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JimCaedus · **01-27-2017, 11:54 PM**

"Guilty Verdict"

It's now Friday evening, the events of late Thursday night that had bled over into early Friday morning (to be revealed in Caedus v. Main v. Seraphina 2) behind me for the moment as I focus on my impending Television Title match against the everything-I-said-he-was Nico LaVey.

George and I-

'Hey, don't forget _me_!'

-had spent an entire and entertaining thirty minutes reviewing the tattooed twit's flawed and predictable responses via video, the majority of which had the two of us in stitches as we recalled the long list of past opponents we'd both had, and crushed, who'd stooped to such flacid tomfoolery. There was just one issue...

"Jimbo? The fuck is that fool going on about you kicking some kid's ass in seventh grade for killing a cat and talkin' shit? When did that take place in either of your first two promos? All I saw was you playing to the camera."

"No idea, GB."

I of course _did_ know very _well_ what Nico'd been referencing...another of my flashback-fueled nightmares I'd had that plagued me at nearly every turn. But that was impossible. How could anyone other than possibly Isabella Ravenwolf witness the activities of my rem state mind's eye? Cadryn had done the same thing and both cases defied all logic pertaining to reality.

"You're in the XWF where anything can happen my dear, that's how."

George and I nearly suffer tandem strokes at the uninvited voice of another joining our conversation. We spin to see a spectral vision materialize before our eyes and exclaim at once-

"Anton LaVey!" "Anton LaVey!" 'Anton LaVey!'

"That's riiiiiiiiiiight," he offers with a comically gay lilt and lisp.

"Fuck are _you_ doing here!? Also...you're a fruit??"

"Quite pointedly petunia, I'm bi and I'm here to put to rest the rumors that the charlatan Nico LaVey is my long lost son and support you in your verbal bashings before Savage. I mean, the guy is a gifted liar but no where _near_ my level. I fooled thousands into believing my bullshit but he fools no one. No spawn of mine would ever come up so short. So pull out that penis- er, phone...heh...and start your promo."

'Hey that's _my_ gig!'

I waste no time.

...................................

"That the best you got, Nico? Was it pleasant proving me right in every way that you _are_ absolutely a campin' ass motherfucker with no nuts? Must be awfully taxing to sit back and await your opponent's attacks before attempting an all out last minute counter assault.

Look limp-dick, _anyone_ can wait for content and eat up entire promos quoting out of context, denying, twisting and spinning shit any way they please. It's why your tactics and the fashion in which you carry them out are the most oft seen and unsuccessfully carried out among the novice set. It's base, bottom-of-the-barrel bullshit and, I dare repeat, one of the main reasons why you unfortunately possess not the best of records here in the XWF. And yet, you continue to use it as a crutch despite your monumental failings. Pathetic...

What vindicates me in my accurate accusations and predictions is the fact that I stated them several days before you had the guts to give me your rewound rendition of Hell. Like I said, anyone can do what you do AFTER the fact but most refuse to do so from the lower shelf like you, they put more oomph into it. Most have pride. Regardless of the semantics and childish antics I pegged you from the get-go...and if you wish to fight this way, I have no choice but to fight fire with fire.

What was that you said about the truth behind my extensive research on your ass? You claimed I lumped your entire XWF career into one mishmash of mistakes by stating you slimed your way in to take down an easy target? When did I do that douchebag? I neither specified one way or the other but for the record, as evidenced by my _initial_ response to your request, I was referring to my take on how you went about challenging me. Period. Christ, you can't even capitalize on the quotes you spend time pointing out as false.

And on the subject of fucking up...you say you casually challenged me partially because of my title but moreso out of self-righteous recognition that I seem to be a good competitor win or lose?"

'Objection your honor! That testimony contradicts the facts!'

"How is it you find me to be a good competitor when you've never competed on the same cards as I have since I got here? By your _own admission_ you _never_ watch the shows you aren't a part of...so HOW could you find me to be _any_ kind of competitor if you've never seen me in action? It follows to hypothesize that since your peers and the crew of the XWF aren't worth your time that you wouldn't pay any attention to the promos for the shows you ignore either. You lied, Nick. You saw _me_ as getting worn down, vulnerable...and you therefore saw my title as all-too-sweetly-snatchable, that's it. Still think you've bested me at what I do best?"

'Objection sustained. Nico, you've been penetrated.'

"I've just single-handedly slammed your case to bits, BITCH. I've shined a light on your dubious nature, I've publicly pantsed your ass and proven that you'll warp and fabricate the facts to appear as the true master debater you claim to be. Shall I continue?"

'Oh please do.'

"On the subject of your many attempts to make me look stupid, one example being by declaring you're not Satanist but Luciferian and the two theologies share _no_ similarities besides the name... My bad, you're right. How could I ever lump the claimant 'Long-Lost LeVay' in with the LeVay legacy of The Church of Satan and Satanism like people mix up Christ with The Christian Church and Christianity? I'm so stupid. Luciferian is alike only in name, is it? That must be why both theologies worship the same entity. The fact that Luciferians worship the angelic pre-cast down Lucifer and his 'light' is most definitely vastly different from Satanists worshipping the damned dark Devil himself...because as we all know, the angelic Lucifer got cast out for no fuckin' reason right? He didn't do anything like betray the ol' Bearded Butthole, which I think is pretty cool actually, and lead a third of His own host in a war against Him, correct? Light fuck-up, dark fuck-up...a rose by any other name. Sounds like _one_ fuck-up action figure packaged with an alternate suit of armor to _me_. You shoulda hit me with the Faustian curveball too, that would've sealed it 'cause clearly I'm a dumbass who don't know his shit. Listen youngster, perhaps if you were a truly practicing Luciferian and weren't just using it as a parry and gimmick, you wouldn't say worshipping Lucifer isn't worshipping Lucifer. Shut the fuck up with your argument-for-argument's-sake gas, asshole. You may debate with a silver tongue but you lack the credibility, evidence and intelligence to back it up. I thought you were good at this?"

'Objection! You're demolishing the defense!'

"Overruled! Kill the disgustingly duplicitous dick!"

"That was slick trying to put words into my mouth to make the roster think I look down on them. Good thing, even as a bastard, I exude professionalism and go out of my way to show sincere respect for them...otherwise you might've gotten one right. No, I never made it seem as if my position as TV champ puts me on a pedestal, but in saying what you did _you_ definitely disrespected the title that has been held by top tier competitors you also disrespect by proxy such as Thomas Nixon. My strap doesn't belong with you. And more to the point, you'll never lift it off the likes of me or anyone with that attitude.

Everything else you've said...I'm wrong about this, I'm wrong about that, so what this and God complex that... Fuck...all that wasted footage trying desperately to save face; flopping every which way from denial to your 'cool' nihilistic brand of 'all-right-I-did-it-so-what-if-I-did!?' admissions, trying to relate with everyone else on a pitiful and thinly veiled plea level of 'wouldn't-you-ALL-do-it-too?'... You make me fucking sick with your lack of foundation. You're as empty and transparent as your words and actions. You're a waffling house of lies, hypocrisy and contradictions. All you hold is a hand of bluffs, trash-talk, misdirection, unsubstantiated heresy and circumstantial circle-jerk while I'm nailing your numbskull ass with a royal flush of evidence concrete enough for a conviction. You truly suck at this when you're facing a superior intellect...and judging from your tally sheet a lot of us you face are smarter than you think. Don't get me wrong, you can hurt a motherfucker in the ring, you ain't no slouch. Still, I'm gonna _smash_ you in that ring come Saturday, boy, you can bet on it. Better reach out and touch Mr. Buttz. I suggest you lay your wad on Caedus so you can afford the hospital bills and I hope you're stuck with a dirty needle and added to the iatrogenic death percentage, prick."

'Quoth "The Meme Queen", just kill yourself.'

"So incapable of fighting me from a stance of offense rather than your dusty ideals of defense, it's sad. You just gonna try picking apart my promos one by one? May as well link my uploads in your responses, let everyone watch my shit twice, twat, and gimme the fuckin' MST 3000 treatment with your just-to-prove-me-wrong feline friend riding bitch while you're at it. Not much incentive for me to give you further opportunity is there? I should wait to upload this until the last fucking minute so your

ass has no way of using those cowardly tactics against me again but, since I'm not an idiot and I've this final promo left, you're forcing me to do that anyway aren't you? Consequently, that'll force YOU to post your OWN offensive, against your chosen strategy, or simply give up. You're a pussy pro bono bitch dancing into the den of the District Attorney, motherfucker. You're outta your league and outta your mind."

'Closing statements please.'

"Well, as devastating as all this has turned out to be, and it's been fun believe me, words are simply that; words. When we hit the squared-circle we'll no longer be lancing with linguistics, we'll be attempting to bash each other's brains in. You may have fallen awfully short on _this_ field but when face to face with my TV Title on the line you'll stand larger than life before me, more than capable of tearing me asunder. I like that. I like that you'll fulfill my desires for a right bloody mutual beat down and give _me_ a reciprocating shot at yet another needed notch on my belt as well as one more name checked off as vengeance claimed. This is your 15 minutes Nico, you'd better get as much out of it as you can but whatever you end up leaving with...it won't include my title. Fuck what you claim. I'm Caedus."

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode "Guilty Verdict" OR "The Omniscient Nico LaVey"
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