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I AM M - Printable Version

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I AM M - Vita Frickin Valenteen - 10-13-2021




::PROLOGUE::


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I've learned that outright refusing to drink blood isn't a good idea. Not only do I get physically weak, but if my hunger is left unchecked for too long, I could black out and lose control. It's happened once already. Fortunately, nobody was hurt too bad, and since it was XWF staff who had signed a waiver prior to the event, I didn't even have to worry about being sued. Still, I felt bad for the guy, so I sent him a beautiful fruit basket and a modest cash gift to help cover the trauma of having a vampy chick tap him for a pint or two...

That event opened my eyes to the fact that I needed to find a way to quench my thirst without harming innocents.

Fortunately, there's plenty of bad guys all over the world, and I might have some experience in superheroing!


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::PRESENT DAY::


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Fighting crime is the same no matter where in the world you may find yourself. The basic idea of right and wrong can always be upheld. Sometimes, however, depending on location, it may seem impossible to actually FIND crime to fight. Usually, I'd say that's a good thing, I mean, who doesn't like a crime-free city, right? Problem is, I'm really frickin hungry, and I'm super afraid of what might happen if I don't feed again tonight, so I stay diligent. Fortunately, my new vampire abilities do offer some really sweet cheat codes for this sorta thing, like super senses, specifically my heightened sense of smell that has totally alerted me to the fact that someone around here has some pretty stinky weed on their person. Now, while I normally wouldn't pay much attention to this particular offense (weed is legal back home in Canada after all!) This has been the best lead that I've found tonight that might actually lead me to someone who I'd be willing to trade a few knuckle sandwiches for a sip from the juice box.

Sticking to the shadows, I survey the area. We're in a public place. A small mom and pops gas station to be precise. There's not much else around that seems open, but there's not much traffic here either from what I can tell. There's a guy pumping gas into a Honda Civic. I'd guess that he's in his late teens or early twenties. He reeks of nachos and MNT Dew. I don't think he's my guy. I remain motionless and observe. The guy finishes pumping his gas and heads inside to pick of a few things. I use the opportunity to get a closer look inside of his car. I walk by and peer into the window. Nothing out of the ordinary here.

"Hey!"

I snap to attention as the owner of the car approaches me with a look of confusion.

"Sorry, hi! I was just looking at your car! I love it! My brother used to have one just like it!" It doesn't even occur to me that trying to act normal might seem weird right now since how I'm dressed totally slipped my mind!

The look he gives me sends the message loud and clear, he doesn't believe me.

"Oh yeah? What year?" He asks as he opens the driver's door and stops to looks across the top of the car at me as I back away.

I don't have a brother, and furthermore, I really don't know much about cars. Why did I say that?

"Oh, Ummm.... I dunno. It was old. I really don't know much about cars, but it looked a lot like this one!"

I'm not sure if he believes me, or just decided I wasn't a threat, but he just nods with a smile and says, "They're good cars." before slipping into the driver's seat and switching the ignition. As he pulls away, I feign like I'm heading towards the store only to slip back to the shadows once I'm out of his sight. I think to myself how that was close and it's a good thing he wasn't a vampire hunting gangster or something of the sort. Of course, that just gets me to worry if vampire hunting gangsters could be a reality. I find myself lost in these and similar thoughts for a moment before a familiar skunky odor catches my attention and snaps me back into reality.

I trace the odor to its source behind the gas station. It wouldn't take a world-class detective to deduce that the slacker employee suspiciously hanging out by the dumpsters was the source of the foul odor.

As I watch him "sneak" puffs off of a one-hitter as I try to decide the best course of action here. I need him to give up his dealer. Surely he's a bad dude who sells hard drugs to kids or something, right? I mean, all drug dealers are bad people. TV taught us that!

Anyway, for a moment I consider the idea of slipping out of this costume and just, I don't know... Asking? I've never dabbled into the world of drugs, sans that time Amjetku... Actually, let's let that one say in the past.

No, I'm not confident enough in my ability to get answers in a peaceful manner. I am, however, very confident that if I don't do something quick, I will end up hurting someone that I totally regret!

Butt kicking it is!

I effortlessly leap up to the roof of the gas station. I take a moment to strike a totally cool hero pose that should strike fear into the heart of this burnout! Of course, it takes a moment to perfect and I'm thankful that he doesn't notice me awkwardly shift and adjust as I seem to second guess my every action.

Screw it! Good enough!

"Hey Ass-Butt!"

Not only does that get his attention, but my pose is so awesome that he literally pees himself as he stares up in terror! This next part is probably unnecessary, but totally fun and sure to look awesome for the camera!

I leap off of the building and tackle him to the asphalt as his eyes widen and a high-pitched squeak escapes through his gaped lips.

"Didn't your mother ever tell you that drugs are for losers!?"

Ugh, I should have thought that line through better. So lame, but fortunately for me, he's too afraid to notice.

"Ple... Please!"

"I want to know where you got the drugs, NOW!"

He tells me everything.


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It was my first night on the job, and I couldn’t believe how easy this was. All I had to do was deliver a box across town in exchange for a thick envelope. Tito promised me $100 to do it. $100 to take a bus ride? Why wasn’t I doing this before!? I was afraid of getting busted for one. Leaving Dre and moms on their own. Desperate times man. D’Andre’s words pushed me here, and I’m glad that they did.

There’s an extra bounce to my step as I walk up Tito’s driveway. The high of the moment was strong. The adrenaline was still pumping. A bus ride and an exchange. It seems so dumb to be this pumped over something so boring, but this was a means to an end. My family wouldn’t struggle so damn much anymore. I could do something to help out. Keep Dre in school. That little fucker is smart. Not like me, but even still, this is temporary. I’m getting my GED and I’m going to look into a tech school or something.

I pull the envelope out of my jacket pocket as I lightly knock and immediately open the door. “Yo Tito! I got your money son!” As I retrieve the envelope I look up to see Tito on the couch with a girl straddling his lap and kissing on his neck. His eyes look cold and… dead? “Tito?” The woman slowly pulls herself away from his neck and my blood runs cold as she turns to lock her dead black eyes with mine. I try to scream, but she tackles me in an instant and bites into my neck as I drift away…






… in…to…










….death.

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"My hunger has been quenched and my strength returned, and that's totally not good for our boy Marf! The self-professed savior of the Television division because he knocked off some has been whose name far out shadowed their actual ability then went on to lose it to another of the same on his very next defense. Oh yeah Marfy, that makes you a real frickin stand out!"

"Charlie Nickles, the longest reigning TV champion in the modern era, and Marf, the guy who successfully defended his championship ONCE against Drip Flackweed and somehow thinks that SUPER MINOR ACHIEVEMENT is enough to catapult him across divisions and make him seem worthy to step into the ring with me? I've already beaten Corey, so color me super unimpressed that you're using this save the TV division baloney as a way to run away from that obviously tough fight! Too bad it was right into a brick wall because did I mention that I've already beaten Corey Smith? He was Lux at the time, but some would argue that that only made him even more dangerous!"

"You remember Lux right? The future assassin that inhabited the body of a recently dead junkie, who eventually would succumb to a virus that made him become the Engineer, only to somehow return to life all normal with a second chance free and clear, yet continues to hang around the very same business that directly led to MOST of that stuff happening to him, and do you know why Marf? It's because he's actually pretty damn talented inside of the ring and he enjoys proving it. I've beaten him, did I mention that? I just want to make sure that I have all of my bases covered here since you're opinion of me and my abilities seems to hinge very much on the fact that I lost the TV title to Rampage, a guy that you've beaten, and yeah, I won it right back, but again, against someone that you've beaten, so that's obviously not an accomplishment. Your words, not mine, and if you want to paint yourself as some gatekeeper of mediocrity, be my guest. but Vita Valenteen isn't mediocre, never has been!"

"I began my career right here in the XWF at the age of sixteen. SIXTEEN! Within my first year as an active competitor, I was already a 2-time tag team champion with fellow Midnight Doll, Jessalyn Hart! A feat that YOU have STILL yet to accomplish ONCE! I'm a former Xtreme champion, and I carried that straight to a briefcase where I challenged Anarchy Champion Sara Lacklan in a straight-up match for her championship! People said that I was crazy for challenging for the Anarchy and not just "cashing in" on whoever had the Universal championship at the time, but I had my reasons and I don't regret anything, but you will Marf! You'll totally regret trying to take the macho route and act like I'm going to be an easy win from you! You're the one fighting from the bottom my dude! I'm the champion! I put in the work! I secured the title! At this moment, in this division, I AM OVER YOU!"

"So what that you had the belt for a few weeks back in February? It's October! Have you tried and failed all of this time to gain a rematch? Is that your worth to the division? No! Surely not! Even if so, I totally doubt you'd admit it on national television. So let's work under the assumption that you just didn't care. Some savior of the division huh? Care's so much about the prestige that he actually DOESN'T CARE and continues to just exist in the XWF as a reactionary entity that only comes to life when another first makes contact."

"Or as I said, you're a loser. I'm not assigning labels. Besides, that seems like something that you need to figure out for yourself. Especially with a Supercontenintal shot coming up against Corey Smith. Hey, I said that I've beaten him. I didn't say that he wasn't tough! Just like I'm sure he'd tell you just how tough I am or was even before vampirism became a part of my daily routine, but there's a certain history there that has caused a pretty deep wedge between us. It's just another thing that I will have to address eventually..."

"But first, I need to focus all of my attention squarely on you, Marf! I knew what I was doing when I made this match "No Holds Barred"! I knew that I was giving you every tool necessary in order for you to beat me, and I did it anyway! I did it because I knew that everyone was immediately going to call my reign into question just because it was interrupted by Rampage and a very unsportsmanlike move! You've proven it! You've come at me with the same crap I predicted you would, but you took it a step further and tried to bury an entire division! I'm not standing for that! Not that I ever planned on not walking out of Savage as champion, but I did recognize the possibility. The only thing is that now when I think about that possibility, it kinda makes my blood boil. I said kinda because, you know... Vampire. But that doesn't mean that I don't feel things, and I definitely some frickin pressure to put you down and cement the stability of this championship firmly in MY hands! Besides, I want to fight Betsy, and you have a Supercontenital shot coming up. I can't let you screw all of these plans up!"

"Just like I couldn't let Charlie Nickles screw things up when he tried to stick his nose into my and Betsy's agreement! Say Marf, is that the problem here? Do you just hate women like your best bud Charlie? I guess it kinda makes sense when you think about it. You do spend your days outshined, if not in talent, at least in hype and fan support by a certain blue-haired vixen on the daily. I can get you projecting that hostility onto me, and any other woman that you come across. Maybe it's a need to make us all feel lesser than you? Even if you have to break our every bone, right?"

"Yeah, not happening, but feel free to try and stake my "wormy heart"! You see how well that worked out for Rampage! Also, stop being a bigot! My heart isn't worm-infested! It's totally filled with love and rainbows!"


And something dark.

"Treat unto others dude! How would you like it if I started making jokes about you having sexual relations with a dog? Not cool, right? And it totally has nothing to do with who can beat up who or more importantly who can PIN or SUBMIT whom! See Marf, for all of your nasty words and nastier threats, you seem to overlook the finer points of our sport. Like how all it takes is for me to lock you into the Rings of Saturn, a move that nobody has ever escaped mind you, and through all the carnage and mayhem that our No Holds Barred match may bring, it does offer me one distinct advantage, and that is... NO ROPE BREAKS!"

"That's right Marf, let that sink in. If you screw up and give me the chance to lock you into the Rings, then it's pretty much game over dude! Besides, it's not like you can REALLY hurt me with chairs and tables anyway, so have it at my man."


"Fire..."

"Huh!?"

The camera pulls back to reveal Vita perched atop a church, which seems pretty sacrilegious all things considered, but that fact escapes her. She looks around for the source of the voice, but see's nor senses anything or anyone out of place.

"Weird... Did you hear that?"

She says staring into the camera, but XWF cameramen have been instructed to not respond to the talent as it is considered immersion breaking for the audience at home. After a moment Vita dismisses the thought.

"Oh well... That... Is a good point though... Probably not the smartest idea to mention it now in case Marf hasn't thought of that already on his own..."

Vita lets out an annoyed sigh.

"But then again, when he says that he would do anything to beat me, I wonder how much of that is true, and how much is just meant to psyche me out before the bell? Let's be honest. You are violent. You are unrelenting. You have made grown men cry from the amount of punishment that you've inflicted. I've seen it! We all have, but you know what I haven't seen? I haven't seen Marf walk out to the ring with a shotgun and blow a hole through the center of whoever was unfortunate enough to find themselves booked against him. I mean, for real dude, if you're going to threaten extreme violence take it to the max!"

"Also go to jail since our waivers fall just short of murder!"

"Point is, if you haven't done that yet, that means that you do have some shred of honor. That's good, because honestly Marf as confident in my abilities as I am, I never count out an opponent. To get this belt, you'll have to go above and beyond your typical violence. You will have to live up to every nasty moniker you've ever wished that you had because, at the end of the day, I do not retreat, I never surrender, and I will not be broken. The only way that you take the Television Championship from around my waist is by out wrestling me!"

"And frankly, you can't!"