"So we then get to Warfare and I got my chance to end Luca once and for all in a match I excel in, a FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE match. I knew going in the odds weren't in my favor. But when ARE they in my favor? Well, I guess they were in that 10 man Gauntlet since I came out as #10 and still lost but I digress." - Peter Gilmour trash talking Peter Gilmour


Our next taped promo takes place, not in Philadelphia like the previous four promos, but in the present day kitchen of John Madison's home. John Madison is standing in front of the camera with his hands resting behind his back and a goofy smile on his face. Behind him is a table which is covered by a single white cloth.


"Hello, I'm John Madison and today I am presenting to you 'Why I Am The King And He Isn't."


At that moment, John Madison grabs a hold of the cloth and whips it off the table like a magician making his big reveal. On the table is a variety of items, but we'll let John Madison explain what they are. He begins to go down the line of items as the camera locks in on each item.


"I think that Peter Gilmour deserves to know why isn't fit to be a king. That is why I've gone through the trouble of putting together a presentation for him. This presentation will involve me showing Peter various items and explaining to him why these items are preventing him from reaching his full potential. So without further delay, let's examine the first item."




No, I don't have the actual Rose Smith, but I do have a picture of Rose Smith looking glamorous as always. Mmm, them teeth. Peter must love shoving his cock through that gap.


"First, we have Rose Smith as being one of the reasons behind Peter Gilmour failing to achieve anything. Don't worry, Peter. I'm not going to talk about how manly your fiancé is or show that famous picture of her penis popping out of her skirt. I want to talk about other ways that Rose Smith is holding you back. First off, marriage? Come on, Pete, that's pathetic. You're Peter Gilmour, the guy who makes all the ladies hot and horny. Why do you need to settle down with this broad/dude? I recall a moment from your past where you actually choked Rose Smith in bed!


That's no joking matter, Peter. If you cannot sleep without choking the bitch next to you then you shouldn't be married to her/him/it. What if she/he decides to press charges? Shane can't book you for your next title shot if you're in jail, Peter.


Also, myself and several others alarmed by the fact that you threaten Alexandra Callaway (and other females on the roster) with sex, regularly. I think rape threats are becoming a daily ritual for you, up there with devouring ten pounds of Twinkies every four hours. It's beginning to show how little interest you have in Rose Smith lately ever since you started making the moves on Alexandra Callaway. Rose is the love your life, yet you go and threaten to rape other women in the company that you work for? If you ask me, that's not something that a married man should be doing-- and I'm not even married. I have to say Pete; not only are you a disgrace to licensed professional wrestlers and licensed motorcyclists, but you're also a disgrace to licensed married people. I think you deserve to have all three revoked.


Your fiancé also seems to be the subject of many verbal attacks here in the XWF. Mr. XWF and even your own stablemate, Griffin MacAlister, have insulted the person who you intend to spend the rest of your life with. So what if Rose is a man? Even if you marry a bowl of meatballs, you should be prepared to fight for your significant other, Pete! I haven't seen you lift a finger for what Griffin, Mr. XWF, and a couple of others have said about her/it.


Lastly, there have been a few times where Rose Smith has gotten herself too involved in your line of work, and as a result cost you some matches. That's just unacceptable, Peter. I would never allow Shane or Luca Arzegotti at ringside if they weren't on the same page as me. Communication is the key to any relationship (whether it's intimate or professional), and I can tell just by watching her work at ringside that you two aren't communicating properly. And if you leave her at home most of the time like you say that you do, then I don't really see the point in being in a relationship with that hoe. This is a very fast paced, demanding job that we have. If Rose Smith isn't able to be with you then she'll find someone else like Mr. XWF.


John Madison moves on to the next item. It is a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire.


"Second, we have this barbed wire bat which you refer to as 'Barbie.' Again, I think you're beginning to lose interest in Rose Smith, or men/women in general if you're starting to humanize a baseball bat. What's next, Peter? Are you going to dress Barbie up all nice, take it out on a date, and have sex with it? Again, if that's what you're into then more power to you but you might want to break things off with Rose Smith first.


This isn't just about your strange affection towards inanimate objects though. This is about you and your need to constantly put yourself through these 'extreme' situations. It seems like you try to convince every other opponent to face you in an exploding cage match of some sort. Peter, do you realize that after you've fallen ten stories from an exploding building through a barbed wire table set on fire so many times, that it numbs fans to the point of not caring anymore? If they have seen it ten times before then chances are they don't care anymore. Not only that but it's affecting your body and keeping you from ever wrestling at 100 percent again.


Peter, put away the tables, and learn the basics, man. Maybe that's why you lose so much... Do you even know how to execute a proper headlock, or is the barbed wire bat your answer to every combat situation? Peter, our match on Monday isn't even an extreme rules type of match. You're going to be lost out there if you don't learn the basics."


The next item that John Madison goes to is a photograph of himself and Luca Arzegotti posing together in the XWF ring with their arms raised.


The next reason I want to touch on is the fact that Peter Gilmour spends an unhealthy amount of time trying to convince himself that myself and Luca Arzegotti are homosexuals.


I mean, every second sentence that comes out of his mouth involves the word "" in some way. The man is obsessed with the idea of me being gay with Luca Arzegotti; it's like some kind of weird fetish that he has. I don't know why he keeps calling me and Luca gay. Even if we were gay, how would that be relevant to what's taking place in the ring?


Maybe this gay thing really is just a fetish or fantasy of his that he wants to play out. Perhaps he thinks that if he keeps saying it that it will come true. Is that what you want, Peter? Do you want to watch Luca Arzegotti toss my salad or whatever sick fantasy you have going on in that head of yours?


I'm sorry to disappointment you, Pete, but you'll just have to keep playing out that little fantasy in your head. Rose Smith used to be a man, right? Maybe you two can have a little fun with some role playing.


Every time Peter talks it's just:

" , im gonna kill you madison! "

Over and over...


And why? Why do you sound so frustrated, Peter?


Because I call you fat from time to time?


Well, Peter, I've got news for you... You ARE fat.


John Madison moves onto the next item on the table which is a dinner plate with food stacked on top of it. There's pancakes, meatloaf, chicken Parmesan, chocolate chip cookies, blocks of cheese, hot pockets, donuts, and more.


"And speaking of fat, that brings me to the next topic.


Peter is not the King of the XWF because... you guessed it: he's FAT!


It's true, Peter. Your lack of proper diet and exercise is costing you what could be a prosperous career in the XWF. How can you even deny this after you've lose so many matches and blown so many opportunities?


I mean, holy fucking crap. Just look at yourself, Peter.

265 pounds my ass. When is the last time you hopped on a scale, Peter? Your profile is very misleading because there's no way that you're less than 350 pounds. It might be time for you to invest in a new scale and have the folks at XWF99.com update your profile. Either that, or invest in a dietitian who can get you back down to 265. Stop living in denial and stop eating all that chicken Parmesan. Eat a salad for once you fucking pig.


Do you even realize that you're actually exposing more lies by being such a fat ass, Peter? You talk all the time about how much you work out, yet you somehow retain all of that flab. You even set up the cameras sometimes to strategically catch you in the middle of these so-called workouts of yours. That just goes to show how terrible your workout routine is. If you worked out as much as you say you do, you would burn off all of those chicken Parmesan calories that you consume. You would actually be in good shape and might win a match or two. So why do you lie about your workouts, Peter? Do you just pour water over your head, hold up a dumbbell, and scream "100!" whenever the cameras are turned on?


You have a problem, Peter. No, you have several problems.


You're relationship with your fiancé is shit.


You take unnecessary risks that have no payoff.


You pathetic fucking liar.


You're homophobic.


And you're fat. Very fat.


Why did I give you this match again?


At this point, I think The Table is more deserving of the shot. I'm pretty sure that The Table has won more matches than you lately.


That's all for now.