X-treme Wrestling Federation
Help me? - Printable Version

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Help me? - Hotdog - 10-12-2021

Hotdog, in his(???) super sexy dress stumbles from one hallway to another.

"Oink?! Oink, oink oink oink oink?!"


Sure enough, he is! Hotdog rounds a corner to find Jim Caedus playing tic tac toe against Bam Miller's lifeless corpse, with Jim moving Bam's arms for him. This might be the future. Or not. I don't know. Residual interdimensional energy gave Hotdog magic shapeshifting powers or something, so maybe time travel is an option too? Just shut the fuck up and roll with it.

"Oink! Ooink Oink Oink ooink oink! Oink oink oink oink."


Caedus studies Hotdog's new body, and asks the question we all want to know.

"Is there a space in yah ass fah someone tah put their hand?"

Is that how he talks? Who fucking knows.

"Oink? Oink oin'k oink! Ooiin'k oink oink oink oink! Oink oink oink oink! Oink oink Oink, ooin'k ooiinnk oink oink ooink ooiinnk oink ooink oink oink, oink Oink oink oink oink oink oink oink oink oink oink oink ooink. O'ink oink oink oink Ooink oink oink oink oink ooiinnk, oink oink ooiinnk ooink ooiinn'k oink oink oink oink oink oink oink ooiinnkk oink oink. Oink oink oink ooink oink Oink oink oink oink oink oink ooiinnk' oink oink Oink, oink Oink ooiinnk oi'nk ooiinnkk oink oink oink oink oink oink ooink oink ooiinnk. Oink O'ink oink oink oink. Oink oink oink oink ooiinnk ooiinnk ooiink ooink, oink oink oink oink ooiinnkk oink oink, oink oink ooink oink oink oink oink oink oink."


Caedus doesn’t really respond. Instead, he grabs Hotdog, flips him over, and reveals his puppet hole for the world to see! Ever the inquisitive type, Caedus shoves his hand on in, and holds Hotdog high into the air like the pig is a sword and Jim just turned into He-Man.

"I hav' tah power!"

Does putting an apostrophe instead of an E even make a difference there? STOP ASKING QUESTIONS!

"Oink oink oink oink, oink ooiinnk ooiinnk! Oink oink oink oink ooiink ooiinnk oink oink oink oink. Oink oink oink oooiinnkk oink oink oink oink-ooiinnk oink, OINK! Oink ooiin'k ooiink ooink oink ooiink oink Ooiink Ooiinnk'k ooiinnkk oink oooiinnkk oink Oink oink oink ooink oink... ooiinnkk(?) oink Oink ooiin'k oink oink ooiinnk ooink oink!"


Giddy with glee, Caedus trips and falls and dies or something. Again, I don't know. Maybe he's alive? Fucking whatever. With his shoulders down and his hand still stuck inside Hotdog, XWF official Richard Wang walks by with a whole bunch of white powder clearly visible around his nose. He assumes this to be a pin attempt and drops to the ground.

1...

(Why the fuck would this even get a two count?


re:Help me? - Charlie Nickles - 10-12-2021

Never help a police officer, Caedus. That was your first mistake. Death to the pigs.

re:Help me? - JimCaedus - 10-13-2021



By the time Jims finished pissing on someone's grave- someone you'd call him a dick over for doing it, not someone deserving of it like Goebbels, Steve Irwin or shit serfs who live in New Zealand -and sauntered back from the graveyard wing of the 24/7 Halls here in XWF Mobile HQ, he's just in time to catch Hotdog's haphazard Henson-handjob transformation stumbling in.


Stuck in the form of Miss Piggy- though oddly still unable to speak English while, even more vexing, still somehow saying (and being subtitled with) Piggy catch phrases like "Hiiiiiii-YAH!" -shehe wanders over to and begins oinking at Caedus Clone v2, the latter busy playing Tic Tac Toe with Bam Miller's fresh corpse Weekend At Bernie's style.


As he joins Arcana, taking a handful of popcorn from the bag she's picking through. Oh I fuckin' LOVE Hotdog! Hey I thought we sealed that tear in the fabric of Space and Time? Gesturing towards Bam's body.


Apparently not, hun.


"Is there a space in yah ass fah someone tah put their hand?"


Aw hell, I set the Clone speech to 80s Fat Albert drawl. Oh well. Hey what's Hotdog squealin' about?


Poofing a pair of Universal Translator ear buds with subtitles capabilities and hands them to Jim. Check it out babe...


Jim listens for a bit, grinning, until- Heeeeeeey...is that narrator makin' fun 'a my way 'a speakin'? I talk like REAL people you honkey sumbitch!!


"Honkey"?


Well...yeah. Pork, the other white meat?


Charlie meanders into the hallway, moments after Caedus Clone v2 drops for a pin from Hotdog.


Oh shit, it's Chuckers...watch this, baby-


Uh, Jimmy..something's wrong. She points to the Clone currently smoking and spitting sparks.


The two turn to eachother slowly and in unison:


Short CIRCUIT!!


The couple dives for safety as Caedus Clone v2 blows up-






-translating to an explosive

KICK OUT!!



re:Help me? - Hotdog - 10-13-2021

And emerging from the explosion...

































































































[Image: G5iCrog.jpg]

"OINK OOOIIINNKK!!! Ooiink oink Ooink Ooiink Oink Oink oooiinnkk oink ooiinnk oink! Oink oink oink oink oink oink oink Ooink-Oink, Ooink Ooink!"