Our scene this time opens to the roaring interior of an unknown comedy club. As we look around the room, you as a viewer can see that the crowd is already in a good mood. The terribly perverted camera man was too busy attempting to point his camera up a woman's skirt when he suddenly jerks the camera toward the stage in time to see a short, fat man waddle his way to the center (Before you ask, it isn't Paul Heyman, and you aren't clever)

Short, fat man on stage: "It's my pleasure to introduce the next performers, a duo that has only been around for a short time, but perform like they've been together for years, allow me to introduce, Luca Arzegotti and Katrina Perry!"

The crowd gives a respectful customary applause as the two step on stage, looking a stark contrast from their normal appearances. They both look as dressed up as one would ever see them, in matching suits that like they were pulled out of The Godfather. As the camera swoops through the rest of the room, the patrons appear to be extremely confused at the dressing choice the two had made, probably thinking their opinions mean something to either of the two standing before them. That's cute.

"I'm Luca."

"And I'm Katrina."

"And if you needed us to point that out to you..."

"...You're probably too stupid to watch the rest of this set!"

Apparently no strangers to getting ripped on themselves, the majority of the crowd laughs at the opening joke. With that, the two appear to ease up a bit, the first time jitters working its way out of both of their systems.

"Now, this past week, it seemed like every news outlet and their fucking mothers were covering the birth of the Royal baby, as if childbirth is such a novel fucking idea!"

"Yeah! What's the matter, never seen a baby before? Oh wait, you probably have, so what's so special about that little fucker? The sperm that made it came from the dick of prince? Who the fuck cares?"

"What's up with that? It's not like anyone in this country gave two fucks about the monarchy prior to this point, and no, the Royal Wedding doesn't count."

The crowd comes to an uneasy silence, unsure of how to react to that string of comments. That silence however, doesn't stop the two from pacing in opposite directions like they were while performing it.

"So, weird for some reason hot button issue out of the way first, time for a revelation to all of you. Get this, I'm a professional wrestler."

Almost as if on queue, the crowd begins bursting out in laughter. Harder than the opening comment by far. Chuckling herself, Katrina stops pacing and says over the crowd that had just began to die down:

"That was my response too."

Luca spins around on his heel and looks over at Katrina with a look of mock offense on his face. He begins to speak in his best imitation of Andrew Morrison's best imitation of Sebastian Duke's best imitation of the Undertaker.

"That's so offensive! I'm going to vent on my Liverjournal now while listening to 'Welcome to the Black Parade' on loop for the rest of the night!"

"Oh, stop acting like your opponents!"

Suddenly, the look disappears from his face.

"Oh yeah, I'm not anything the rest of the list of talent placed in front of me. Guys, I don't believe in explaining my jokes, so follow what you can. Fuck it, use those smartphones that you've been busy gaping at since we got up here. Look it up."

The duo wait in place as most of the audience whip out their overpriced, overreasourced phones and connect to the internet, desperately wanting to be in the know for whatever the fuck Luca's going to say. You're welcome, XWF. This is the most people logged onto the website since, well ever. Especially that god awful Madness website that no one promotes.

"Caught up? Good!"

"I mean, I did already talk about 'Mister Edgy' Jonny Rebel at length before, but something, possibly the power of Christ or the three shots of rattlesnake venom I downed before coming on stage tonight, compels me to talk about him some more. So..."

He twirls the microphone he's holding by the chord (because microphones with chords are the bomb, yo) while holding the last syllable of the word so (that would be the o part, dumbass) before continuing on with his spiel.

"So, where to start? Kat, where did I end at?"

"You expect me to remember? I kinda repressed the guy's existence..."

"That's why I was asking you! Fuck. So, if you don't remember anything about him, and I don't remember anything about him, then how are we going to talk about him?"

"We could always just make fun of his name."

"Yeah, but where's the fun or the challenge in that? He chose the most generically agnsty name to ever exist in the history of our sport."

Frustrated, Katrina takes off the fedora that was no doubt "borrowed" from Satty's infinite collection. Sitting on the edge of the stage, she pulls the microphone up to her mouth and begins to speak.

"Y'know, I think I may have dated that guy a long time ago."

"Oh, is that so? What makes you think that?"

"Hey, I never said I made very good decisions!"

"Come to think of bad decisions, I think I remember something about Jonny Rebel that I can point out for laughs!"

"Oh yeah, what's that?"

"He said something about me wanting to get fucked by a horse, and nothing responding to what I had said. That, I can answer to. I already know the reasoning behind it. Because for all his size advantage, every inch he's got on me, every pound more than I he weighs...

He's terrified of me.

There's a joke right there, ladies and germs. He's scared of little old me, because in a battle of wits, I could beat him while half asleep. I could mop up the floor with his scraggly facial hair in a war of words, because he simply can't form the right combination of words that can make me eat mine, so he doesn't even try. Pathetic.

So, I urge you all..."

"POINT AT HIM! POINT AT HIM AND LAUGH!"

"Yeah, what Kat said!"

"I mean, at least Aldway has the goddamn common courtesy to respond to the words I said about YOU. And as such, Aldway is the next guy I have to speak about. I say have to, a phrase denoting it being a chore, because it very well is a chore to listen to Aldway's frankly horrendous accent. And I'm a guy who loves English accents! However, petty shots about your voice is what we would both expect from Rebel, so I'll move on to the meat of the matter.

Your claims that I've been covering my ass? Newsflash, we're all covering our asses.

All.

Of.

Us.

Dezzy's doing it now that he LOST to Steele, the thing you say I did to Nightmare and Feder. I'm flaunting that fact, because that's the only bit of actual shit you have on me, completely disregarding the fact that I've beaten Nightmare and Austin before.

We all cover our asses Aldway, and until you stop trying to use that as an excuse to not think of anything else to say to me, I have nothing new to say to you. Also, I'll talk about whoever I damn well want to talk about.

I talk about Alex Shawn a lot, does that somehow make him a threat?

If you answered yes to that in your head, kill yourself.

Now.

Jump in a water filled bathtub with a plugged in toaster.

Fuck it, that leads me to Johnny Austin!

Hey Johnny! Remember a month or so ago when I said you weren't King material?

How does it feel to know that you aren't even Euro Title material, considering how Feder made you so irrelevant in that match. Hey, didn't that Diaz chick almost make you tap like three hundred times? How did you explain that one to Dezzy? Is she getting a spot in the connection for her valor?

Are any of these questions going to be answered?

Nope.

Because John Austin covers his ass, just like I do. Don't hear Aldie calling HIM out on it though...

Speaking of Andrews, we got Morry there crying about his lost girl like an episode of Maury. What's wrong, are you not the father?"

Katrina, content with listening to Luca speak, lets out an audible gasp at that last comment.

"Luca! How can you be so insensitive?! Morrison has just gone through an emotional break up!"

"Yeah, and?"

"He needs time to recove- Oh who am I kidding? I was just trying to get some words in edgewise.

Hey Morry, are you going to cry more than you did when Luca insulted you harder than Miss Callaway fucked you with her violet colored strap on? Or are we going to see the usual amount of waterworks, like the ones you aim at not being given a shot and being held down and such. I'm so sorry your first high school love turned her back on you, I can't possibly imagine why! You seem like the whole package...

Maybe the fact that you're obviously missing your package is why she left you. I mean, I could like between your legs all night, and I don't think I would be able to spot where you're supposed to be having your manhood.

Did it shrivel up and fall off when you made a truce with the only man stupider than you are?

Maybe it's off trying to find the grunge loving cunt Jessie Diaz.

Whatever it's doing, it isn't where it should be.

Maybe you should just go through with that operation after all, you for all intents and purposes transgendered cunt."

"We in no way mean that to insult transgendereds, just Morrison! Speaking of which Morrison, why did you get in this tournament? To help Aldway or Austin get to the second round? It sure looks like it to me.

Hmm, the other two aren't all that familiar to me. Mr. Radio and I Evertrust. The former was supposed to be Satty's brother, then it turned out to be false, and now they hate each other.

Fuck. The only thing I will say to you during this set.

Evertrust?

I would insult you, but I don't feel like going through you ranting about how by insulting you, I'm like sucking your dick or something. If I insult you, i insult you, no higher meaning beyond that. Satty once tried to enforce higher meanings on me, now he's just as much as a prick as me.

So yeah, preach your gospel somewhere else."

With that, the duo walk off the stage. The camera zooms into an empty seat, possibly denoting that the only bit of the audience that matters is the viewer of the recording.

Maybe this narrator was too lazy to describe the crowd reaction.

Maybe it's both.

Maybe it's Maybelline