[Blue Gator]

Opponent/s who shall receive my scaly dick: Christopher "Virgin" Isles Toys R Us I’m in aisle three of Toys R Us with my trusty slave- ahem – companion in tow holding a shopping basket and filming with a camcorder. This bitch stacking boxes keeps looking at me because I’m wearing a lime green lizard scale trench coat. Does she not know about merchandise sales? I’m making more than her off merchandise than her entire wage. Anyway, I’m looking for a toy, a very particular toy for Ike as a reward for being an obedient little kid. He doesn’t speak English besides reading shit out to me so I’m not sure really what he wants. Maybe this Barbie doll? I pick it up with one hand and examine it. I begin to make a lot of links in my head, almost like a flow chart getting me where I need to go and… doesn’t it remind you of a certain someone? “Yeah this Barbie doll reminds me of that plastic sket who showed her true colours in her latest promo. I really grinded her gears so, so badly that she became a nasty piece of work because she is so desperate to get the upper hand over me. Sadly, Ginger, it doesn’t work like that. You see, the Lounge Lizard is the best thing on the microphone and the best technical wrestler in that ring. He is also the bimbo backhander, the skank slapper and hoe hammerer, which is why you’ll receive a lot of bruises on Wednesday. You know what, fuck this. Ike, I’m gonna start doing this in the middle of the shop so get ready to read. Oh, hey, I'm back fighting for a belt I was never sure if I wanted. Ok, fine. Who am I fighting? Tush? What kind of name is Tush? I really don't know, is it foreign, or something? "You know what? Why do I bother? This has come up in every single promo people have ever had against me. Always. Alright, I will explain to you what kind of a person has a name called Tush. Tush is the name of someone who walks into your kitchen when your mum is making porridge and samples it. If that porridge tastes horrid then Tush would cook that bitch instead and feast on her flesh. Tush is the type of person you don’t want to interrupt when he’s eating, even if he’s eating your own mother. Oh shit, I’m missing something. Oh yeah, Tush always wins. He also succeeds in making little girls pretending to be innocent and naïve into snapping and start crying. Literally, she GINGER SNAPPED! Hahahahaha!” I continue to chuckle and look behind the camera at Ike who isn’t making a sound. “Laugh or I’ll fucking gut you.” He then laughs. He’s learning English. Great, you can walk. You're still not on my level, though. It's kind of sad, though. You won't ever be on my level, and yet you really wish you could be. “Nope. I don’t. You know, when I usually tell someone to kill themselves or some other shit. Ginger, kill yourself. I usually feel immense passionate hatred towards people I’m up against, usually because they are in the way of something I want to do. I just can’t wait to beat the shit out of them and have my hand raised high, like what happened with Christopher Isles, but you… nothing resonates. I just roll my eyes and think, oh she has the title? Eh. Alright, I’ll try and make this fairly quick. I don’t want to be you. I’m not a socially awkward social justice warrior who places an emphasis on political correctness and hates people being mean. I am everything you hate and you are everything I don’t care for. Hey, let’s think of a simile. Yeah, you’re like those bellends who try and hand me leaflets in town and I just brush past, failing to acknowledge any of their facial features. The only reason I know your face is because I had to stare at it and listen to some shit you say, just because I take joy in watching people fall flat on their ass and I was alerted that I made you mad. I literally made a spear out of some stick I found in a bush and impaled it right through your gimmick to the point where you’re just a parody of yourself. I haven't wanted any of the titles I've won here, and I haven't asked for shots at them ever. And yet, here we have Ginger, Former Hart Champion, current Intercontinental Champion, and once a contender to the Universal Title. Let that sink in, Tush. I did what you would never be able to do. I beat Vinnie Lane, and I was able o win a championship. I'll let you look at my belt from a distance, though. How are you going to raise the prestige of the belt? Last month you were essentially a carrot. Do you plan on laying back in the soil and hoping the sunlight will make you better? Can't be making the title better, coz you won't be taking it. “If you didn’t want any of the title, why are you making a point of being so much better than me because you hold a title? You could’ve beaten anything in that case and yet you are mouthing off to me about me wanting to be you so desperately because as I’ve said previously, I don’t want to be you because I’m not a fucking pathetic beanhead cocksausage. The only thing that’s sinking in here is that you are a hypocrite in its most beautiful form. I don’t give two shits and a cardboard wank shoebox about Vinnie Lane, he’s merely a cross dressing . I’ll glance at his Universal Title some other time, which YOU HAVE NEVER WON. Being a contender to his title his nothing to be proud of, do you think I parade around being the number one contender to your blood smeared title when you go on one of these period rampages and rub it on your fanny? What do you do for fun? I kill pigeons and assault prostitutes. Why are you even here if you have no personal enjoyment in inflicting suffering upon other bastards in this company? That’s the whole point of wrestling. I hate someone so I fight them. With you I just shrug and steamroll your already flat tits to get that shiny plate of gold. Nice vegetable joke by the way. I’m joking, it fucking sucked. Go shove a clump of broccoli up your hairy asshole, that would be a cracking joke. Besides the origin of your name, I want to know what your obsession with everyone being gay is? You went on about how gay Christoper Isles is, about how gay everyone was in the gauntlet, that you lost by the way, how gay Vinnie Lane is, and how I'm a lesbian. You need all of us to be gay to make you feel better about your small penis and nonfunctional testicles? I also really need to know where you get your insults? Because they're terrible. You sound like you threw a bunch of Scrabble letters at a wall and decided to use whatever words came out to make you sound tougher. It doesn't impress or scare me. I actually pity you. Maybe you can get your cheesy paedostash out of Christopher's shorts long enough for you to see the top of the arena when I toss your unconscious body from the scaffold. Three times better than me? Adorable. You're a carrot boy trying to be a man. “Now isn’t this ironic? The person who struggles to think of trash talk in the past, shoves their fingers deep into their bushy minge, pulls them back out again, sniffs it and thinks. You know what? Why don’t I just say they have a small penis? Fuck off you ugly dyke. I’ll show you how functional my testicles are when I kick open your apartment door and bullfrog you over the washing machine. As for my insults, I don’t care. They obviously wound you up to the point where you’re now coming out as the nasty little bitch you really are, so they seem to be working. Ginger, I don’t play scrabble, but if I played you, I’d win. Then I’d shove the scrabble board and all the letters up your ass and force you to shit out the word antidisestablishmentarianism. You're meanest man in the federation? Really now? And you lost the Federweight title in your first defense. You lost it to who? Exactly. You lost to Peter Gilmour, and yet you want to put him down? Why? “I didn’t lose it to Peter Gilmour you alcoholic rat. I lost the title to some no-name called Billy Paladin in a fluke, before destroying him and five other kikes in a gauntlet. What’s funnier is now you’re going to lose your title in its first defence, which will make you look like an even bigger hypocrite than you are already perceived as for going back on everything you’ve built up yourself as. Also, I put Peter Gilmour down because he’s a fat son of a bitch and it’s fucking hilarious to watch him get angry. He may of beat me when I was a cripple, but I did have Barney Green on my team. He is an even more fat son of a cockless priest who fucks kids with a stump. Because you're not even good enough to hold a real title in this federation, and he currently has one, and I'm on my second. In less than 7 months. That's way more than you can say. Heck, you can't even say you mattered at any point until this warfare when you stepped into the ring with Ginger Snaps. The closest you can get to success, followed closely by your poor attempt at stealing Dim's routine by "talking to God." Nice, you're going to steal my spotlight so you think you matter, as well as stealing Dim's routine. “Oh you’re using that as a measure for your success yet you say you don’t care – slash – want any titles? You are contradicting yourself so many times you’re literally grabbing a contradick and fucking yourself with it. 7 months? I don’t care. The Lounge Lizard has been around for less than a month and I haven’t lost a single match apart from when I was tired after killing a bunch of people and let Isles pin me. Then I destroyed him the next week. I have never, ever, watched a Dimallasher promo but I think you’ll find that a lot of people in the world talk to god. Have you ever fucking heard of the term praying? People have been doing that shit since humans were created. Why would I steal something from a Dim anyway? Despite him being a staunch trump supporter, that’s the only intelligence he has ever radiated from other past encounters. People will keep taking me seriously, and never you. Go get paralysed again, it's the only way anyone will ever touch you. “Ginger, this is me being honest. No one has ever taken you seriously. Everyone overlooks you. You beat Morbid and that raised a few eyebrows but then they went back to reading the newspaper. You are incredibly fucking hard to take seriously, considering you act all nice and hate people being mean yet you literally just wished paralysis on me. People touch me all the time, I’m a fucking wrestler. How do they punch me or lift me up for a bloody bodyslam you thick cunt? Actually, while we're on the subject of things that you can't do well, how did you manage to get out of that Triad car? I mean, you were trapped pretty solidly, and then you managed to escape with a little boy, because that doesn't seem odd when mixed with that mustache. You had him read to you, though. That part confuses me, because like, Christopher's things were recorded, you could hear Christopher ask the stuff. You didn't need it read. Did you do that just so you can spend time with a little kid? Because that makes sense for you. “When I first saw this I thought my laptop died. What the fuck? The screen just went black. Did you run out of shit to say? I thought this bitch would talk forever, but still, that was abrupt as fuck. Anyway, to answer all your questions, it’s because I’m the Lounge Lizard. I told you and I will keep telling you again and again, I always win. I SAVED the kid from an abusive father. What a horrible bitch. She probably laughs at cancer. What kind of heartless slut wants to see a kid stuck in a sweatshop? Not me. I gave the kid a chance to read me shit because he wants to. Don’t you Ike?” I kick him right in the shin and he murmurs ‘yes’ very audibly. Suddenly, the fat bitch giving me evils at the start comes up to me. “You need to leave.” “Fuck off you beached whale.” “Right I’m calling my manager.” “Sound.”