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+--- Thread: Y'ALL ALREADY KNOW WHAT I'M ANNOUNCING (/showthread.php?tid=45001)
Y'ALL ALREADY KNOW WHAT I'M ANNOUNCING - YALL_KNOW_WHO - 11-13-2022
The Story So Far:
![[Image: Screen-Shot-2022-11-13-at-9-09-56-AM.png]](https://i.ibb.co/5jnkyNM/Screen-Shot-2022-11-13-at-9-09-56-AM.png)
Oh God, this is it. I’m going to be fired. Or murdered. *gasp* OR MURDER FIRED.
A balding man, drenched in a layer of flop sweat, and several layers of dried flop sweat…
Steve Sayors.
Hovering outside Vinnie Lane’s office door.
His hand extended out to knock.
…
He’s been in this position for 35 minutes.
He’s too terrified to knock.
And even more terrified to leave.
It’s really not a great position to be in, to owe your company $500,000.
Steve reels back his wrist to knock…
…Which he then grabs carefully with his other hand, and resets gently back to the not-reeled-back position.
So he doesn’t accidentally knock, he rests his knuckles ever-so-gently on the door
“Door’s open!”
…Dammit. Apparently, Vinnie Lane has the unique demeanor of the 1980s… And the acute hearing of a Spanish hawk.
…Steve, with all of his might, gently pushes the door.
He peeks his head as little as conceivably possible into the doorway. So, 1/800th of his face is in the room. The smallest fleck of his left cheek.
“You… Wanted to see me, sir?”
“GET IN HERE!”
Steve flops over himself, scampering into the office like a rat…
“SIT DOWN!”
Steve, in a state of pure fear-based adrenaline, scampers on all-fours to Vinnie’s desk. For a moment, he pants like a dog to show submission and rests on his hind legs to show submission.
“...I meant, in a chair, Steve.”
…
Steve clears his throat awkwardly, before climbing back to standing like a man, taking two steps to the right, and sitting down in one of Vinnie’s chairs.
Across the desk, the executive chair is spun, so its back is facing Sayors. As if Vinnie is too disgusted to even LOOK at Sayors…
Oh God. I can’t afford to lose this job… Or be murdered! The economy is in shambles right now!
“...Do you know why I called you here?”
“Y-y-yes, sir!”
The chairs flips around!
And it’s not Vinnie Lane…
But…
Um…
Some Guy.
Some Guy?
Yeah, that one.
“HAHA, HEY, STEVE!”
Steve’s eyes widen in terror.
“YOU!?! …How did you do that with your voice? You sounded just like Mister Lane.”
“HAHA, WELL, STEVE, EVERYBODY KNOWS WHEN I GET NERVOUS, MY VOICE SHIFTS SEVERAL OCTAVES. MINE JUST HAPPENS TO EXACTLY OVERLAP WITH XWF PRESIDENT ‘LOVE THAT BOY’ VANNY LYNMAN!”
…Not Vinnie’s name. Not Vinnie’s title. Not Vinnie’s nickname.
…Steve squints. “Wait, what are you doing here in Mister Lane’s office? I’m supposed to meet him right now!”
That Guy grins effervescently… As he reaches into his pocket… And pulls out…
![[Image: 150787-phones-feature-the-most-popular-p...opfq3m.jpg]](https://i.ibb.co/5BQjcWb/150787-phones-feature-the-most-popular-phones-in-the-uk-during-the-1980s-revealed-image5-r5fdopfq3m.jpg)
The 80s-est looking phone anyone has ever seen.
“HAHA, MY PHONE IS AT THE MECHANIC! I BORROWED VANNY’S PHONE TO TEXT YOU, STEVE! FOR AN URGENT MATTER!”
“What matter?”
“HAHA… YOU ALREADY KNOW!”
Steve begins to sweat… His mind is reeling.
“Wait… That dream I had at the blood bank. Where I signed that sheet away for magical powers… Oh God!” Steve doubles-back, pushing the chair over behind him!
Steve points accusatorily as he crawls backwards, desperate to get away!
“I owe you for giving me dark magical powers! You called me here to steal my soul!”
…
“Which, by the way, I don’t think the powers actually kicked in…”
“HAHA!”
The laughter chills Sayors to his very core.
“STEVE, I’D NEVER CHARGE YOUR SOUL FOR THE SORCERY I OPENED INSIDE YOU!”
“You wouldn’t?”
“HAHA, NO!”
…Steve exhales, relieved.
“IT’S A MUCH MORE EFFECTIVE BUSINESS MODEL TO CHARGE YOU MICRO-TRANSACTIONS FOR EACH SPELL YOU CAST.”
“...What?”
“WE’LL TALK ABOUT MY SORCERY APP LATER STEVE. BUT, FOR NOW… YOU MUST DELIVER WHAT YOU OWE!”
Steve is terrified!
…And then he scratches his head in confusion.
“Um… Okay, but… if it’s not the $500,000 I owe XWF… And it’s not my soul… What do I owe you?”
That Guy guffaws delightedly.
“AN INTERVIEW, STEVE!”
“...You want me to interview you?”
“OF COURSE, THAT’S ALL I’VE WANTED THIS WHOLE TIME!”
Steve scratches his head.
“Um… Okay!” Steve pulls out his phone and sets it on Vinnie’s desk, his recorder app open.
“So…” Steve clears his throat, trying to enter an interview mentality…
…
Again, he has no idea who this guy is.
“Um…” Sayors sweats. “Wh-what’s new with you?”
“HAHA!” That Guy is delighted. “WHAT AN OPENING QUESTION, STEVE! THIS IS WHY YOU GET PAID THE BIG BUCKS!”
…Sayors hasn’t gotten a raise since 2006.
“YOU SEE, I’M ANNOUNCING… THAT I AM NOT STARTING AN UNDERCLOTHES FOOTBALL CONFERENCE TEAM!”
…
“...Sorry, you wanted me to interview you… So you could announce that you’re NOT starting a football team?”
“OH, I WANTED TO, STEVE. BUT I HAD THE WORST PROBLEM YOU CAN HAVE WITH A FOOTBALL TEAM.”
“...Ah, economic downtu-”
“TOO MUCH TALENT!”
“...What?”
“I HAD ONE BILLION WOMEN BEGGING TO JOIN THE TEAM. AND WITH A ROSTER CAP OF 10… I JUST COULDN’T BRING MYSELF TO CUT ANYONE.”
Steve’s face contorts in pure and total confusion. “You had one BILLION women try-out for the team… And you couldn’t cut ANYONE?”
“YOU TELL ME HOW TO TELL A LOVER SHE CAN’T BE ON YOUR FOOTBALL TEAM. I COULDN’T BREAK ANY OF THEIR HEARTS LIKE THAT.”
“...Wait. Lover…s?”
“HAHA, STEVE, I DON’T NEED TO TELL YOU THAT I HAVE ONE BILLION GIRLFRIENDS.”
…
“...You have one BILLION GIRLFRIENDS?!?”
“I HAVE ONE BILLION GIRLFRIENDS.”
“...Hold on, ‘Violently betray you’?”
“YES. THAT’S WHY I COULDN’T CUT ANY, STEVE. I COULDN’T RISK THE BALANCE OF POWER TIPPING FROM ME… AND TOWARDS MY ONE BILLION GIRLFR-”
Suddenly, Vinnie’s 80s phone buzzes.
That Guy, still smiling, picks it up and checks the texts.
…Which is weird, because it’s just a number pad. No screen.
…Suddenly.
That Guy’s smile vanishes.
“MY GOD.”
“...What is it?”
“IT’S MY ONE BILLION GIRLFRIENDS.”
…
“THEY’RE LEAVING ME.”
…
“FOR ANOTHER FOOTBALL TEAM.”
Oh God, this is it. I’m going to be fired. Or murdered. *gasp* OR MURDER FIRED.
A balding man, drenched in a layer of flop sweat, and several layers of dried flop sweat…
Steve Sayors.
Hovering outside Vinnie Lane’s office door.
His hand extended out to knock.
…
He’s been in this position for 35 minutes.
He’s too terrified to knock.
And even more terrified to leave.
It’s really not a great position to be in, to owe your company $500,000.
Steve reels back his wrist to knock…
…Which he then grabs carefully with his other hand, and resets gently back to the not-reeled-back position.
So he doesn’t accidentally knock, he rests his knuckles ever-so-gently on the door
“Door’s open!”
…Dammit. Apparently, Vinnie Lane has the unique demeanor of the 1980s… And the acute hearing of a Spanish hawk.
…Steve, with all of his might, gently pushes the door.
He peeks his head as little as conceivably possible into the doorway. So, 1/800th of his face is in the room. The smallest fleck of his left cheek.
“You… Wanted to see me, sir?”
“GET IN HERE!”
Steve flops over himself, scampering into the office like a rat…
“SIT DOWN!”
Steve, in a state of pure fear-based adrenaline, scampers on all-fours to Vinnie’s desk. For a moment, he pants like a dog to show submission and rests on his hind legs to show submission.
“...I meant, in a chair, Steve.”
…
Steve clears his throat awkwardly, before climbing back to standing like a man, taking two steps to the right, and sitting down in one of Vinnie’s chairs.
Across the desk, the executive chair is spun, so its back is facing Sayors. As if Vinnie is too disgusted to even LOOK at Sayors…
Oh God. I can’t afford to lose this job… Or be murdered! The economy is in shambles right now!
“...Do you know why I called you here?”
“Y-y-yes, sir!”
The chairs flips around!
And it’s not Vinnie Lane…
But…
Um…
Some Guy.
Some Guy?
Yeah, that one.
“HAHA, HEY, STEVE!”
Steve’s eyes widen in terror.
“YOU!?! …How did you do that with your voice? You sounded just like Mister Lane.”
“HAHA, WELL, STEVE, EVERYBODY KNOWS WHEN I GET NERVOUS, MY VOICE SHIFTS SEVERAL OCTAVES. MINE JUST HAPPENS TO EXACTLY OVERLAP WITH XWF PRESIDENT ‘LOVE THAT BOY’ VANNY LYNMAN!”
…Not Vinnie’s name. Not Vinnie’s title. Not Vinnie’s nickname.
…Steve squints. “Wait, what are you doing here in Mister Lane’s office? I’m supposed to meet him right now!”
That Guy grins effervescently… As he reaches into his pocket… And pulls out…
The 80s-est looking phone anyone has ever seen.
“HAHA, MY PHONE IS AT THE MECHANIC! I BORROWED VANNY’S PHONE TO TEXT YOU, STEVE! FOR AN URGENT MATTER!”
“What matter?”
“HAHA… YOU ALREADY KNOW!”
Steve begins to sweat… His mind is reeling.
“Wait… That dream I had at the blood bank. Where I signed that sheet away for magical powers… Oh God!” Steve doubles-back, pushing the chair over behind him!
Steve points accusatorily as he crawls backwards, desperate to get away!
“I owe you for giving me dark magical powers! You called me here to steal my soul!”
…
“Which, by the way, I don’t think the powers actually kicked in…”
“HAHA!”
The laughter chills Sayors to his very core.
“STEVE, I’D NEVER CHARGE YOUR SOUL FOR THE SORCERY I OPENED INSIDE YOU!”
“You wouldn’t?”
“HAHA, NO!”
…Steve exhales, relieved.
“IT’S A MUCH MORE EFFECTIVE BUSINESS MODEL TO CHARGE YOU MICRO-TRANSACTIONS FOR EACH SPELL YOU CAST.”
“...What?”
“WE’LL TALK ABOUT MY SORCERY APP LATER STEVE. BUT, FOR NOW… YOU MUST DELIVER WHAT YOU OWE!”
Steve is terrified!
…And then he scratches his head in confusion.
“Um… Okay, but… if it’s not the $500,000 I owe XWF… And it’s not my soul… What do I owe you?”
That Guy guffaws delightedly.
“AN INTERVIEW, STEVE!”
“...You want me to interview you?”
“OF COURSE, THAT’S ALL I’VE WANTED THIS WHOLE TIME!”
Steve scratches his head.
“Um… Okay!” Steve pulls out his phone and sets it on Vinnie’s desk, his recorder app open.
“So…” Steve clears his throat, trying to enter an interview mentality…
…
Again, he has no idea who this guy is.
“Um…” Sayors sweats. “Wh-what’s new with you?”
“HAHA!” That Guy is delighted. “WHAT AN OPENING QUESTION, STEVE! THIS IS WHY YOU GET PAID THE BIG BUCKS!”
…Sayors hasn’t gotten a raise since 2006.
“YOU SEE, I’M ANNOUNCING… THAT I AM NOT STARTING AN UNDERCLOTHES FOOTBALL CONFERENCE TEAM!”
…
“...Sorry, you wanted me to interview you… So you could announce that you’re NOT starting a football team?”
“OH, I WANTED TO, STEVE. BUT I HAD THE WORST PROBLEM YOU CAN HAVE WITH A FOOTBALL TEAM.”
“...Ah, economic downtu-”
“TOO MUCH TALENT!”
“...What?”
“I HAD ONE BILLION WOMEN BEGGING TO JOIN THE TEAM. AND WITH A ROSTER CAP OF 10… I JUST COULDN’T BRING MYSELF TO CUT ANYONE.”
Steve’s face contorts in pure and total confusion. “You had one BILLION women try-out for the team… And you couldn’t cut ANYONE?”
“YOU TELL ME HOW TO TELL A LOVER SHE CAN’T BE ON YOUR FOOTBALL TEAM. I COULDN’T BREAK ANY OF THEIR HEARTS LIKE THAT.”
“...Wait. Lover…s?”
“HAHA, STEVE, I DON’T NEED TO TELL YOU THAT I HAVE ONE BILLION GIRLFRIENDS.”
…
“...You have one BILLION GIRLFRIENDS?!?”
“I HAVE ONE BILLION GIRLFRIENDS.”
“...Hold on, ‘Violently betray you’?”
“YES. THAT’S WHY I COULDN’T CUT ANY, STEVE. I COULDN’T RISK THE BALANCE OF POWER TIPPING FROM ME… AND TOWARDS MY ONE BILLION GIRLFR-”
Suddenly, Vinnie’s 80s phone buzzes.
That Guy, still smiling, picks it up and checks the texts.
…Which is weird, because it’s just a number pad. No screen.
…Suddenly.
That Guy’s smile vanishes.
“MY GOD.”
“...What is it?”
“IT’S MY ONE BILLION GIRLFRIENDS.”
…
“THEY’RE LEAVING ME.”
…
“FOR ANOTHER FOOTBALL TEAM.”