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JonPlex · (04-25-2014)

When we last left our hero, Jon Plex, he was in search of sushi after causing chaos inside a Japanese nail salon. He was preparing for his European title match at Madness, but couldn’t forget about his next bout on Warfare. He was slated in a tag team match against The Senator and Vellore Brommer. Who was his tag team partner you might ask? Well Plex is currently bitching about that as we speak.

Jon Plex
This is like some PMS riddled nightmare!

Todd Vincent
I don’t really see what the big deal is Jon.

Jon Plex
This big deal!? How about the fact that I have to first compete in a tag team match which I do not do! I’m not saying I can’t co-exist with someone in the ring, but it’s just not my M.O. More importantly, my tag team partner is a GIRL!

Todd Vincent
Oh for fuck’s sake! This again!? First you have a problem wrestling a girl and now you have a problem partnering up with one!? Grow up!

Jon Plex
Look, you can call me sexist till you’re blue in the face, but it won’t change how I feel. The ladies here in XWF, for the most part, are nice to look at. Their pictures get me by on some of these lonely nights traveling, I’ll admit that.

Todd Vincent
Is that where all my moisturizer is going!?

Jon Plex
Calm down prissy! Your soft and supple hands are the least of my concerns right now.

Todd Vincent
Well then enlighten me! What do you intend on doing for Warfare? Like it or not you’ll have to be Leda Coma’s partner.

Jon Plex
I’m still working on something. Thankfully the match isn’t till Wednesday so that gives me plenty of time to come up with an alternative solution.

Todd Vincent
I just don’t see why you can’t man up and do the match as is. I’m telling you, these XWF women superstars are no push over.

Jon Plex
If you love them so goddamn much, why don’t you go join the bra burners you white knight bastard!?

Todd Vincent
I’m not trying to “defend” them, I just don’t see any sense in berating them because they are women.

Jon Plex
I guess we should just all get together and watch “The Notebook” and paint each other’s freakin’ toe nails or some other sleepover shit huh? I know… let’s wax each other’s nether regions while we are at it! Bikini season is just around the corner!

Todd Vincent
Do you hear how crazy you sound right now?

Jon Plex
Oh you haven’t seen crazy yet Todd! I’m telling you, I’ve seen this shit before! If we don’t take a stand against what is happening… I’m afraid we are doomed.

Todd Vincent
It’s just one match!

Jon Plex
Yeah, I’ll remind you about that “one match” when we’re the ones in the kitchen making sandwiches and the women are in control! It’s a hostile takeover I say! You might not see it… the rest of the XWF might not see it because the vast majority of them have never even been with a women so their judgement is clouded. I see it Todd! These women, they are wily and I don’t mean coyote!

Todd Vincent
I refuse to even respond to such a ludicrous theory! You need to settle down, take a breath, and get past this insane notion of yours.

Jon Plex
Have you even SEEN “Mean Girls?” DTAB Todd… don’t trust any bitch!

Todd Vincent
Are you going to spend all day trying to convince me about a phony, behind the scenes collusion of women or can we worry about the real issue?

Jon Plex
Tampons on every damn street corner I tell you!

Todd Vincent
Regardless of your feelings, the fact remains that The Senator and Vellore Brommer will not care about your grievances with Leda. They will be after one thing and that’s a victory. If you can’t set aside this petty issue, then you are in for a world of hurt buddy.

Jon Plex
You think I’m the least bit worried about those two? One guy looks like a casting call reject from “The Karate Kid” and probably doesn’t speak the English very well. The other guy is just a joke. John Samuels if I recall correctly is his name. What.. another washed up old XWF’er who hasn’t come to terms with retirement yet? He’s just dumb enough to linger around and tarnish any credibility his past had earned him. I suppose it’s fitting that he brandishes himself a big ole cowboy hat. It’s symbolic of a time long past and long forgotten. A beautiful metaphor if you ask me. I’m the means to end, more specifically people like Samuels end. These geriatric old superstars of the XWF need to learn that I won’t be awestruck by their achievements. I won’t respect their legacies. They are dust in the wind. It’s almost more annoying to listen to their war stories than it is to listen to you cry equal rights for the women of XWF.

Todd Vincent
Just drop it! You refuse to listen to reason or even consider my stance so I’m done with the whole thing. You do what you want and we’ll just see how it plays out.

Jon Plex
Yes we shall!

Todd Vincent
Where the hell is our sushi? We ordered it like 15 minutes ago! It’s not like they have to cook it.

Jon Plex
Brommer is probably in the kitchen. I mean he is one of them.

Todd Vincent
You know, you are starting to come off a little racist to go along with your sexism.

Jon Plex
I’m sorry if I point out the obvious. I’m far from a racist. What I meant was, after watching his promos last week, it would make sense for him to be in the kitchen making our order. He seemed a little slow, hence the wait time we are experiencing now.

Todd Vincent
Remember that time you wouldn’t listen to reason, which basically could be any time during your life, and just had to eat that gas station sushi?

Jon Plex
Oh my that was a fun trip!

Todd Vincent
Fun trip my ass! Thanks to that rare care of food poisoning, it took me almost a week to convince you that we were not part of the Matrix.

Jon Plex
I still have my doubts!

Todd Vincent
Keanu Reeves still has a restraining order on you!

Jon Plex
A small price to pay for freedom from the machines Todd!

Todd Vincent
Will there ever be a day go by where you aren’t part of some crazy scheme or divulged in some insane belief?

Jon Plex
I’m not a betting man, but I’d say don’t count your chickens! I mean literally, you have way too many… it would take days!

Todd Vincent
I love my chicken farms, they bring me peace.

Jon Plex
Yeah, 10 piece and side!

Todd Vincent
All for under five bucks! Compete with that Colonel!

Colonel Sanders
I’ll be damned if my runaway slave secret recipe of herbs and spices, all white meat chicken falls to your subpar chicken shit!

Todd Vincent
Those are fighting words fat man!

Colonel Sanders
Bring it on soft hands!

Todd Vincent
Ahhhhhhh!

For no reason what-so-ever, Todd and Colonel Sanders begin fighting inside this sushi restaurant. Plex meanwhile enjoys his sushi which has finally arrived and feminist groups across the globe began mobilizing to launch a campaign against the XWF. Never a dull moment in the life of Jon Plex and still plenty to come! Until we meet again, all hail Plex!

#moreplexplease

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