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Cadryn Tiberius · **03-03-2017, 10:48 PM**

Tribulation..

As the smoke blackens my lungs, I'm forced to think of days past. My dad was never around. My mom always told me it was because he was out doing his best to make ends meet, and to provide for us. Truth be told I never believed her. I always just assumed that he was with another woman, more so another family. Of course, I never told my mother this. Pending it were actually true, it would break her heart. So, as a young man I learned very quickly that things in life are never handed to you. If you want something, you're forced to work for it. I taught myself how to play sports. I was a huge fan of baseball, albeit, I wasn't all that good. But every summer I joined the local little league team, and I played my heart out. My parents didn't have the luxury of having a car, so I generally relied on my extended family to take me to my games. A lot of the time, my brother's or sisters would stay and watch me play, but most of the time I played for the pleasure of competition, or for the viewing pleasure of other children's parents. It never really bothered me at the time, I knew that my mom loved me, and that if she was able she'd be there. But, that's neither here nor there.

What my trials and tribulations have taught me over the years is that if you want something, you must work hard for it, and you must be the best. I always go for number one and not a top five finish, and that's the truth. I'll never settle for less than the best in myself, and Lethal Lottery is no exception. This round is inevitably going to end in heartache. My best friend, my confidante, my demonic Adonis, Michael Graves, is in the opposite corner this round. Teaming with none other than his previous round partner, Peter “It's obvious I've been carried my entire career" Gilmour. This breaks my heart, more than I can convey in words. It pains me to know that he will not be going on to the next round, and that I will be forced once again to team with another member of our roster. It isn't an overabundance of confidence in myself that brings me to this conclusion, but the simple fact that our records speak for themselves. I love my Gravy, and I will not slander him. But what I will not do, is allow him, or Douchebag Mcfucklepuff to win this match. I must move forward, I've come this far, and by God, I will not stop until I reach the top.

Friday March 3rd 2017

In a disheveled state, we find Cadryn in bed beside of his beautiful girlfriend Natalie. The two of them are in Morgantown, WV, Cadryn's hometown. It seems as though Natalie had vacated her residency in California and flown back to WV to be with Cadryn. As the camera focus becomes more clear, we find Natalie and Cadryn conversing.

Natalie: Babe, you know I love you, but this is becoming more of a habit than what we had previously agreed..

Cadryn puckers his lips around a small, green, glass pipe. The pipe itself is in the shape of a lizard. Leeroy is etched into the side of the pipe. With the strike of a match, Natalie's fears quickly become realized. Cadryn begins taking hit after hit off of Leeroy. As the smoke thickens, the room becomes hazy, less inhabitable. Natalie stricken with anger and a hint of sadness exits the room.

Cadryn continues taking hit after hit, until the pipe itself has run dry. Cadryn places the pipe back into the nightstand placed beside of his bed. Cadryn stands up, naked, disheveled, and makes his way to the living room where Natalie is sitting alone. Tears adorn the cheek of our Cereal Princess. The feeling of remorse coats the room like a cheap paint. Cadryn sits down beside of her, placing an arm around her, seemingly trying to comfort her.

Cadryn: I know that'll you'll never truly understand why I have to do this. But for right now, Leeroy is a requirement. You saw the same broadcast I did. You know damn well what is about to happen. Why can't you just support me in this?

Natalie: I'll never support you throwing your life away for drugs, Cadryn. You're a wonderfully talented, beautiful, intelligent man. You don't need drugs for anything, why can't you see that?

Cadryn: I need this, just as much as I need your support right now. For Christ sakes, I have a match in a couple weeks against my best friend! Do you not understand how that makes me feel? How torn I am on the inside? Leeroy helps me to clear the demons from inside, and keep a level head about this entire situation.

An addict never admits to himself that he has a problem. As it stands, Cadryn can't even verbally admit to doing the drug, let alone admit any type of dependence.

Cadryn: You don't know what it's like to be me. To go through life without friends, without a single person to confide in. To have been molested at a young age, and to somehow be forced into believing it was my own fault. To be laughed at, to be ashamed, to be alone. Micheal Graves was the only person to ever come forward and willingly have anything to do with me. Amidst rumors about my sexuality, amidst a mental crisis he himself was having, against all odds he went above and beyond to make me feel welcome. To feel that I finally had a friend, to feel loved. And the moment the XWF found out about it, they forced themselves between us. It's fucking bullshit, Natalie.

Cadryn furiously kicks over the coffee table in the middle of the living room. Magazines, soda cans, and an ashtray full of cigarette butts go flying across the living room, scattering across the already filth stained carpet.

Natalie: Baby, calm down, you're scaring me…

Cadryn: You're fucking scared, bitch? You ever think that maybe I'm fucking scared? Nobody ever thinks about Cadryn. It's always about themselves, everybody is so goddamn selfish. You ever think to ask me if I'm fucking scared or if I'm fucking sad? All you ever do is blame me for your bad day, or for something I have no control over. You complain about being sad, and being miserable. Then fucking do something about it. I don't have time to play Dr. Phil. Just like you apparently don't have the goddamn time to ask me if I'm alright!

Cadryn stands up and storms out of the room and out the front door. Cadryn slams the door so hard that he shatters the glass pane in the door. Cadryn paces back and forth on the front porch, he pauses only to light up a Newport.

Cadryn: This is fucking bullshit.

“Calm down. It's not nearly as bad as you think.”

Cadryn: Who the fuck was that?!

Cadryn begins frantically searching, trying to figure out where this mysterious voice came from.

“Down here, buddy.”

Cadryn looks down, shocked by what he sees, he stumbles back a few feet.

Cadryn: What the hell?! You're supposed to be banished!

Below Cadryn stands a small, oddly shaped fellow. Best described as a pickled potato…

“Well, I'm obviously not banished, so scoot over, it's my turn.”

Suddenly the picked potato dashes behind Cadryn. He rips a hole in Cadryn's shorts and begins climbing up into his anal cavity.

Cadryn: AH! GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE!

Cadryn begins wiggling around, but can't seem to dislodge the potato shaped creature from his anal cavity. Deeper and deeper the creature burrows until he has finally made his way completely inside. Cadryn's eyes began glowing a fiery red color and he begins laughing maniacally.

Cadryn: MUAHAHAHAHAHA.

Cadryn abruptly stops laughing.

Cadryn: I'M A DEMON!

Yep. You guessed it. Satan Gravy somehow made it back from the Netherworld and has now possessed poor Cadryn.

Cadryn: Goddamnit, now I'm Satan Cady. A poor man's Satan Gravy. OH MY GOD..YOU’VE MADE ME A GENERIC VERSION OF SATAN GRAVY. YOU GET OUT OF THERE RIGHT NOW!

Satan Cady: No, sir. We have work to do. We both know you couldn't get the job done on your own against Graves, and I have a score to settle, so we both stand to gain something from this.

Cadryn: I HAVE A FUCKING PARTNER. HIS NAME IS BURONAN!

Satan Cady: Well, now you have two partners. So deal with it. First and foremost..

Satan Cady walks Cadryn over to the shattered glass door. Peering in through the door at a broken down, crying Natalie.

Satan Cady: You're going in and apologizing to her right now. She did nothing to deserve you being a meth addicted asshole. She's about the finest piece of ass your ugly, misshapen dicked self will ever get. Go make it right.

Cadryn: What the hell? You've always wanted to kill me. You wanted Graves to murder his own family. Now all of a sudden you're wanting me to rectify a situation to benefit myself?

Satan Cady: Plans change, people change, Cadryn. I have a different agenda now.

Cadryn: I really don’t have much of a choice, do I?

Satan Cady: Nope, not really.

Cadryn begins walking into the house. The mood, the atmosphere, gloom is an understatement. It’s apparent that Natalie is very upset. Cadryn walks in and sits down beside her once more.

Cadryn: Natalie, sweetheart, I am so sorry for everything..

Natalie lifts her head from her hands, wiping the tears from her eyes, smearing her beautiful makeup across her saddened face.

Natalie: I’m done, Cadryn. I can’t sit here and watch you be self destructive. To waste away as a meth addict, to throw away an entire career for something so unsatisfying.

Cadryn: You’re right, babe. And I’m done with it all. The meth, the self destruction, all of it. It’s over.

Satan Cady: Oh no it isn’t. For once you’re not such a pussy. If it’s the meth that makes this happen, we’re gonna continue getting mangled until we at least get through Lethal Lottery.

Cadryn: Satan Cady, shut up. I know I’m not gonna quit smoking meth, but she needs to at least think I am.

If you’re not aware of how this works, Satan Cady and Cadryn share a voice, obviously. So when Cadryn is talking to Satan Cady, he’s actually just talking to himself aloud. Needless to say, Natalie heard everything he just said is none too pleased. Natalie rolls her eyes, slaps Cadryn, and makes her way back to the bedroom, slamming the door after entering.

Satan Cady: That is literally the opposite of what I told you to do, idiot.

Cadryn: Oh, I’m the idiot? You’re the douchebag that decided to interject, forcing me to say things aloud I’d normally think to myself. You’re the worst type of...well, you’re not a person, so, you’re the worst type of pickled potato..

Satan Cady: Okay, well, plan B, buddy. Let’s go find Buronan, he can help me, I mean us, complete my, I mean, our mission.

Cadryn: I’m not even gonna argue with you, at this point. You’ll just tweak some kind of nerve in my butthole and force me to shit on myself or something. But, I agree, let’s go find Buronan. But first, I need more meth. Can you cause meth to fall from my butthole? If so, there may be a use for you after all..

Satan Cady: Uhm, no. But, I do know a decent meth dealer! ONWARD!

Satan Cady and Cadryn walk out the shattered glass door, and towards Natalie’s car.

Will Cadryn be able to expel the demon that controls him?

Will he salvage his relationship with Natalie?

Probably not.

Why?

Because Meth.

(To Be Continued.)

[Image: kevin_bacon_number_search_afbabee2_featured.jpg]

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