Who is LH Harrison?

And I don’t mean that in an existential way.

I literally mean who is he?

Until I saw him listed as my opponent on the newest Warfare card I had no idea there was someone named LH Harrison and that he was an employee of the XWF.

Perhaps that’s my own fault as current Universal Champion and soon to be missing in action Shades will tell you, being a part time wrestler is pretty much the worst thing ever. I guess that’s worse than being all in for a month or two then disappearing for a year. But hey what do I know?

So without a clue as to who this LH Harrison guy is I decided to ask around. Sebastian had no clue. Jacob had no clue. John Madison had no clue. Though I’m not exactly sure he knew what I was asking. I would have asked Cain but he’s too busy training for his rematch with Blizzard. So I did the next best thing. I googled the name LH Harrison and do you know what I came up with?

A whole lot of nothing.

Just an XWF roster page. That’s it. Not a fan site made by preteen girls or some creepy 20 something year old man who lives with his parents and does nothing but dip and eat Domino’s all day.

Nothing.

Not a tumblr or a youtube video of his accomplishments. It’s like the guy doesn’t exist beyond a roster page on the official XWF website.

So of course that meant that I had to do a little digging, a little research. Something I really have no time or patience for but a necessary evil nonetheless.

So what did I find after doing some research?

That LH Harrison is a completely regrettable human being and a waste of a pay check.

The guy has lost more matches in the three months he’s been here than the 7 I have.

Now let’s address the elephant in the room, I am a part time wrestler, now. But I wasn’t always and certainly not when I started. In fact when I was first brought here I was wrestling weekly and winning matches weekly.

I see that Harrison is sporting a totally mediocre record at 4 wins and 4 loses. 3 and 3 in singles comp.

I also see that it wasn’t until recently that LH Harrison even discovered that it was possible to win a match on his own. And now the guy is on fire. Winning his last three matches.

Granted he’s face scrubs like Mastermind, Aerial Knight and a fluke victory over Cain but at least now he’s winning.

I wonder what LH did to commemorate winning his third singles match. I know what I did. I put my newly acquired X-treme Championship belt on and laughed over the defeated body of former Universal Champion Morbid Angel. That’s what I did.

But I’m sure LH didn’t do anything so grandiose as that. In fact he probably went home, had a nice glass of warm milk and played with his kids. I hope he enjoyed the time he spent with them since apparently it’s going to be in short supply going forward.

You see apparently Harrison’s ungrateful cunt of a wife is leaving him. Whatever, it happens. But what I find truly fascinating is that this bitch Jessica decided to kick him out not long after revealing to him that his mother, or is it his other father had died.

Why the confusion you ask?

Well here, have a listen right from the whores mouth.

Harrison’s soon to be Ex Wife Said:Your mother was a good man.

I’m sorry, ungrateful cunt say what?

LH Harrison’s mother is a man? That’s…that’s…one for the equality books I suppose.

But it doesn’t end there. No the hits just keep on coming.

Not only has this Jessica bitch ruined Harrisons’ day by telling him that his mother died, and possibly revealing to him for the first time ever that his mother was a dude but then she has the balls and I do mean that literally since in that fucked up family women aren’t women, but she has the balls to tell him that he, LH Harrison was the reason his mother died. Apparently she saw him getting kidnapped and decided that it was a good time for a heart attack. How selfish of her.

So here we are.

LH Harrison preparing for the biggest match of his short and otherwise regrettable career only days after his mother slash second father died and his wife kicked him out.

Talk about one hell of a week.

Are you listening LH because I am talking to you now?

I’m sorry to say LH but despite your recent run of some bad luck it continues a little bit longer as you get to face your toughest opponent yet.

Please don’t for one second thing that because you managed to beat Cain, a fellow member of The Brotherhood that I am anything like him because it would be the biggest mistake you could make in what is turning out to be a life time full of them.

I understand that you recently found God, or perhaps the better term would be redemption.

You were on the precipice of a life altering decision. Do you continue down a path of needless murder because you were mentally and physically weak or do you listen to the little Angel that appeared and learn from the error of your ways?

You choose the latter, the irony of which was that it was your family that lead you to that decision and now despite that your family is being taken from you anyway. How very unfortunate for you.

Good for me though, it will be one more distraction for you to have to deal with, something else for your mind to be focused on while I’m unleashing an assault on you the likes of which you have never seen or felt before.

You may very well have a chance at becoming the number one contender for the federation’s second highest prize but your chance at actually winning the belt ends with me on Wednesday night. Accept that now and the inevitable won’t hurt quite as much.

Now LH you are going to be tempted to respond to this promo. You are going to want to say some nasty things about me, maybe even bring my family into this since I had no problems doing the same to you. All I can say to that is, bring it.

This is a match that you may not have asked for but it is definitely one you are not ready for and come Wednesday I am going to show you what happens to someone who finds themselves unfortunate enough to be my opponent in the ring.

Spoilers: It doesn't end well for them.

Tick Tock LH Harrison.

Tick.

Fucking.

Tock.