Next on the hit list, Alex Richards. You know...that one guy?

Isn't kinda odd for you to be doing this? I mean, you normally dictate the game.

Why should you be the only one to have any fun?

OK, fine. Now, we have much more footage and promos from Richards.

Sounds like a lot of work, but then again you said there was more on Richards then Austin.

The only thing you can find of less then Austin footage is how many times he's had sex with a woman...now if your talking about guys...

OK OK, lets just get started. What's up first?

It's his most recent match from High Stakes. It was a triple threat match with World 1 and Mike Cross.

OK, play the match.

I proceed to pull up the match on Kyle's laptop. It doesn't take long to locate and I play the match. Kyle looks on intently, studying it with his observant gaze and great attention to detail. After about 10 or so minutes, the video comes to a conclusion, with Richards as the victor. After a few moments to let the match sink in, I turn to Kyle with a football lineman's stance.

Ready?

Ready.

NO KYLE...ARE.....YOU.....READYYYYYYY!!!!!

Kyle jumps to his feet, pointing to the sky with both hands motioning up and down as he spoke...

YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!

OK. Point one?

Took the initiative and started the match.

Point two?

Wasn't afraid to get his hands dirty and take a beating from two guys at once.

Point three?

It's constant action, no breathing room in that match. Richards was consistent the entire match.

Point four?

Richards is a mat specialist. He was able to counter and cause so much damage.

I begin to get slightly irritated with Kyle. As I said before, he's being impartial right now. Although, he's making Richards sound like some amazing wrestler. Then again, we just finished watching crap before we started watching Richards' match. So I guess he's just happy to see some actual skill in the ring.

Point five?

Richards picks up the win, with authority!

OK, so how many points would that be?

Five by my count.

OK, now that it's more then apparent you have a man-crush on Alex, we will head to the lightning round!

Oh, I love this round! I get to enhance your vocabulary!

Oh boy! I get to point out how much of a prick you are!

Both myself and Kyle look at each other with a stare. One of those stares you give another person when you want to smack them, but you can't.

FUCK YEAH! FUCK YEAH!

So what match do I get to watch for the lightning round?

An older match from a previous Madness, Richards vs his former partner Justin Vipe.

Ohh...sounds like fun. Play it!

I turn back to Kyle's laptop and scroll through the videos. I finally come across the Viewer's Choice Madness episode. I start up the videos and fast forward to Richards' match. After a few mere minutes, I stand up and walk towards the white board. After wiping away the info from Austin's evaluation, I prepare to go over Richards.

Alright, time for the lightning round. This will be about as fast as lightning I think.

Probably, let's go.

Double axehandle to the head of VIpe.

Upper-hand. He took complete advantage of the falls count anywhere stipulation and blindsided Vipe in his dressing room.

You got served through a table covered in electronic equipment.

Crazy. For all he knows, my iPad could have been on that table.

Right...Alex Richards just dropped Justin Vipe with the fall from grace.

Expected. Vipe lost that match for them by the way.

Alright. That's the end of the lightning round. You get negative five points.

What the hell? Why negative five?

Oh I don't know, cause I'm biased.

OK OK, I see where this is going. That's cool, I'll have this in the final round.

Alright, you have the floor then.

I proceed to sit back down onto the couch as Kyle rises. Kyle walks over to the white board and grabs his marker. He stands there thinking about everything he has already seen. Then, as if a light bulb has flickered on in his head, he spins around and writes violently on the board. He then turns around and sidesteps from the board...

Unappreciated? Fuck that!

Why is that?

Why? You think he isn't getting any props for his work?

Well no. He has shown he should get more chances at the main event.

I think your being way too lopsided on this. I mean, do you honestly think that this guy could really have a chance?

Kyle turns towards the white board and wipes away the text he had previously wrote. He then proceeds to write a number clear on the board.

I think that's a little more accurate. I want to make sure, this is your final score your giving me right?

Yep. So how's next for us to tear apart? I think you said Nightmare right?

Yeah, I think he would get a better final score then Richards.

As we get ready for our final series of rounds, I get up and walk towards the white board. I take the eraser to the board and wipe away the the number five from the board.

Reasons I'm Better Then You

2x UFO Champion
Highest Viewed Shove It GM Show: 8/31/13