“Look at that! I think you’re under the manboy’s skin! He didn’t even talk about wiggling bagels, or whatever the fuck that gibberish was.”

“Put your mask back on.”

“FUCK YOU, DISEMBODIED VOICE! YOU DON’T KNOW ME!”

The scene opens to a crackling fire in the middle of the darkness. Titan is perched upon a large log, staring intently into the fire. His female accomplice is seated in the dirt next to him, her face once again covered by her long, dark hair. She prods at the fire with a a long stick, an impaled animal roasting at the end of it. Occasionally she peers up to laugh at the nearby camper, throwing rocks at the television facing the window.

“Look at his tiny little mouth ramble! Apparently he’s angry because you keep bringing up his sexuality, but as far as I can remember, you didn’t say shit back there about where he likes to stick his little underwhelmer. Are you annoyed yet? Think about it, of all the fucking people you could be wrestling this Monday, you’re stuck with this little whose insults are stuck on repeat. Hell, you could be fighting Caliban, or Shadows or Barney Green’s bloated corpse… y’know, someone that people might actually care about. Instead, here you are fielding half-assed, boring insults from a child who probably still needs to use a booster seat. Look, Big Red, I get it, he was talking shit like the boring little bitch that he is, groveling to that pompous asshole Theo, but did you really need to escalate matters? Couldn’t you have just stuck a flaming bag of shit at the door of whatever flea-infested trailer he lives at? Ordered a hundred pizzas and had them delivered to him or something?”

“The words from the diminutive laughingstock lack the barbs to scathe us. Our retaliation was nothing more than a message to the XWF, a message that the new face of destruction has arrived. This child is nothing more than a starving fly, desperately buzzing about looking for a meal. And like the annoying insect he is, we will squash him. Look at his words. With every passing day, they become less and less coherent, yet monumentally more laughable. Does the child actually believe that sitting in front of a camera and uttering nonsense is entertainment? More concerning, is that it thinks we have entertainment on our mind. We do not entertain, we destroy.”

“Uhm… excuse, me…”

A voice from across the fire chirps in.

“UMM EXCUSE ME!?”

The woman snaps her head to the side and jumps to her feet. The camera moves over her shoulder, revealing a middle-aged couple seated next to the fire, their hands and feet bound in front of them. As Titan’s accomplice approaches, the middle-aged woman cries out and falls backward.

“I’m sorry, did you need something!? Are you deaf? Didn’t you hear Big Red talking over here? Am I asking too many questions for your simple minds to handle? I should have Big Red come over here and make asshole-kebabs out of you!”

“L-l-look, there’s no need for all of that. As far as we’re concerned, we haven’t seen a thing. And if anyone asks we’ll just say that we ran into a group of black thugs and they stole our camper. We won’t say a word about you two, we promise.”

“Why do they have to be black!? What are you, some kind of racist? You should be fucking ashamed of yourself, you bigot. I’m taking kebabs off the table, I hate the taste of intolerance. I’ll just have Big Red cut off your skin and I’ll use it as toilet papers once that squirrel meat starts to head down the dirt road, if ya catch my drift.”

“We--we have toilet paper in the camper”

“Shut your goddamn hole, Hitler! The only thing I can’t stand more than intolerant people is Frodo, that stupid little fa--HEY!”

The woman jumps up and giggles as she runs to the camper. She places her ear next to the window closest to the television and begins to cackle maniacally.

“Hey Big Red! He, uh, he wants to know if you’re gay! Are ya? Are ya a big ol’ softy?”

Titan’s head falls to his chest, and begins to shake slowly. He throws his head back and a loud groan escapes from behind his mask.

“No.”

“No? I fucking knew it. Well, there goes any argument that the little bitch thought he had. What’s he gonna do now? Insult you about your mask being too tight? Oh yeah, he did that. Ummmm… Oh! Maybe he’ll start making fun of your shoes being too big! Or that you don’t use the right type of toothpaste. Who knows with this guy? Not like his shit is going to make any sense anyway. Maybe he’ll stop huffing glue long enough to admit that he’s in way over his fucking head on Monday? In what fucking world does a midget fuck like him even think that being locked in a cage, with weapons, against a guy twice his size is a good idea? Does he even realize that you beat the King of the XWF for that piece of shit Ark championship? Hell, Eli James had to cheat to get the belt of off you.”

“The small one has no concept of the world beyond five feet from the ground. He will continue to make asinine claims and assumptions while seated on his couch, diluting what little left he has rolling around in that skull of his by filling it with pointless television and bad movies. If that’s the path he chooses, then so be it. We will be amused when he cries and whines like the child he is when he loses Monday night, as if he thought he stood a chance in the first place. From the moment we stepped into the XWF, Frodo moved down the ladder the relevance and he appears to be the only one who has yet to figure it out. He believes Gilmour could beat us, yet he lost to him last week--a breakdown in logic to say the least. Has this what his insults have degraded to? It would do him no good at this point to attempt to follow in Gilmour’s steps, as he cannot run away from us. We will find him, and we will make an example of him.”

“You know, Big Red, maybe we should take this rolling shit house. I’ve been having trouble sleeping since I stopped having to carry that sharpened toothbrush in my lady regions. With this television here, I can just watch Frodo’s next boring ass attempt to talk shit to you when I need to get in a little nappy-nap. Whaddya say big fella? I’ll even let you drive!”

“And them?”

“Fuck them! Racist Ku Fucks Klan pieces of shit! We should lynch them!”

“No. We will save our violence for when it is necessary. Monday night, at Nero’s Games.”

“You are a big softy, aren’t ya? Fine. We’ll just leave them here, somebody is sure to find them. Now can we hit the road, Jack? All that talking about that midget reminded me that I need to take a big, steamy shit."

The pair enter the camper and pull away. The couple sobs next to the fire for a moment before being cut off by the distant howl of a wolf.

“Oh fuck.”

The camera cuts inside the camper, Titan at the helm. The woman is seated in the toilet’s camper, grunting, and the camera zooms in on her face. She’s fidgeting with her Titan mask before realizes the camera’s presence.

“How was that for you, smallfry? Was that better? We just went that whole time without Titan mentioning that you’re a disgusting, hell-bound, immoral, cocksucking, possible cross dressing, Ricky Martin listening, Boy George looking, Perez Hilton loving, butt-dart playing .”

The woman scratches her head and shrugs.

“Whoops.”

She reaches up and pulls the Titan mask over her face and begins to mumble. She sighs and lifts the mask halfway up her face.

“Man these fucking things really are tight. What I meant to say was:

We.
Are.
Titan.”

The scene fades to the woman’s shrieking cackle.

1X - GOAT.