OOC: Odds at the bottom of the page.
“-and these fuckin’ cannolis you’re bringing here, they’re pathetic, ‘Trice, come on.”
“Sir, we’re back live.”
“Seriously, Patricia, we could use some catering that isn’t s’posed to go to the zoo. Public schools are gettin’ better pasta than us!”
“Sir, we-“
“Yeah, yeah, I know we’re live.”
“Welcome back to The WaD’s Odds! Typically we’d ‘ave a logo or sumthin’. It ain’t in the budget this year, so just imagine a big sparkling neon sign with name on it, some fuzzy dice, poker chips and… a babe? Trust me, it looks better in your mind.”
“So, we haven’t done this in a while, but we’re gonna be giving out some odds to this new XWF pay-per-view. Now, originally, we had refused to support any betting on XWF matches after 100 consecutive bounced checks from Shane  , but due to popular demand, we’re finally doin’ it again!”
“That, and I’m not about to be outdone by that hack Heyman and that dipshit Nickles tryin’ to cut into the bettin’ and predictions business.”
“Alright, so first match they gots is a guy named Big D and MeFisto. MeFisto needs no introduction, he’s an absolute star, everybody knows him and- AND he is an official sponsor of Powerade, which is the bad sex of beverages. Now, it pains me to say this, but Big D, this Big Nobody, is our favorite to win the match. Not by much, but he’s a former champ and the current Internet Champ, something he has had to really fight to keep away from Michael Graves. That said, we hope MeFisto kicks his pasty ass.”
“Next is the first of two four way matches in the event, although it is not nearly as saucy as that description would imply. This one has the likes of Andrew Logan, Felix Jones, Johnny Legend, and The Incredible One scratching and clawing for TV Title contendership. I’ll be straight with you, we’re thinking Felix and TIO are dead weight here, the real match is between Legend and Logan and we have Logan squeaking out over the competition. The man has got the momentum, the physique, and he’s a killer, but that’s not saying Legend is completely out, he’ll just have to dig deep for some modern relevancy if he wants to get past the beast that is Logan.”
“Federweight. What a belt. That’s not a compliment. And fighting for it, we have two freaks. One, aptly named and the other a dolphin hating bald man with a vengeance. Coming hot off a win over the sickening Greggo, you might almost give Jimson a chance here, but The WaD knows better. That’s why you’re watchin’ his odds. Jimson gets creamed, The Freak retains. No doubt about it.”
“Speaking of Greggo, he recently grabbed the Heavymetalweight belt, something you couldn’t pay me to hold, from Universal Title contender Charlie Nickles. They along with Brian Storm and Liam Roberts make up this match that is brimming so much with the energy of its respective belt that you couldn’t pay me to watch it. That said, Storm and Roberts just don’t have the pedigree of these two other men, mostly because Charlie is an actual wrestler and he was just stupid enough to let Greggo get his semen encrusted fingers on it. Charlie has it, but Greggo isn’t completely out of it.”
“Chris Chaos V. Theo Pryce. Lemme ask you a question, listeners at home. Why is this match happening? Theo’s got this in the bag, baby, he’s a legend in this business and he’s not about to be outdone by the shock program schlock master Chaos. What’s Chaos gonna do? Whisper Theo’s childhood pet’s name in his ear? Suck it Heyman, Chaos loses.”
“And for the main event of night one, we get one half of the tag champs against a chump who has to hire Paul Heyman as a mouth piece. Duke’s a good kid, a damn good athlete, but his younger drive and youthful spirit will easily crumble to the experience, precision, and thoroughness of Chris Page’s fully loaded offense. And that’s not a prediction, that’s a go fuck yourself.”
“Night two begins with a clash between the former Internet Champion Bobbi London, the rhyme limey, and Boris. Now, all due respect to Ms. London, but nobody in their right mind is gonna bet against Boris. He’s just too damn loveable and he can probably knock out most people with a glare. Bottom line: I like Boris, so I think he’ll win.”
“But don’t underestimate the power of women, fellas, and I’m not just saying that because I legally have to. This next match for the Shooting Star title is packed with talent. Ash Quinn and Scarlet “My Last Name Don’t Match My Nickname” Donaldson have shown some truly impressive performances. Sure, Scarlet got eliminated first in a match on Anarchy, but those are bullshit anyway. Ash Quinn may have also gotten pinned by the champ fairly recently, but she’s still very impressive, if a bit green. That said, Myst has had a great run recently, so I wouldn’t expect any surprises here. Jenny’s gonna keep it.”
“Duke again? Jesus Christ. You think his manager would stick him in one match and call it quits, but I guess not. So, this one’s between Mastermind and Thaddeus in a “House of Horrors” match. Ridiculous. However, despite the career resurgence Mastermind has received from The Misfits, I don’t really foresee him pulling this one out of his trousers. Goofy ass stipulation aside, Duke is gonna actually look good on this night.”
“Peter Gilmour and Oswald Autem. I don’t want to choose a favorite for this match. Have you seen some of the shit that comes outta these guys mouths? It’s dreadful. Peter’s got a storied career that is as long as it is baffling and Oswald is equally so in both measures. Because I have to choose a favorite, I’ll go with Oswald due to his alliance with B.o.B. but only by a tad bit.”
“In a battle for unification of the Hart title, we see current chamption Pasha facing against the Interim champ of the former “Name I’ll respectfully not say on air.” Despite his past of being quite the Neo-himself, I think Nathaniel has more piss and vinegar than good sense and that’ll secure that belt around his waist once and for all.”
“And for the big match on night two, we have Cataclysm and the unfortunately named “Sisterhood of Besties.” If this match got any more stacked, Shaq wouldn’t be able to touch the top of it. Chris Page and Robert Main, not only an effective team with tag background, but machines of devastation and questionable attire selection. In most matches, you bet on ‘em in a heartbeat, but we’re going to be a little contrarian here at The WaD’s Odds and give the slight favor to the challengers. I mean, certainly Main and Page have tag chops, but they are not tag veterans like the man Centurion and they didn’t win an entire battle royal a few months ago like the lovely symbol of hope Ruby. Cataclysm’ll bring a heap of destruction, but the Sisterhood is walking away with those pants.”
“To start Night Three, we have the brand new Anarchy Heavyweight champ Miss Fury, de facto leader of B.o.B., facing Vita Valenteen, the young lass who kicks ass. Vita has seen quite a bit of success in her career and it has been well earned, but Miss Fury has the number and she beat Ruby, a champion that swipes off challengers like flies. Fury has got it in the bag.”
“Ned Kaye and Ares Creed. Now, Ares looks like a scary son of a bitch who can probably crack me in half if he finds my old ass, so I’ll make this quick. Ned wins, not by much. Which ain’t a surprise ‘cause he ain’t much.”
“An extreme rules match for an extreme title shot. You got Dick Powers, a name I refuse to say twice, and Hanari Carnes, who I can’t honestly understand half the time. All I know is that these men are going to beat the hell out of each other and I am going to love it. Hanari is our favorite here, partially because we think he has what it takes and partly because I refuse to support Dick.”
“This one is gearing up to be a hell of a confrontation. Gator, an XWF legend who dresses in pajamas and is known for his big mouth, in a barbed wire slugfest against Louis D’ville. Is that last name supoosed to be, like, devil? Tacky if you ask me, but I’ll also tell ya that Mr. Devil’s got it. No handshake needed, he’s just got the tools to succeed and break Gator down before even a slightly witty comment comes out his mouth.”
“But slugfest doesn’t begin to describe the mayhem you are going to see in this one. Bourbon, the MVP of Warfare, toe to toe with wrestling legend James Raven. Now, James is a man you can never count out, but that won’t stop us from doing it! Sorry, Birdy, but Robbie’s been destroying people week after week, nearly cleaning out the entire Warfare locker room. Pour one out for Raven because the big man is grabbing the big check.”
“Chris Page returns to defend his Television title versus Thunder Knuckles, who recently joined Miss Fury’s fetish fighters. I respect TK’s endless greed and desire to make as much money as easily as possible while acknowledging that he’ll have the man advantage outside the ring. Hell, Page will have wrestled all three nights. That tires a man out. With all due respect, however, Page is just too good and he’ll be celebrating a successful title defense at the end of the night.”
“Robert Main then follows suit with his tag partner by defending his hard fought X-Treme title against a man called The Wizard. Now, Wiz is actually very, very good in that ring. It’s his marketing team that’s to blame. Sadly for him, he has to fight the second longest reigning Universal Champ, longest reigning Hart Champ, and the man who has had to be awake nearly every hour of every day to defend that X title. Main will come out of this with a sweat, but if Wizzy ain’t careful it’ll be a light one.”
“And now for the biggun! The Main Event of all of Relentless: Sarah Lacklan versus Charlie Nickles! No question, Lacklan wins. But I have a bone to pick with you Nickles, not only are you wasting the time of the most talented wrestler in that company, but you tried to get I on my gamblin’ market! So you know what? We'll match your nonsensical odds you set for yourself, buddy! You little Mickey Mouse motherfucker, you- you’re encroaching on my business! You know why they call you Nickles, you goblin-looking fucknugget? THAT’S ALL YOU GOT! NICKLES, DIMES, PIECES O’ SHIT STUFFED IN YOUR COUCH CUSHINS! I’M THE WAD! I GOT LOADS OF CASH, YOU-“
The show fades off the air with Joey screaming more obscenities.
OOC: Okay, so the cutoff for bets will be the RP deadline for each night. That means if you miss betting on Night One, you can still bet on Two and Three. I ask that you don’t bet on matches where you know the outcome for certain just as a courtesy. These are all UK Fractional Odds, if there’s enough requests to translate into American Odds, I will comply. Also, for future PPVs, I’ll try to get these out a little more on-time. Happy gambling!
-Night One-
MeFisto (2/1) V. Big D (1/2)
Andrew Logan (1/2) V. Felix Jones (4/1) V. The Incredible One (8/1) V. Johnny Legend (8/1)
The Freak (1/4) V. Jim Jimson (4/1)
Greggo (4/1) V. Brian Storm (8/1) V. Liam Roberts (8/1) V. Charlie Nickles (1/2)
Chris Chaos (8/1) V. Theo Pryce (1/8)
CCP (1/2) V. Thaddeus Duke (2/1)
-Night Two-
Boris (1/4) V. Bobbi London (4/1)
Jenny Myst (1/3) V. Scarlet The Huntress Donaldson (3/1) V. Ash Quinn (3/1)
Thaddeus Duke (1/8) V. Mastermind (8/1)
Peter Gilmour (2/1) V. Broken Oswald Autem (1/2)
Pasha (2/1) V. Nathaniel Idenhaus (1/2)
Cataclysm (2/1) V. Sisterhood of Besties (1/2)
-Night Three-
Miss Fury (1/5) V. Vita Valenteen (5/1)
Ares Creed (2/1) V. Ned Kaye (1/2)
Dick Powers (3/1) V. Hanari Carnes (1/3)
Doctor Louis D’Ville (1/2) V. Gator (2/1)
James Raven (4/1) V. Robbie Bourbon (1/4)
CCP (1/10) V. Thunder Knuckles (10/1)
Robert Main (1/8) V. The Wizard (8/1)
Sarah Lacklan (1/50,000) V. Charlie Nickles (50,000/1)
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