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I Wanna Be Your Dog - Printable Version

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I Wanna Be Your Dog - Griffin MacAlister - 09-17-2019



Imagine a life of constant loyal servitude. Staying vigilant, the valiant watcher, guardian and protector. Night and day. Always on the look out, forever prepared and ready for whatever might come your way. Now picture if no one understood you. Whenever you spoke or attempted to communicate, your words would fall upon deaf ears. Essentially. They may as well be deaf ears because the results were basically the same. You'd get some sort of slop tossed into a bowl that you were supposed to eat, after which you were forced to chase it down with tepid, piss warm water that had flies floating around in it and then, cap it all off with a nice shit in the corner somewhere. It's cool, you're used to shitting outdoors and there are a lot of areas to poop, when the need arises. Which happens quite often cause well, you eat stuff that already looks like it was exhumed from your bowels, on a regular basis. In fact it so closely resembles it, you attempted to see if your excrement mirrored it in flavor... it did not. Besides all that though, it's lonely. Sitting around, just you and your thoughts. Meh. Such is the life of a junkyard dog.


"Yeah Lila, I'm in a god damn junkyard, looking for the part that jackass was supposed to send to me a week ago. I need it to fix Mr. Philomath's 1975 Ford Maverick, he's been on my ass about it since day two of him leavin' it at the shop, like I got some sorta magic wand that I can wave over his car and fix it. I told him I can't do anything without the replacement muffler and I need it for his make of car, I can't just slap any ol' one on it and call it a day. Dude knows zero about cars though, so when I tell him all this I can practically see his eyes fuckin' glazing over."


What's this? Who is that man and why is he rooting around my master's property? Sure he feeds me gruel on a daily basis but that's no reason for him to get robbed. I must protect my master's mountains of metal!


"Oh holy shit. Hang on Lila, there's some dog having a heart attack over here, looks exactly like the one from Stand By Me. Huh? Its name is Chopper too. Weird."


Listen here pal. I'm warning you. You better get the fuck out of here before I get real mad and you wouldn't like me when I'm mad.


"Hey! I found the muffler!"


Put that back! Thief!


"What the fuck! That dumbass dog just lunged at me like he was gonna take my hand clean off! There's something wrong with this mutt, I'm going to have to talk to the owner. Get him to take the dog inside. Christ on a cracker. If it ain't one aggravation, it's another."


Yeah, you walk away. Bitch. No one comes in my yard and steals stuff while I'm on watch. I'm the Alpha here and you're such weak sauce, you ain't even fit to be a Beta. Heh. I'm awesome at my job.


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