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+--- Thread: John Lewis' Press Conference (/showthread.php?tid=32394)
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John Lewis' Press Conference - Olive Pendershore - 01-21-2019
"How many of you out there wanted to swallow a fucking cyanide tablet after John Lewis' press conference?"
"What the hell was up with the odd questions too?"
"For instance..."
Quote:Steve: Next question?
"Why was Steve unsure about that? Why did he ask for the 'next question' instead of simply stating that he was ready for the next inquiry? Why was Steve Sayors monitoring this at all? He's a reporter himself. Shouldn't the weird guy in the top hat, like a seventeenth century Englishman would wear, be doing that? Isn't it the manager's job to control interviews? Assuming the dude in the top hat was really John Lewis' manager. I guess he could have been John's husband. It is pretty queer to wander around in a fucking top hat. You know, if you're not Mr. Peanut or the dude from the Monopoly game."
Quote:Reporter #2: This question is for the man on your left Steve?
"Once again, why is this a question? Was this random reporter; that was doing the job that Steve should have been accomplishing, confused about the gender/name/placement of the man that he wanted to question? Also, if John was right fucking there, why didn't the reporter ask John the question and get the answer straight from the source? Why did he have to be a weirdo and inquire his question about John, like he was separate from the interview?"
"Why is this press conference so strange?"
"Why are John Lewis' goals so terrible?"
"Face Drezdin and Mastermind? What the actual fuck? Why not face a push broom or a person amputated of all their limbs? We're basically saying the same thing here. Talent wise."
"I've been gone for several years and this is what I return to see. John Lewis and his shit show. Fucking kill me now."
John Lewis' Press Conference - Griffin MacAlister - 01-21-2019
"Hah! Drezdin isn't a wishy washy nobody... he's a wishy washy, somebody. Yo John, did ya know that the new general managers dubbed him as new talent? That's how much of a crap show Drezdin, truly is as a human. He's been wrestling with the company for years and is forgotten so badly, he's dubbed as new talent. And this is the man that you specifically want to face? Um... okay, you clearly want to make your mark, man. Go fight your 'journeyman' while he is reliable.... you have one thing to rely on and that sure as shit, isn't talent in the ring. Fuck dude. Step up and make yourself known when you actually have a legit statement to make. You might be a supposed vet in the octagon but you talk like a fuckin' rookie. NEXT!"
re:John Lewis' Press Conference - John Lewis - 01-21-2019
Robert: Just let it be known John Lewis wouldn't mind battling either one of you two. He feels since Drezdin is a veteran of the sport they could face off. Unfortunately, we've got uneducated, crude people like Olive Pennington not knowing how a press conference is run and this other bum (OOC: I can't recall his name) talking about himself as if he is the world. So, I challenge you to contact the GM of Saturday night Savage Mr. Black and offer to sign your name on the dotted line across from John's and have another loss added to your record.
re:John Lewis' Press Conference - drezdin5788 - 01-22-2019
(01-21-2019, 02:23 AM)Griffin MacAlister Said: "Hah! Drezdin isn't a wishy washy nobody... he's a wishy washy, somebody. Yo John, did ya know that the new general managers dubbed him as new talent? That's how much of a crap show Drezdin, truly is as a human. He's been wrestling with the company for years and is forgotten so badly, he's dubbed as new talent. And this is the man that you specifically want to face? Um... okay, you clearly want to make your mark, man. Go fight your 'journeyman' while he is reliable.... you have one thing to rely on and that sure as shit, isn't talent in the ring. Fuck dude. Step up and make yourself known when you actually have a legit statement to make. You might be a supposed vet in the octagon but you talk like a fuckin' rookie. NEXT!"
Heya you talentless aids filled written has-been. Im right the fuck here. When im in the ring wrestling, i produce a 10 outta 10 star matches every time. You.....Well...lets just say that bilbo blumpkiss can put on a better match. I was here wrestling when your off getting sucked off by rupaul in a McDonald's public restroom. Im here every day training honing my skills proving to people that im right. While i try to better my self. Your all talk but no mouth.
re:John Lewis' Press Conference - Darius Xavier - 01-22-2019
(01-21-2019, 02:23 AM)Griffin MacAlister Said: "Yo John, did ya know that the new general managers dubbed him as new talent? That's how much of a crap show Drezdin, truly is as a human. He's been wrestling with the company for years and is forgotten so badly, he's dubbed as new talent. !"
Come again?
John Lewis' Press Conference - The Brothers Blackwater - 01-22-2019
"I believe that Griffin is referring to the PPV that happened a little while back, Drezdin was listed as a newcomer making his debut. See? Here's the card that was produced for the show. Drezdin was in the same match as MacAlister."
http://xwf.boards.net/thread/223/xwf-survival-fittest-view-card
John Lewis' Press Conference - Darius Xavier - 01-22-2019
Do you typically make it your business to speak for others or is it just an annoying quirk of yours?
John Lewis' Press Conference - The Brothers Blackwater - 01-22-2019
"It's part of my charm. My gift to you and everyone that gets to bask in my glorious radiance."
"You're welcome."
"Do you purposefully stay ignorant of the things that happen in the federation, literally right under your nose, only to come along and make inquiries that highlight that fact for everyone to see? Or are you just a moron?"
"Is looking like Buckwheat from The Little Rascals, a choice or an accident?"
"Come on man, say something else to showcase your utter brilliance. Ask me another question. You're making my day. I honestly have never laughed so hard and long, in all my life."
"Darius Xavier, everyone. The guy that makes simple tasks, look like rocket science."
"I'm sure your parents are literally, gleaming with pride as they watch you get out here and 'try' everyday."
"Go make another video whilst eating fried chicken and spatting at the camera, like you just found yourself suddenly placed in human civilization."
"Fucking mouth breather."
John Lewis' Press Conference - Darius Xavier - 01-22-2019
Is that so?
Well allow me to do what you do and speak for others.
Speaking for ALL General Managers and Administrators of this federation, win, lose or draw, no matter the result of your match with Sebastian Duke on next week's Warfare you will not receive a shot at the Universal Title. Or the Xtreme title. Or the Television Title. Or the Hart Title or any title this federation currently has until such time that I decide to change my mind.
Keep up with the racism and you will find yourself charged with the simple task of cleaning bathrooms.
And if you want to double down on your shit I will ERASE your name from the XWF history books.
How you like your massa now?
re:John Lewis' Press Conference - "Loverboy" Vinnie Lane - 01-22-2019
"It's true, dude. We have to be real careful in 2019 with all the soft-skinned SJW snowflake types out trying to ruin what made this business and this country great. White folks. So, like, be nice to Darius. He's got the NAACP on speed dial, dude."
re:John Lewis' Press Conference - Dolly Waters - 01-22-2019
Dolly looks on, blurry eyed and sleepy, but interested nonetheless. A bowl of Miniwheats in her hand, she slurps and smacks a bite of the cereal as some of the milk drops down onto her chin.
She nods in agreement with everyone's side of the story with the enthusiasm of a person who is grateful that this isn't actually another John Lewis press conference.
"A bearded Griffin blow-jobbing an olive over making fun of an autistic dude. Then citing the autistic dude's desire to fight with another autistic dude who has a made up word for a name...
Then we have three pasty white guys who either speak the same shit simultaneously, or confuse the fuck out of everyone making fun of their boss who is in fact black, for looking like a black guy.
Nyquil hangovers are the best."
John Lewis' Press Conference - The Brothers Blackwater - 01-22-2019
![[Image: ClearcutQuarrelsomeBaleenwhale-small.gif]](https://thumbs.gfycat.com/ClearcutQuarrelsomeBaleenwhale-small.gif)
"Okaaaay."
"Do it."
"C'mon. I dare you. Erase my name from the 'history books' Cool Runnings."
"Do something to prove your power."
"Please. Like you have the authority. Everyone knows only Lane and
can do that. And literally brought my brothers and I, into the federation. Go on, look it up, you'll see... I'm speaking the truth.""You know what you're like? You're like the night manager at Church's Chicken, compared to them. You can't do shit. Not really. Sure they let you have a glimpse of power but in the end, you can't make the big decisions. They let you have a key and lock up. Drop off deposits to the bank but that's about it. Before you get confused and say something else to allow us all to bask in your brilliance, I'm speaking metaphorically. I'm aware that you don't actually work for a fast food place."
"Oh but here. If it'll make you feel better, I'll put my worried face on and act like I'm afraid, whilst trembling."
![[Image: hkMr2WF.gif]](http://i.imgur.com/hkMr2WF.gif)
re:John Lewis' Press Conference - "Loverboy" Vinnie Lane - 01-22-2019
"That wasn't smart."
John Lewis' Press Conference - Darius Xavier - 01-22-2019
Go take a look at the fed's title history. Where once your name was there it no longer is.
You were saying?
John Lewis' Press Conference - Dolly Waters - 01-22-2019
"Maybe he can just change the Warfare card to give someone who didn't just shit the bed on Savage, and a guy who has been gone for like two years, a number one contender match for the Universal title. I thought that, and my silly little opportunity were kind of arbitrary anyhow.
But whatever. I'm going to finish my cereal and watch Hell's Kitchen. All 17 seasons are free on the Roku channel. Bye."
re:John Lewis' Press Conference - "Loverboy" Vinnie Lane - 01-22-2019
"BREAKING NEWS!!!!
I got my rep back.
Anyway, carry on."
re:John Lewis' Press Conference - "Loverboy" Vinnie Lane - 01-22-2019
"Real quick, before you go put your feety pajamas back on... how the heck did the XWF, and myself by proxy, become your legal guardian? I didn't sign anything!"
(01-22-2019, 08:26 AM)Dolly Waters Said: "Maybe he can just change the Warfare card to give someone who didn't just shit the bed on Savage, and a guy who has been gone for like two years, a number one contender match for the Universal title. I thought that, and my silly little opportunity were kind of arbitrary anyhow.
But whatever. I'm going to finish my cereal and watch Hell's Kitchen. All 17 seasons are free on the Roku channel. Bye."
re:John Lewis' Press Conference - Dolly Waters - 01-22-2019
(01-22-2019, 08:30 AM)"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane Said: "Real quick, before you go put your feety pajamas back on... how the heck did the XWF, and myself by proxy, become your legal guardian? I didn't sign anything!"
"Yeah, you really did. Don't ask me about the specifics because I'm not really certain, but it was something in that initial contract we worked out when Heyman was my manager. You got Jew-dicked boo."
John Lewis' Press Conference - The Brothers Blackwater - 01-22-2019
http://xwf.boards.net/thread/355/longest-shortest-title-reigns
"Bam."
"That just happened."
"Also all of my matches still exist, so there's still footage of me winning and defending the title. Plus, all that footage of folks trying to pin me, almost everyday, all day, while I valiantly thwarted their evil plans. Not to mention, all those promotional videos that I released, talking about defending the title. In addition to the recordings of my opponents, saying that their going to take the title from me. All you did was delete my name from one specific source. Hey but if that makes you feel like you achieved something and put me in my place, good job sport, you really showed me. Hahahahahahaha! Right. Sure. Whatever you say boss."
"Hey Dolly, while your here can you fetch me a bottle of water, I'm getting kinda thirsty. You're welcome for the win, by the way. I thought that would make your day. Like I was really going to put the hurt on a little girl. Awww... that's so adorable that you think that I actually put any effort into that match at all. My performance must have really convinced you that you're a legitimate threat. Cute. Also, mission accomplished. Yay me! I did that. I made you believe that was true and really happened. Now you run along and grab me that water, okay sweetheart. The adults are talking."
![[Image: yMRAckb.gif]](https://i.imgur.com/yMRAckb.gif)
John Lewis' Press Conference - Darius Xavier - 01-22-2019
http://xwf.boards.net/thread/355/longest-shortest-title-reigns?page=1&scrollTo=881
Bam.
You were saying?
By all means keep pointing out to me what other places I need to take an eraser to and I'll gladly do it. You're making my job easier so I guess I should thank you for that.
As for all your promotional videos talking about defending your title, we can just chalk them up to the rantings and ravings of a lunatic who refuses to learn his place. Nothing more, nothing less.
re:John Lewis' Press Conference - Dolly Waters - 01-22-2019
"L-O-L what a fucking tool.
Or tools.
Or whatever.
I'll run along now and not grab you a water, rather I'll just go prepare for my next match where I potentially beat another one of the twenty or so grown men and women who I've already beaten in the XWF.
Or maybe none of that happened either.
Maybe I didn't think Donovan was actually Luca Arzegotti and take it 'easy' on her as well.
Fuck who knows anything?
That Nyquil was stout."
John Lewis' Press Conference - The Brothers Blackwater - 01-22-2019
"I mentioned more than that, do you really need me to repeat myself? Was I speaking too fast for your mind to keep track of my words?"
John Lewis' Press Conference - Darius Xavier - 01-22-2019
Yes please repeat yourself. We all know how much you love to hear yourself talk.
re:John Lewis' Press Conference - The Brothers Blackwater - 01-22-2019
(01-22-2019, 09:02 AM)Dolly Waters Said: "L-O-L what a fucking tool.
Or tools.
Or whatever.
I'll run along now and not grab you a water, rather I'll just go prepare for my next match where I potentially beat another one of the twenty or so grown men and women who I've already beaten in the XWF.
Or maybe none of that happened either.
Maybe I didn't think Donovan was actually Luca Arzegotti and take it 'easy' on her as well.
Fuck who knows anything?
That Nyquil was stout."
![[Image: MelodicDistortedHoneybadger-small.gif]](https://thumbs.gfycat.com/MelodicDistortedHoneybadger-small.gif)
"You are absolutely precious."
"Seriously, you honestly think that anyone, takes you on as a real opponent and sees you as a threat?"
"That's so cute."
"You're a little girl. You're about as intimidating as a stuffed animal or a small fluffy animal. I wasn't going to hurt you. I'm not an asshole that beats on children."
"Calling me Luca like that means something and validates your point."
"Except I look nothing like Luca, dollface."
"See, this is Luca."
Donovan uses his phone and finds an image of Luca Arzegotti.
![[Image: 1*5v9aQkmqo0wYuEYWxnOk4g.jpeg?dateline=1534696623]](https://cdn-images-1.medium.com/max/400/1*5v9aQkmqo0wYuEYWxnOk4g.jpeg?dateline=1534696623)
re:John Lewis' Press Conference - The Brothers Blackwater - 01-22-2019
(01-22-2019, 09:05 AM)Darius Xavier Said: Yes please repeat yourself. We all know how much you love to hear yourself talk.
"My voice is sexy, isn't it?"
"Okay. I'll repeat myself. This time, I'll try and talk slower for you, so you can keep up."
"There's actual footage of me... winning and defending, the X-Treme title, in matches as well as multiple video recordings of folks attempting to take the belt from me in random, everyday life. Plus, the videos that my opponents released, when they specifically mention our upcoming fights. You know, when they say they're going to win the match and become the next X-Treme champion. I guess they're all lunatics too, right?"
"Oh Darius, I think your hamster just fell off its wheel. Poor little guy. He looks exhausted."
John Lewis' Press Conference - Dolly Waters - 01-22-2019
"Okay, so you just willingly took a piece of a steel chair aided by my knee to the teeth after trying to take my head off with said steel chair?
Well then you sir are
. And not to mention lame for trying to juice up some pathetic excuse for having your ass kicked by a little girl.
Haven't you watched the news lately, dingus? Women and men are equals. For fuck's sake, Dillinger is some sort of intergalactic demi-god and had his ass kicked by Vita Valentino or whatever. But you had no problem beating her up the week before, right?
So it's cool to beat up grown women? Just not teenagers?
Cool story bro. But you lost to Dolly Waters. EEEEK! Sorry that hurts your little feelings, pussy.
Maybe next time don't be such a lazy fuck.
re:John Lewis' Press Conference - Darius Xavier - 01-22-2019
(01-22-2019, 09:32 AM)The Brothers Blackwater Said:(01-22-2019, 09:05 AM)Darius Xavier Said: Yes please repeat yourself. We all know how much you love to hear yourself talk.
"My voice is sexy, isn't it?"
"Okay. I'll repeat myself. This time, I'll try and talk slower for you, so you can keep up."
"There's actual footage of me... winning and defending, the X-Treme title, in matches as well as multiple video recordings of folks attempting to take the belt from me in random, everyday life. Plus, the videos that my opponents released, when they specifically mention our upcoming fights. You know, when they say they're going to win the match and become the next X-Treme champion. I guess they're all lunatics too, right?"
"Oh Darius, I think your hamster just fell off its wheel. Poor little guy. He looks exhausted."
One more time for the people in the back. I don't think they heard you.
re:John Lewis' Press Conference - Dolly Waters - 01-22-2019
(01-22-2019, 09:32 AM)Dumb fuck Said: "There's actual footage of me... winning and defending, the X-Treme title, in matches as well as multiple video recordings of folks attempting to take the belt from me in random, everyday life.[/color][/b][/i]
"There's actual footage of this too, EEEEEK!
Quote:Dolly gets a shoulder up!
Donnovan slaps the mat. He walks over to the turnbuckle and begins to take the padding off.
Once the turnbuckle is exposed he grabs a now wobbly Dolly and whips her towards it
"Were you pissed off, boo boo? Or just pretending to give a fuck that you couldn't pin a teenage girl? So pissed off that you would try whipping the said, poor little hapless girl into a piece of exposed metal? It was all an act, right?"
re:John Lewis' Press Conference - drezdin5788 - 01-22-2019
(01-22-2019, 08:14 AM)"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane Said: "It's true, dude. We have to be real careful in 2019 with all the soft-skinned SJW snowflake types out trying to ruin what made this business and this country great. White folks. So, like, be nice to Darius. He's got the NAACP on speed dial, dude."
Can't believe Vinny pulled ou the hes got thr naacp on speed dial card.
Vinny, that has NNNNNOOOOOTTTTTHHHHHIIIIINNNNNGGGGG to do with it.
And be real care in 2019 my ass.......Ugh
re:John Lewis' Press Conference - "Loverboy" Vinnie Lane - 01-22-2019
"Sorry dude. I hate disappointing you, Drez... I'll try and be better!"
re:John Lewis' Press Conference - The Brothers Blackwater - 01-22-2019
(01-22-2019, 09:44 AM)Dolly Waters Said:(01-22-2019, 09:32 AM)Dumb fuck Said: "There's actual footage of me... winning and defending, the X-Treme title, in matches as well as multiple video recordings of folks attempting to take the belt from me in random, everyday life.[/color][/b][/i]
"There's actual footage of this too, EEEEEK!
Quote:Dolly gets a shoulder up!
Donnovan slaps the mat. He walks over to the turnbuckle and begins to take the padding off.
Once the turnbuckle is exposed he grabs a now wobbly Dolly and whips her towards it
"Were you pissed off, boo boo? Or just pretending to give a fuck that you couldn't pin a teenage girl? So pissed off that you would try whipping the said, poor little hapless girl into a piece of exposed metal? It was all an act, right?"
"Acting, darling. I used my force powers to hinder your velocity and shield you from the full impact of your trajectory."
"You're welcome."
"Now, tell me that I don't have any sort of abilities."
"Go on. You know you want to."
"Christ. You are just totally adorbs."
"Hey, I know, why don't you go and put on your girl scout uniform, I think it'll add to your legitimacy."
re:John Lewis' Press Conference - The Brothers Blackwater - 01-22-2019
(01-22-2019, 09:39 AM)Darius Xavier Said:(01-22-2019, 09:32 AM)The Brothers Blackwater Said:(01-22-2019, 09:05 AM)Darius Xavier Said: Yes please repeat yourself. We all know how much you love to hear yourself talk.
"My voice is sexy, isn't it?"
"Okay. I'll repeat myself. This time, I'll try and talk slower for you, so you can keep up."
"There's actual footage of me... winning and defending, the X-Treme title, in matches as well as multiple video recordings of folks attempting to take the belt from me in random, everyday life. Plus, the videos that my opponents released, when they specifically mention our upcoming fights. You know, when they say they're going to win the match and become the next X-Treme champion. I guess they're all lunatics too, right?"
"Oh Darius, I think your hamster just fell off its wheel. Poor little guy. He looks exhausted."
One more time for the people in the back. I don't think they heard you.
"The people in the back?"
"Where do you think that you're standing right now?"
"In some sort of amphitheater? Or auditorium?"
"Dude. Are you having some sort of mental break? Are you having a hallucination or day dream, right now?"
"Do you need me to call a medic? Are you going to like spaz out and start convulsing? Should I get Drezdin, to hold your tongue, so that you don't choke on it?"
"He'll do it too. Look at him. I defy you to say otherwise."
"Fuck. Stay off the bath salts negro."
re:John Lewis' Press Conference - Dolly Waters - 01-22-2019
"Awe, you're making blush.
Blush in a type of way caused by feeling embarrassed listening to a grown man use the word 'adorbs'.
It's okay. I'm used to it. Most everyone I've beaten has used some form of excuse or another. Steroids is the primary go to, but I've got to say your entire 'acting' bit is at least an original foul cry.
Though the honorable thing of course, in your case, would just be admitting that you shit the bed, and that you obviously weren't at your best.
But nah it's cool.
We'll just keep this in our back pocket until we meet up and your forced to 'act' against me again. So until then, au revoir mon ami!
John Lewis' Press Conference - John Lewis - 01-22-2019
In the background Robert and John stand watching the arguments unfolding; slightly amused.
Robert: I told you they were a bunch of goofs.
John nods his head in agreement.
John Lewis' Press Conference - Dolly Waters - 01-22-2019
"Shut the fuck up, Robert! You two idiots caused all of this nonsense!
John Lewis' Press Conference - John Lewis - 01-22-2019
Robert smiles in Dolly's direction acknowledging they indeed did 'start all of this nonsense'.
'Puppets'. John says over to an incensed Dolly.
re:John Lewis' Press Conference - John_Black - 01-22-2019
JB in the shadows looks onward at this rookie's misfortune.
"Jesus, can't this new blood be at peace here."
JB then pats on Robert's shoulders.
"Just to let you know, make sure your client watch his back around these parts.... "
Then looks at Dolly.
"Damn Ms. Dolly... first you swing on Vincent as your pops, to getting verbally abused by 1 third of Blackwaters gang... to bitching to Robert? Never change Dolly, never change."
John Lewis' Press Conference - Dolly Waters - 01-22-2019
"Verbally abused? Pfft. Put down the pot, Johnny boy."
John Lewis' Press Conference - John Lewis - 01-22-2019
Robert and John turn toward John Black acknowledging his warning to them.
Robert: Thank you. We'll be sure to do that.
re:John Lewis' Press Conference - Darius Xavier - 01-22-2019
(01-22-2019, 12:18 PM)The Brothers Blackwater Said:(01-22-2019, 09:39 AM)Darius Xavier Said:(01-22-2019, 09:32 AM)The Brothers Blackwater Said: "My voice is sexy, isn't it?"
"Okay. I'll repeat myself. This time, I'll try and talk slower for you, so you can keep up."
"There's actual footage of me... winning and defending, the X-Treme title, in matches as well as multiple video recordings of folks attempting to take the belt from me in random, everyday life. Plus, the videos that my opponents released, when they specifically mention our upcoming fights. You know, when they say they're going to win the match and become the next X-Treme champion. I guess they're all lunatics too, right?"
"Oh Darius, I think your hamster just fell off its wheel. Poor little guy. He looks exhausted."
One more time for the people in the back. I don't think they heard you.
"The people in the back?"
"Where do you think that you're standing right now?"
"In some sort of amphitheater? Or auditorium?"
"Dude. Are you having some sort of mental break? Are you having a hallucination or day dream, right now?"
"Do you need me to call a medic? Are you going to like spaz out and start convulsing? Should I get Drezdin, to hold your tongue, so that you don't choke on it?"
"He'll do it too. Look at him. I defy you to say otherwise."
"Fuck. Stay off the bath salts negro."
Thank you for demonstrating for everyone that when I tell you to dance you won't hesitate to do so. Now whose the monkey?