a very small and central splotch. Hysteria’s hands automatically go into his pockets in self-defense. Frodo looks at the man and nods as if assessing the huge man. Katie’s mouth is agate in pure jubilee!

In a thick accent, the man speaks in a deep tone.

Well hullo there.

"HAGRID!"

Katie rushes towards Hagrid which causes Buckbeak to raise up and rear his legs up in the air! Katie looks petrified as Hagrid runs in between her and the Hippogriff.

Whoa Buckbeak, WHOA! You silly creature, you! Back away!

The Hippogriff calms down and backs away. It stares at Hysteria as it trots away. Hysteria’s gaze is unwavering on the beast as it finds another place to lie down. Hagrid turns around and places his textbook-sized hands on the shoulders of Katie.

Are you alright, little missy?

Katie nods at the large man with a mixture of fright and delight frozen on her face. Hagrid turns and looks at the other two men.

Now who are the likes of you three? You aren’t students by the age and looks o’ yah.

Hysteria laughs at the thought of being a student. He leaps up on top of one of the enormous pumpkins to get to eye-level with the half-giant.

Hagrid, right? WELLLLL I’m Hysteria. Leader of a Family called The Asylum. I was sent her by my divine omnipotent Higher Power. One moment I’m asking for something to change the past and the next I’m being sent through a portal to this place with my brethren, Frodo Smackins, and his daughter, Katie. Now, what and who are you?

The mastodon looks at Hysteria through squinted eyes as if untrusting of him.

Well that’s a story for the ages, lad. Somehow you two knew my name without asking yet I’ve never met a man who hid his face with a mask as interesting as that.

Hysteria sneers and laughs darkly.

Look, oaf. I’m not here to be criticized or assessed. But I must commend you on your excellent handling of such a… unique creature.

Well that’s why I stay here. My job on these grounds is as the groundskeeper. I maintain everything and can handle any beast that causes a ruckus. What kind of keeper would I be if I couldn’t handle a little Hippogriff?

The burly man barrel laughs as his large abdomen shakes.

But if you thought that Buckbeak was impressive then you’d really like to see Fluffy. Fluffy is a three headed dog that guards…

Hagrid trails off and looks around.

Well I got a little off-track. You said you need something to back time up? I can’t say I know of anything like that on these grounds. Maybe your higher power sent you to the wrong place, lad. Sorry I can’t be of more help.

Hagrid begins to turn around. He turns back around and looks at the three of them.

I’ll haveta ask you to leave the grounds now. You’re not even supposed to be here if you’re not a student or a professor.

"I'm not leaving, and if you try and make me, I'll just fucking dick punch you. You ever been dick punched, ?"

Hagrid takes a few steps towards Frodo and raises his umbrella at the chest of Frodo.

You’d be violating the rules of these very grounds in which you walk, leprauchaun.

Frodo looks at the large man with not an ounce of worry.

"Aww snap. I love violating shit. Can I violate it multiple times?"

Hagrid pokes Frodo with the umbrella and a pig tail shoots out of the back of Frodo’s jeans!

"Mother fucker. Do you know what brand these are? Me, neither. But I liked them! I will ass fuck you for that."

Frodo raises his fist at the large man, but Hysteria leaps down in front of Frodo and restrains him whilst Frodo is spitting profanities in the direction of Hagrid.

"Wait! You’re looking for something to back up time, right? Buckbeak is here so that must mean… we’re in the third book, Hysteria!"

Hysteria looks at her as if he has no idea what the hell she’s talking about. She hits her forehead with her palm and extends her arms.

"Didn’t you read the books or watch the movies?"

Harry Potter!? I CAN’T say it’s really in my interests.

"Boo to you. Come over, I'll make popcorn, put on my special robes and we can watch it together. Anyway, the movie is about Sirius Black."

Sirius Black? That monster? He’s in Azkaban for being a death eater and conspiring with You-Know-Who.

Hysteria sighs and turns to Hagrid.

‘You-Know-Who?’

"Voldemort, Hysteria."

Hagrid leaps at the mention of the name. He scans the tree line and looks at the school. He looks at the little girl as if she had just swore.

You can’t say his name! That’s why he’s known as ‘You-Know-Who!’

"Oh I’m so sorry Hagrid! Please don’t be angry with me!"

Katie runs up and hugs Hagrid. Hagrid pats her and looks confused.

Annnnyyyyywayyyyyssss I don’t really care! What the fuck does some guy in jail have to do with an object that can turn back time?

"In that book, Hysteria! Hermione has a time-turner! Using that, we can go back in time to fix whatever it is you want to fix!"

Hysteria laughs loudly and rushes over and hugs Katie! He lifts her up and swings her around. He sets her down and looks over at Frodo who is eyeing him oddly. Hysteria clears his throat.

"Please fuck me. Now."

Excellent work, Katie. Now, giant, where can we find Hermione…?

Hysteria looks at Katie questioning.

"Granger. Where can we find Hermione Granger Hagrid?"

I can’t just tell you where to find students. That would go against the code!

What if we tell everyone about Fluffy?

Hagrid looks flustered and throws his fist down in exasperation.

Agh, I shouldn’t have told you that. I really should not have told you that.
Okay well she’s supposed to come by here in a few hours with a few of her friends for a sip of tea.

Hysteria laughs wildly and throws his arms up in success.

O thank you Higher Power! You have once again gone above and beyond what I expected from you! Just another example of your brilliance. Hagrid. My friends and I will be waiting on the other side of that little ridge. We’ll enter as they come down the hill. All I ask is that you aid us in convincing her to hand the device over. Think you can do thatttt? Huh, Hagrid?! Can you?

Hagrid looks at the three with a look of distrust in his eyes. He finally nods slightly.

I’ll help ya with only one condition. No harm come to the children. If any harm comes to them, I’ll have to defend them and give you a lot worse than a pig tail.

Frodo is chomping at the bit to jump over Hysteria and kill the fat man.

"I will ass fuck you like you've never been assfucked if you try it. And then, I will slit Harry's throat in front of you. You want that?"

Hagrid and Frodo hold a gaze for a few seconds before Hysteria and Katie drag Frodo away from Hagrid and to their hiding place. Hysteria begins laughing as they get set-up peering over the edge.

This wasn’t what I had in mind for my Christmas evening.

"Eh, better than I had planned. I was gonna get fucked up and hang myself. Anyway, now I'm going to rape the giant."

"Nope. Can't let you do that. If you do that, you could fuck up the timeline. Who'd save the day, then? Neville? Please, he's a pussy. And not like the one I want Hysteria to fill."

As they look on, a familiar face is seen strolling down the pathway.

" No… it can’t be…Big poppa Sexy. I love his cocksure swagger."

"Stop being slutty Katie. Hysteria won't fuck you, and no one likes a slutty blonde with a fat ass."

"Yes, they do. Everyone does."

"Name one person who does."

"Crack. Anyway, look who it is."

TO BE CONTINUED…