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Guppy Parsh · (07-08-2017)

~Act II~

[July 3rd]

"So do you have any 4th of July plans? That's the day we got our freedom from my tag team partner!"

"No offense Batman, but it's getting late. I appreciate you taking time out of your day to make sure I didn't get banned from Facebook, but I'm getting tired, and the countless women getting raped right now would probably prefer if you didn't stay here chatting."

"Oh okay, keep in touch!"

"Hold on, I can't do that without a phone number, or a Skype username."

"Good point, well, then I'll be the one keeping in touch. Goodnight Drew!"

"Goodnight."

The red light he noticed before flickered out. His iPhone beeped at the arrival of a text message.

"What happened to the Facebook page?"

"I deleted it. I will explain in person," texted Drew. Then he took to Skype, "Sean, I've been wanting to tell you something for a long time. I can't tell you here. This is something we must do face to face, so I can finally be at peace."

[Meanwhile, 10 Minutes Later]

The scene opens to a closed yellow door and voices can be heard inside.

"Oh come on, Sean, not inside me! Not again!"

"You can't get pregnant from your butt, it's fine."

After another moment or two, Sean exits the room and enters the scene wearing only a thong and nipple pasties.

"Women, gotta fuck them and shit," he says aloud to himself, before entering another door, a pink one.

Inside he has comic books, a globe (fucking spherecuck), a fan running, a South Park chess set complete with Big Gay Al as the queen, and much more importantly his Skype open on his desktop.

"Sean, I've been wanting to tell you something for a long time. I can't tell you here. This is something we must do face to face, so I can finally be at peace."

"ur a

too?" types Sean, before deleting it. He can't bring himself to address that elephant, not to Drew. He came out as gay to his parents...bi to his sister...but Drew didn't know.

"ok sounds good, park at 3, you know which one, thats when the hot chicks get out of school" Sean sighs with relief as he presses send.

"nvrmind its summer lol"

~Act III~

[Unlizclosed Locazard: Thomas Nixon's Super Secret Lair: July 4th]

The scene opens to Guppy Parsh in his Batsuit looking around a lavish sci-ency place. There are buttons and levers all over the place. He goes to press a button, but a really hot woman wearing a lab coat and goggles hisses at him.

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Mr. Nixon will be right with you, don't touch any levers or buttons, it will just be a second." The woman's seducing glare was enough to keep the seducing buttons' cries to push them out of Guppy's mind.

"You're very pretty."

"Who are you talking to?" calls Nixon, a few feet behind him.

"Your assistant."

Nixon shakes his head and sighs, he had a feeling he might be the one to break it to him. When Elder Lizard Scales V. Lizington started saying the radio was talking to him while it was turned off no one said they could hear it too. Now it was his turn to do the right thing lizard thing AMERICAN thing, and refuse to play along with his delusion, like he was raised to do.

"That's a mannequin."

Assuming that "mannequin" is just what Lizard women are called, and they must be considered lower than men in this patriarchal society if Nixon is confused about why he's speaking to one, Guppy nods and decides to play along.

"My mistake, I realize now that mannequins are below me and below you."

"Yes, of course they are. Only crazy people talk to mannequins, Batman."

Guppy lets out a loud fake laugh. "Of course! I was merely humoring that thing." Guppy winks at the 'mannequin', "Will it be leaving us?"

Nixon shakes his head, "No, it will stand there, holding my lab coat and my goggles for me. Like it always does."

Guppy nods, and hopes she isn't a sex-slave and is only a clothes-holding-by-wearing-them slave.

"When you contacted me you said this was urgent."

"Scully seems really sad and depressed, and as a former doctor I know that giving him drugs will solve all his problems. Is there any way you could convince Brock's supplier to sell me some steroids?"

"Dude, Brock doesn't use steroids."

"Then how did he beat Mike Rotch?"

"That was Mark Hunt, he fought the other Brock Lesnar, and that guy is always saying someone cheated. Guppy...Batman, you've helped me out whenever I needed you and I'm more than willing to return the favor, but I can't promise you someone else's services if they don't exist."

"You're willing to help me with anything?"

"That's what friends are for."

"My throat is very parched, and dry, do you have chocolate milk?"

"Yeah, I'll get someone on that," Nixon reaches for his intercom.

"No, I mean can you personally leave the room and make chocolate milk for me?"

"Why?"

"I don't trust lizards to make a man chocolate milk."

"Lizards taught me how to make chocolate milk, Guppy."

"I'd just feel more comfortable if you made it. You're less likely to roofie me."

"Fine, don't press any buttons or pull any levers while I'm gone."

Thomas Nixon leaves the room, giving Guppy the perfect opportunity to search for Brock's steroids. Nixon had to be hiding them somewhere, but Guppy wondered why he'd be hiding them. He sounded genuine when he said he'd do anything to help, but a part of Guppy felt like Brock's steroids were being withheld from him because Nixon knew they might cross paths in this tournament and he'd need any advantage he could have over Batman. With equal preparation time Batman can beat Superman, which means Batman can beat anyone (even Goku). Then Guppy starts thinking about if he could beat Pinkie Pie or Deadpool; he'd have to watch that Death Battle later for researching purposes.

While that pointless train of thought rolls down the track, Batman happens upon a formula inside a beaker and a syringe. A smile appears on his face, "These must be them!" thinks Guppy as he dips the syringe into the beaker and fills it. "I'm the funkbuster!"

Guppy turns to the lesser lizard, or 'mannequin' with a tear in his eye. "Don't let Nixon know I have this, and I promise I will fight for the equality of all lizards, not just the men."

"Your secret is safe with me."

Guppy finds a safe place on his person for the syringe, and secures it, as Nixon returns with his milk.

"Here you go," says Nixon, handing off the cool beverage, "Did you think of a way I could help you while I was gone?"

Guppy sips it, lizards definitely taught this guy how to make chocolate milk, "No, I haven't. This is embarrassing."

"What do you mean?"

"I came here to ask you for a huge favor, but I ended up talking to your furniture, casting aspersions about your tag partner's legitimacy, and insulting your servant's ability to make chocolate milk. I've acted like a real butt head today. I'm sorry. My ignorance must have aggressed you in some way, even if it was microscopic. So please take your best shot."

Guppy sets the chocolate milk down so it doesn't spill, and holds his arms behind his back; he knows full well that his actions deserved to be met with macro-aggression.

"I'm not going to hit you."

"Then I'll settle for leaving empty handed and I won't ask for your help again until I can do it respectfully."

"I want to help you."

"Then you can fly me back to Miami; I have business there that still needs to be taken care of."

Nixon nods, and Guppy finishes his chocolate milk as the scene fades away.

~Act IV~

[Park, July 4th, 3:00 PM]

Sean looks around at the young girls and boys playing with their parents on this day of Independence. He sniffs the air. It smells like hotdogs and water. The children of both sexes are so cute; Sean sits down so his erection is less noticeable.

Drew arrives two minutes late, looking fancy in a button up shirt, wow, you'd think he took his promise to Batman very seriously if it wasn't this button up shirt.
[Image: nFwJHShm.jpg]

Drew takes a seat next to his pal, "Good to see you, Sean"

"Likewise," breathes Sean, "What is this about?"

"Batman knows what we're trying to do. He's onto us. He let me know that democrats run Facebook and wouldn't tolerate a joke hate group, because they've run so many real hate groups that they are ashamed of and feel guilty about."

"Did you tell him it was just a joke?"

"Yes, but he's the world's greatest detective. He'll find out sooner or later. Remember when I sent you that message encouraging you to rape hot

before you kill them?"

"Yeah, that was funny."

"It was until Batman showed up, then it was fucking horrendous. I thought he was going to kill me for it. Say "Thanks for playing psychiatrist, but there is no such thing as a rape joke" and then cut my fucking arms off and leave me to die!"

"You don't deserve to die for saying the truth.

are the ones who deserve to die for not being aborted."

"Physical deformities, mental abnormalities, and

, all should've been aborted. It would have spared their parents the grief if they died while they were just a bunch of cells. Now that the birth canal has granted these freaks person-hood and disgraced our species, they need my knife silting their needy little throats. I'll do what their parents were too lazy, too traditional, too smug, too selfish, and were too stupid to do themselves."

"And I'll rape the ones that are good-looking."

"See that boy in the yellow shirt, sniffing those flowers. Is that a

or a he-she?"

"Cou-,"

"The truth is, it doesn't matter which. Both are mental abnormalities of the worst kind and need to be dealt with swiftly, painfully, and immediately. You think the doctor assigned you the wrong gender? Well how about I assign you a kick to that dick you're so ashamed of and a curb stomp to knock your brain back in order."

Drew laughs.

"Do you want to sword-fight, kid? How about I shove my katana into your loose asshole and slice you to bits from the inside."

While Drew described how he'd kill trans women and gays, Sean realized for the first time that Drew was a homophobe (a transphobe too, but everyone should be. They're most famous for raping people in bathrooms). He always politely nodded while Drew gave his secular arguments against gay marriage, and thought that was as far as it went. To make an over 15 years old US reality television reference, he knew he'd never be the Bunky to Drew's Greg, but now he wasn't even sure if he could be the Bunky to Drew's Kent.

"So this Batman news is recent, what were you going to tell me that you wanted to tell me for a long time?"

"That was it, I said that to throw off Batman. From now on when we're speaking of achieving peace by killing

we will have to do that in person, because Batman knows where I live and him or his butler could be spying on me."

"Oh," says Sean, disappointed that this wasn't a very strange and round-about way of coming out of the closet.

"Now back to the matter at hand. Don't get me wrong, if that flower sniffing biology denying

actually thought that he was a straight boy and just liked to sniff flowers then I'd be fine with him. I'd love him platonically for it, just don't let a religious person find out or they'll stuff him full of cock thinking they finally found a boy who'll accept their lust. The kid-touching clergy are a special kind of

. The funny thing is they think they'll get away with it because they're so close to God. I'll burn those fuckers alive, and if their God is as principled as I am he'd make them burn for an eternity after their merely ashes on our fucking plane."

Sean had lost that erection by now, but he still feels shame for even having it in the first place.

"

, and by extension homos, trannys, and pedos, all are going to get what's coming to them and there's nothing Team

2.0 can do to stop us. We just have to keep our cards close to our chest and not fuck this up."

Sean can't bring himself to look his friend in the eyes. His boner for those kids and homosexual tendencies weigh heavily on his abnormal and shameful mind. He never told Drew, and now he never will.

"It's not

to fuck my sister, right?" asks Sean.

"No dude, your sister is hot. Just abort whatever you put in there. Your kid could end up with fucked up thumbs."

Sean smiles, at least he was free to live that part of his life in Drew's free and peaceful utopia. Later that night Drew's single mother and Sean's sister join them for fireworks. Before bed, Drew sharpens his katana and Sean butt rocks his sister; they both rest their heads dreaming of a perfect world.

Guppy fin.

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