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+--- Thread: YOU FIVE POUND SACKS-O-SHIT (/showthread.php?tid=45252)
YOU FIVE POUND SACKS-O-SHIT - CLETUS - 12-07-2022
The video footage starts with the familiar sight of CLETUS standing amidst the ruins of a destroyed barn.
"MY NAME'S CLETUS, AND I'M PISSED THE FUCK OFF."
Hard cut to footage of the Mansquatch punting a human skull like a football and sending it flying past the treetops while screaming. The footage then cuts back.
"I'M IN THE RING, I'M DOIN' WHAT THEY PAID ME TO DO: BEATIN' THE GOD DAMN SHIT OUTTA SCARLET JOHANNSEN LIKE A KAI-YOAT WHO THOUGHT THEY COULD STEAL MY SHEEP. AND WHAT MOTHERFUCKER STEPS IN TO GET IN MY WAY?"
Hard cut to footage of Lord Raab interfering in CLETUS and Gyna Van Zyl's match at the most recent Anarchy show.
"SUPPOSIN' YOU DIDN'T PROPERLY 'PRECIATE MY WARM SLAP MOUNTAIN WELCOME, DIDJA BOI."
A cut to footage of CLETUS slapping Raab in the face, repeated sixteen times at rapid speed.
"AND NOW OL' CLETUS DON'T GET A MATCH THIS THURSDAY! HIS CAREER PROSPECTS'RE LOOKIN' GRIM. I WON'T LIE, THAT LITTLE STUNT O' YOURS GOT ME THINKIN'. MADE LOOK DEEP INSIDE. FOR THREE DAYS AND NIGHTS I MEDITATED AT SLAP MOUNTAIN TEMPLE, ATOP THE HIGHEST PEAK. NO FOOD, NO WATER. AND IN THAT TIME, I WAS STRUCK WITH A REVELATION!"
Sudden cut to an uncomfortable close up of CLETUS' red, sweaty face.
"THAT REVELATION BEIN' THAT YOU'RE A LITTLE BITCH."
Hard cut to CLETUS slamming his face into a table covered in white powder and snorting loud and long before raising himself back up.
"S'ALRIGHT IT'S JUST BAKING SODA-"
Cut back to CLETUS' face.
"YOU BEST WATCH YER ASS THIS THURSDAY, RAAB. 'CAUSE THE SECOND YOU AIN'T LOOKIN' I'M GONNA TURN IT INTO A GOD DAMN MAN CUTLET! AS THE BUDDHISTS SAY: I'M GONNA SEND YER UGLY FACE TO THE WHEEL O' REINCARNATION SO FAST YOU'RE GONNA JAM THE FUCKIN' SPOKES."
The video abruptly ends on that note, with a single frame displaying Lord Raab's IP address overlaid against CLETUS' angry, sweaty face.