Threaded Mode | Linear Mode

~~Frodo mother fucking Smackins~~ · **07-18-2014, 10:18 PM**

Frodo was out shopping with Sarah for a ring for her, since in his sudden proposal he hadn't actually planned anything, or got a ring. As a matter of fact, until she tripled herself, he wasn't sure he wanted to marry her. She was gorgeous, fun, and the sex was amazing, but she did have an iPhone, and we know how Frodo handles that shit. If not, a clue, not well. He violently attacked Joseph-Gordon because JG wanted an iPhone 5. Anyway, so Frodo is in a jewelry store when he sees a really muscular security guard. The Hobbit King rushes over to try and make friends with him.

"Hey, come on big man. Help me out. I need you to play tug of war with me. C'mon."

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to not threaten me. I will mace you. Go back with your girlfriend, and find her a ring. We have a lovely selection."

"Man, I ain't trying to threaten you. I'm a wrestler in the XWF, and I have a match this week where I have to play Tug of War. I need to win. Can't you help me out? I'm a hometown hero."

"Sir, please just go shop with your girlfriend, and go enjoy some Fancy Feast."

Frodo looks disheartened and walks to Sarah. They decide to have one custom made for Sarah. It's one with a triangle shaped diamond in the center, and pink gems on the sides. Instead of being yellow gold or white gold, it's actually Chrome and Yellow Gold crossed. Seriously, it's very lovely. Sarah thought it was the prettiest thing she had ever owned. Which is probably true, she did live in Grayling, which was a shitty town. Fuck Grayling, Michigan. Fuck it hard, right in its stupid hillbilly no Wi-Fi having ass.

"Oh, Babe, I love it. And you. I'm so glad I agreed to marry you. I told my mom and she wants to meet us for lunch. Come on, let's go!"

Frodo paid for her ring, and they headed off, her ring would be finished in a few days. They met her outside McCool's where she was using Sarah's dad's truck, a 2014 Ford F-650. 360 Horse Power, 800 FT lbs of torque. This was a beast of a truck. Mother fucker can tow sky scraper down. Frodo had a great idea. He was going to play Tug of War with this truck, and win.

"Hey, Sweetie. Is this your new fiance? Hi, Fred. I'm Susanne."

"Hi, can I play Tug-of-war with your truck?"

"Hahaha. He's just kidding, mom. Freddie, come on inside and be normal."

"No, I think he's serious. You want to play tug of war with my truck? Let's do that shit."

She ran to the cab of her truck and pulled out a rope and tied it around the bumper and handed Frodo the other end. He tied it around his waist and stepped back, having Sarah draw a line on the road with some sidewalk chalk that he made her carry. Apparently he used to draw sidewalk chalk versions of himself and and leave them with chalk penises. Because he's a mature adult. Anyway, she drew the line like she was asked, and stepped back.

Susanne sat in the truck, and revved the engine. Sarah stood where she could be seen and raised her arm up, waiting for Frodo to gesture he was ready. He gripped the rope tightly and found firm footing, yay alliteration, then nodded his head. Sarah dropped her arm, and Susanne took off. Unbeknownst to her, her husband had got into an accident and knocked the bumper off. Then he put it on very loosely hoping it'd fall off on Susanne so he could blame her. As soon as she drove off the bumper flew off, and Frodo easily pulled it over the line. He began to jump up and down in victory.

Susanne stopped the car, turned it off, and ran out to check if Frodo was ok, since she pulled away too easily.

"FRED?! Did I kill you? Now you'll never make my girl an honest one. Her poor rumpled linens. Never to be legitimized. FOR SHAME!"

"Mother in law, suck my asshole. I won."

"What? I will not. And you did not."

Frodo pointed to the bumper.

"Yep. I'm the winner, your car's bumper crossed the line, that means I won. Yay me."

Frodo began to dance around with the bumper still tied to him, while Sarah just face palmed.

"Seriously, Fred? That's how you introduce yourself to my mother? Wow. We're not not off to a great sight."

"Good job, Frodo. You won. Now I have to fix my bumper, goddamn Xavier. He probably did this shit to me."

"Fuck it, I'll pay for it. I make enough money. Let's go eat Lunch."

Fade to lunch.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Tug of War and new families.
Author	Message