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+--- Thread: BRRAAIINNSSS!!! Oh wait... I mean feedback (/showthread.php?tid=32576)
BRRAAIINNSSS!!! Oh wait... I mean feedback - Zane Norrison - 02-09-2019
Hey all. I was just curious on how my story and character was coming off to everyone? Zane debuted on the mirror site and four of his rps exist there, that naturally includes his origin. I have five rps up here on this site but they obviously progress after the first four. I guess what I'm wondering is if his story is easy to get into or if I should do a secondary origin story? Really any advice will help.
BRRAAIINNSSS!!! Oh wait... I mean feedback - Vita Frickin Valenteen - 02-09-2019
I understand, or at least I think that I do. I like what I’ve seen so far and even though you didn’t ask, I really enjoy your style of storytelling.
Touching base on your origin again probably wouldn’t be a bad idea, I missed those rps on the other site because I was taking some personal time during the sites down time, but even if you retell the origin, eventually there will be someone who didn’t see it.
I think a good compromise would be to have a small intro that highlights some of the important things that the reader should know going into the role plays for that week. That’s something that I’ve seen others who do long running stories do to keep everyone up to date and it seems to work pretty well imo.
BRRAAIINNSSS!!! Oh wait... I mean feedback - Corey Smith - 02-13-2019
I only got to read "Making Friends", so what I have to say is based solely on that. It seems you have a real knack for writing characters who are a bit off the beaten path. I loved the fact that you made lacking shoes the central theme of the beginning of your promo. It's such an odd conundrum to have, and kind of silly. I'm assuming it was carry over from your writing before that. If it isn't, I think I actually like that more.
If you haven't already, I think it might be fun to touch more on the day in and day out logistics of being a zombie that isn't actively homocidal. Where do you get your supply from? I'm assuming Zane must have some strange connections to keep himself satiated. What are those connections like? Again, you may have already done this so if you have, I apologize.
The promo itself was serviceable. As a rule of thumb though I like to take as little time defending myself as possible. When you defend yourself I find it often makes you come across as weaker, and usually in promo battles you want to seem as dominant as possible and own the narrative. Don't be afraid to give Zane a bit more edge in future installments. He's definitely not a heelish or villianous chaacter, but that doesn't mean he can't clap back hard.