Outside a dang ol’ trailer, we see Nate Higgers, American Hero and multiple-time XWF Federweight Champion standing in some shrubs. Them bushes is rustlin’ and that sumbitch’s standin’ there with his acid wash jorts stretched down between his knees.

Luckily for all of us, Nate wears XXXL beaters, and they tend to hang low. That keeps his pale ass covered while he stands there but it don’t explain just what the fuck is happenin’ until we see that Nate ain’t takin’ a piss. And he ain’t outside his own trailer, neither.

“Oh damn baby just like ‘at…”

This motherfucker is pullin’ his pud right out in the open in front of God an ever’one!

Jesus Christ, Nate, get your shit together, son! You lucky this is rural Texas and it ain’t some SJW neighborhood fulla “independent” women with their “intersectional feminism” and shit like ‘at. Even so, yuns is lucky y’aint behind bars already, swingin’ that USDA beef around where ever’one can see it. Wonder what’s got him so horned up anyways?

Oh, fuck, I get it now. See up in ‘at window? Nate’s checkin’ out the local scenery again. Now, y’all ain’t heard this from me, but Nate’s got him a neighbor down a mile or three from his house. Old fella. Veteran. Republican. He musta been in ‘Nam or maybe even KO-rea, I ain’t sure, but he’s old enough either way. Thing is he done went and spent all his money on importin’ him an Asian wife. Guess he got hooked on that yellow poon when he was over there. Figures. Shit like MSG tastes so good but it never leaves you fulfilled.

Anywho.

Long story short, Nate’s been eyeballin’ that Panda Express for a bit now, and I guess he’s taken the next step and decided to just go ahead and toss a load outside her window while she’s in there cookin’ or cleanin’ or whatnot. Now I reckon Nate’s smart enough to’a made sure the Ol’ Man ain’t around. Let’s take a look.

Yep. Fucker’s passed out in an easy chair while Miko or Yumi or Fuki Suki or whatever the fuck she’s called is walkin’ around dang near butt nekkid. She gots her bra’n panties on, stretchin’ out and doin’ yoga or some shit. Good god, I might have to take a tug on myself too.

Hold up, y’all. Nate’s poppin’ off at the mouth while gets the job done on himself. Fella just cain’t ever be in a good mood, I guess.

“That’s right, girl. Bend and squeeze for ol’ Nate-Nate. Bend and squeeze. Got damn, baby, I’d love to cover that pale yella ass up with some wasabi and just suck the ginger out from between them toes.

Yeah girl. Damn, you look like a young Taylor Swift if she was lookin’ up into the sun. You ain’t quite Juni, but you’re close enough that I think I can bust this here nut anyways. Soon, too… I’m throbbin’ harder’n a tuning fork which gots pulled out of Jim Caedus’ anus and got rung by every ben-wa ball and anal beead along the way. Only thing makes me harder’n a fuckhole that cain’t talk back is whippin’ ass… I bet if I think about the beatin’ I’m fixin’ to dole out on Jimmy Caedus this weekend it’ll be like that little fish finger slippin’ up into my bunghole and playin’ my prostate like Charlie Daniels fiddlin’ Devil Went Down To Georgia. Ol’ Jimmy C. ain’t got no idear what’s about to befall him on Savage. I’m gon’ whale on him with a force a hundred times my ballsack hittin Hanoi Jane in the cooter over here.

Chump-ass Caedus thinks he’s hot shit now ‘at he’s got the big belt, but this ’s got more Herbal Essence in his hair than he’s got meat in his pants, know what I mean? I bet when he yanks down his dirty drawers there’s a hollow suckin’ sound like tryin’ to pull a bedsheet out a vacuum. That ’s asshole is a top earner on Craigslist, what with it bein’ able to take in an entire family size Hellman’s Mayonnaise jar from Sam’s Club. That is, when you can tell which side of him gots the asshole in the first place. “Back Alley Jim,” like the California johns call him, is so got damn ugly that when he goes to the beach stray cats try to bury him. Well listen up, Stretch-throat, yuns about to get buried again, only this time by one Nathan T. Higgers. I ain’t even give a damn ‘bout this match bein’ non-title, I’m just happy I get to slam my steel-toes into that jellyfish of a farthole. That way next time Jimmy’s chillin’ down in West Hollywood with a mouthful of boiled sausage like Slimer in the original Ghostbusters – not that feminist remake, thank you very much – he can remember it was Nat Higgers who improved his stock in the world of Behind-the-Dumpster Hummers by kickin’ all his dang teeth out.

Then, after I beat that worthless ass on national TV, maybe Juni Jap will finally notice me and get down on them knobby knees for a mouth of manwich. God bless that yellow queen, I just need to get me a front row seat at that buffet… oh shit!”

And just like ‘at, before Nate could grab up his britches and cover up his shame, that little chinagirl done run outside and gave him a mouthful of foot that’s probably earn a pretty penny in a fetish club.





Goodnight, Nate. Least you came all over yourself ‘afore Charlie there took you out.

PIN