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+--- Thread: A Message To Thomas Nixon, Jervis Cottonbelly, and Benito Angelo (/showthread.php?tid=25565)
A Message To Thomas Nixon, Jervis Cottonbelly, and Benito Angelo - Guppy Parsh - 11-13-2016
"Hi, I am Guppy Parsh, also known as Batman. I am not a lizard. I am a bat. I am also a detective, so I Googled if lizards and bats are friends. I learned some very interesting things. I learned that some of the Boston Red Sox have used lizard skin baseball bats, and that David Ortiz prefers them. I read on AnimalQuestions.org that bats aren't lizards, because bats are mammals and lizards are reptiles.
But most interestingly of all I learned of a study that proved when the birds, bats, and lizards are gone the forests and grasslands suffer. Lizards and bats aren't just friends; they're a team. Together, by eating herbivores and their insect predators, they reduced damage to plants by 40 percent, which resulted in a 14 percent increase in plant biomass.
Needless to say, I have a new found respect for lizards and being the only batperson I know of I feel it is my duty to extend you three and lizardkind an olive branch. Your cause isn't just good for lizards. It's good for plants too. Without lizards countless food-chains and ecosystems would crumble. I must join you.
But how can I help you?
At Wildcard Weekend you three plan to be challengers for the XWF Trio Tag Championships, but on Savage this Saturday Thomas Nixon is in a three-way match against Blue Gator and "The Undisputed King of Taking The Fall In Triple Threat Matches" Jacob Davis "The Guy Who Tapped Out To Michael McBride and Dolly Waters In The Same Night" where the person who takes the fall won't compete for the Television Championship at the very same event. By putting Jacob Davis in this match the powers that be have effectively double booked your leader "Thick Dick" Nixon.
If Thomas Nixon were to compete in two matches in the same night he may suffer from a lack of stamina similar to what cost Hillary Clinton her presidency and Trax, Chris Chaos, and Peter Gilmour the Xtreme Title at the Rumble From Hell. We all know if any of those three were the final entrant they would have walked out champion. If you three manage to walk out of Wildcard Weekend with only one of these belts everyone will know it was because Mr. Nixon was too tired to wrestle two matches. I have a solution to this problem; let your leader focus on his 4-way match and I will take his place in the tag team match. This will ensure that the People Against The Rigorous Oppression of Lizards, the PAT-RO-oL, walk away with all the belts and there will be no room for excuses or what could have beens.
Tom, your father was a conservative, so let's do what conservatives do, and.....
MITIGATE
SOME
RISKS!"
re:A Message To Thomas Nixon, Jervis Cottonbelly, and Beni... - Thomas Nixon - 11-13-2016
"Hey there, Guppy. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.
What I'm going to tell you is fairly predictable. I support anybody that wishes to unite for the betterment of the lizard people, and you make a compelling argument to join the ranks of Benito, Jervis, and myself.
With that being said, I'd like to hear their thoughts before we incorporate you into our group. You have my vote, but in your proposal, they will be your partners. It is more important that they accept you."
re:A Message To Thomas Nixon, Jervis Cottonbelly, and Beni... - Jervis Cottonbelly - 11-13-2016
"You have my vote as well Mr. Parsh. The more the merrier as my father would say!"
re:A Message To Thomas Nixon, Jervis Cottonbelly, and Beni... - BenitoAngelo - 11-14-2016
Benito is muttering angrily under his breath, then turns to the group and speaks
I mean, since everyone else wants you to join, I'm so happy to have you onboard.
re:A Message To Thomas Nixon, Jervis Cottonbelly, and Beni... - Thomas Nixon - 11-14-2016
"It seems we have a clear consensus. Guppy, welcome to PATROL. I hope you can become better acquainted with Jervis and Benito before Wild Card.
It seems that I'll set my sights on the three-way match at Savage."
A Message To Thomas Nixon, Jervis Cottonbelly, and Benito Angelo - Guppy Parsh - 11-14-2016
I can't wait to hang out with all of you! I see plenty of hugs and kisses in our future! Yay lizards!